for The Lane2/22/2011 c2 
2Amarsheart
Oh man sara that was awsome! I love how you just put alot of description into your writing, oh and by the way this is Maria. Love it please put in a new ch.!
2AmarsheartOh man sara that was awsome! I love how you just put alot of description into your writing, oh and by the way this is Maria. Love it please put in a new ch.!
1/6/2011 c2 1A-Knot
Great job! The detail is so amazing. I love how you described the cat in the prelude. Trent, that name is just amazing. And of course Sarai's name is beautiful. And I really love how you described Trent when he appeared. Can't wait to see where this story goes :3
1A-KnotGreat job! The detail is so amazing. I love how you described the cat in the prelude. Trent, that name is just amazing. And of course Sarai's name is beautiful. And I really love how you described Trent when he appeared. Can't wait to see where this story goes :3
1/3/2011 c1 SaiyanSam
Wow this is good hm lets see...Keep it simple like the sentence with the coat, change the word stagnant it just doesnt fit but the details were good XD i would edit a bit the part describing the smell of the dead cat its hard to think of it i mean i have trouble imagining the smell, think of more common gagging smells XD But all in all this was good a bit confusing as in awkward but it fits though cause it makes sense as you keep reading. Awesomeness XD
Wow this is good hm lets see...Keep it simple like the sentence with the coat, change the word stagnant it just doesnt fit but the details were good XD i would edit a bit the part describing the smell of the dead cat its hard to think of it i mean i have trouble imagining the smell, think of more common gagging smells XD But all in all this was good a bit confusing as in awkward but it fits though cause it makes sense as you keep reading. Awesomeness XD
1/3/2011 c2 6wordzRmagik-13
Hey great job! I like how you're bringing in some unique characters and everything. You're very good at description, and I liked the imagery when Trent is twirling the plate. The last sentence is also very dramatic, which I like. :) Some things that could use improvement... Dialoge. There isn't much of it. We need to get to know our character a bit more, and dialoge and thoughts are always a simple way to do that. But overall great job! Can't wait to see more! :)
6wordzRmagik-13Hey great job! I like how you're bringing in some unique characters and everything. You're very good at description, and I liked the imagery when Trent is twirling the plate. The last sentence is also very dramatic, which I like. :) Some things that could use improvement... Dialoge. There isn't much of it. We need to get to know our character a bit more, and dialoge and thoughts are always a simple way to do that. But overall great job! Can't wait to see more! :)
1/3/2011 c1 wordzRmagik-13
Great Job! This story has lots of potential! Obviously you've just started, and this is kind of like an intro I think, but I think you should make your chapters longer, and paragraphs shorter. People will just skim if you don't put some spaces in there. Anyways hope you update, I'm curious! :)
I have my own story up, "Learning to Fly", and I would love it if you could take the time to read and review/PM me about it. I only have 3 reviews right now and I would love some more feedback. :)
Thanks so much!
~wordzRmagik-13
Great Job! This story has lots of potential! Obviously you've just started, and this is kind of like an intro I think, but I think you should make your chapters longer, and paragraphs shorter. People will just skim if you don't put some spaces in there. Anyways hope you update, I'm curious! :)
I have my own story up, "Learning to Fly", and I would love it if you could take the time to read and review/PM me about it. I only have 3 reviews right now and I would love some more feedback. :)
Thanks so much!
~wordzRmagik-13