for Straight On 'til Morning6/14/2012 c1 Daze-dly
Love this story. I wish you could expand it and we could find out how Peter and Allyis' relationship pans out - oh dear, that pun was sooo not intended lol...
Love this story. I wish you could expand it and we could find out how Peter and Allyis' relationship pans out - oh dear, that pun was sooo not intended lol...
3/21/2011 c1 
11MizzMoris
Hmm... I liked this. It was a good idea if you had to change a fairy tale and you pulled it off well.
Now we get to the REAL review. TO be completely honest, some parts of the story read a little slow. Peter Pan, even when changed, is still a story meant to capture the childlike joy of eternal childhood. Some of the description and dialogue felt too stiff. Although I can understand how it would be difficult to find the balance as you made it a more adult themed story than the disney movie. If you havent already, I would suggest reading the actual book. The author, for the life of me I can't remember his name, is a master of capturing the childlike aspect but keeping a much more sinister theme because the original story is not a children's story at all.
I do like how you delved a bit more into Hooke's character. Made him a manipulating man. And I also like what you did with Allyis, she was developed pretty well for a short story.
Good job! :)
11MizzMorisHmm... I liked this. It was a good idea if you had to change a fairy tale and you pulled it off well.
Now we get to the REAL review. TO be completely honest, some parts of the story read a little slow. Peter Pan, even when changed, is still a story meant to capture the childlike joy of eternal childhood. Some of the description and dialogue felt too stiff. Although I can understand how it would be difficult to find the balance as you made it a more adult themed story than the disney movie. If you havent already, I would suggest reading the actual book. The author, for the life of me I can't remember his name, is a master of capturing the childlike aspect but keeping a much more sinister theme because the original story is not a children's story at all.
I do like how you delved a bit more into Hooke's character. Made him a manipulating man. And I also like what you did with Allyis, she was developed pretty well for a short story.
Good job! :)