for A Dance Called Intricacy12/27/2010 c1 
5Whirlymerle
This poem is lovely. Some of the imagery, like "We stroke cobwebs and wings/ Lace and tears" is beautiful.
My one suggestion comes from this line "Who call us by name for us to return." I think the two "us's" just make it a little awkward, and distrupts the flow of the piece.
Overall, great job!
5WhirlymerleThis poem is lovely. Some of the imagery, like "We stroke cobwebs and wings/ Lace and tears" is beautiful.
My one suggestion comes from this line "Who call us by name for us to return." I think the two "us's" just make it a little awkward, and distrupts the flow of the piece.
Overall, great job!