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12/23/2010 c1 takatofan1986
Very interesting! You paint quite a picture, you are very discriptive!
12/23/2010 c1 Dr. William Bell
Fascinating. Truly fascinating to think of. An eden, separated, and yet when it turns to hell, she falls and it repeats. It is like a twilight zone episode, which was awesome! Yes, I am intrigued and interested in more. I like your writing style. You write well, and have a definite grasp of language. Good job.
12/23/2010 c1 By the wind
i dint fully understand this first time, like, so i hd to read it agen. i loved it the second time! relly...out ther, in a gd way. i luv ure style. ^^
12/23/2010 c1 Ayu Kanashimi
Wow...touching story. You have a unique way of writing.

Great work, keep it up!
12/8/2010 c1 yoyoyo7789
Heya Danzi; if this truly is your first short story, then it's something that you should be immensely proud of. You've melted smoothly into your own writing style; which, ironically enough is rough, and fragmented. But that's no negative thing. The reader has to really get that grey matter moving if they wish to make the most out of this short story; in doing so they will, indeed, gain a lot from it.

Ahem...lets pull the story apart a little and have a proper look. Your vocabulary is wide, and vivid. Awesome. As I've already mentioned, your sentances are often fragmented, and rough; almost germanic in its own way. Awesome. The content itself does truly get the reader thinking, and hoping for more stories of such calibur, from an author who obvious has a formidable hold over their imagination. Yep, you guessed it. Awesome.

Well...i think it's safe to say that I liked it. Great work; I'll be keeping an eye out for more, buddy. =)

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