Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Cruel To Be Kind

7/20/2011 c1 witeaya
the summary sounds mighty interesting.

will u repost it?
3/27/2011 c2 7CaveDwellers
I know you told me that Ryan's first appearance would be jaw-dropping. I was expecting the worse, but in all honesty I think he gave poor, sensitive Carrie the reality check she needed. He wasn't very nice about it (he was actually a big jerk), but he did manage to break through her delusional perceptions of that George guy.

Actually, I was very amused by his first appearance. His brutal honesty cracked me up.

I love the name Ryan, by the way. It's a name I never get tired of, that is never tainted no matter what character I read or who I meet. I don't know what it is about that name, but I really love it.

Carrie still feels real to me, which is good, but at the moment I'm kind of annoyed with her realistic self. "Come on, girl," I keep yelling at her. "Just get over it! It was one date, for god's sake! You trust way too easy!"

I'm definitely looking forward to how that conversation between Ryan and Carrie will go. It should be undoubtedly amusing, if Ryan's first appearance is anything to go by. :D

'Til next,

CD 1.0
3/18/2011 c1 7SophieInPink
Loads of things:

1. for still learning English this is bloody PHENOMENAL! I mean you should see my Spanish compositions, they'd make anyone cry mucho mucho tears!

2. This story is obviously well planned out and I can tell that you've actually put thought into your characters and situations before writing. I'm really interested to see where it goes.'

3. It's very humorous! E.g. the Dalai Lama being concerned about her love life and whatnot.

4. It seems quite realistic. As in I could actually imagine myself knowing Carrie.

Keep it up!

soph xx
3/18/2011 c1 2Wiseau Films
OH HI

If you review my very well written poetry with long and helpful critique I will do the same for you!

OH BYE
3/14/2011 c2 PJ Draft
So glad this saw an update! Love it as always. No comments aside from update soon! I'll be waiting. :P -PJ
1/19/2011 c1 midnights.blues.s
Hm, where should i begin?

Considering we talked about the story and the characters a lot and you know I'm simply in love with...yeah you know who exactly I mean... and the extensive feedback you already got, out line the grammatical issues and frankly we're both aware that I know as much English as you do, if not less.So perhaps the only contribution I'm able to make is to tell you that you don't need to fret so much about your stories.You're doing just fine as it is.

Relax, breath.

Do that again and let Carrie and aham, mostly him, go wherever they will.
1/17/2011 c1 natmarie
You said liked my review style so I thought I would send you a review. :)

If only she'd been more subtle in her blatant attraction towards him, or had taken the gooey-eyed look a notch or two down, maybe he wouldn't have been as reluctant to see her again.-Good description but watch the thesaurus words...blatant is a good word but seems to not flow quite right with the sentence. Part of it could be because subtle and blatant are opposites so it sounds kind of repetitive...try she had been more subtle in her attraction...or less obvious. Same with gooey-eyed, though I know the look you are talking about. Is there another way you could say it? Or was she staring? Or something more specific?

Also watch out, some of your sentences are a little long. Try reading them out loud. If you get winded, or tired saying them you might want to rework them to make sure they are clear and your reader doesn’t get lost at what you are trying to say. Sometimes you could put periods where some commas are. Others you can just cut out some words.

Carrie is short for Charity? I guess it could work. I just have never heard it, but that doesn’t mean much. Just thought I’d mention it sounded kind of off. Especially because you use them both so it can get kind of confusing if they are the same person.

Better half of the one hour…should be better half of the hour? Or the better half of an hour.

Watch your shes…since you have two female characters sometimes the shes can get con get confusing. As to which one you are talking about/is being talked about…if that makes sense. All you have to do is carefully place Carrie’s name in spots or the best friend’s name…Christina. (This is me being a little picky, but all the C names might get confusing. Not that I want you to rename your characters, but think about picking a new letter in future naming.) Also, what is this guy’s name? You never mention it…oh wait, there it is…George. I would have thought it would have been mentioned earlier.

You do a great job pacing this. I just have a few questions as a reader, but it might be revealed soon. Where are these girls? How old are they? Describe the setting a little more, help the readers picture what is going on. I love the insight to all of Carrie’s thoughts. Also, their dialogue and joking about why he hasn’t called is nicely done and humorous. I find myself wanting to know more about their date and this George guy…when she is going on and on about why he hasn’t called, wouldn’t she wonder if she did something wrong on the date? Or talk about it at least? I would think she would spill more details to her best friend, especially his name.

Balance out Carrie’s character. The kind of puppy love and desperate with the taking what she can get. If all guys treat her the same maybe she has to focus more on what makes the previous guys the same and different (since none of them call) and examine herself and her priorities in a relationship…She didn't want to find out how much lower she could go, really.—that line stuck with me. It could come off wrong, like super low self esteem. Try and keep it a little positive. Though I pick up on the humor in her tone, even in the last line. Watch so it doesn't go into a whiny guys suck rant...even though she is not picky. She should be :)

Overall nicely written and developed. Looking forward to seeing where you go with this. I’ll keep checking back on it. If I forget, nudge me a little and I’ll review some more.
1/17/2011 c1 7CaveDwellers
Hey there! I think the main character's dilemma is very real, and the way she stresses over being called or not is totally something people can relate to. We're all secretly feeling it, in one way or another. She's a cute girl. What I haven't been able to figure out is whether her name is Charity or Carrie. I also tended to get Charity/Carrie confused for Christina, mostly because of the similarity of their names (both starting with C or CH). Then there was George/Gemma (whose name I noticed mentioned once).

You're English is good, though I did notice a few run on sentences in the beginning. And the dialogue always had a "she said/he said" tagged at the end of it, which at times isn't necessary. You have great analogies, though. :) It made Carrie/Charity's thoughts fun to read.

I'm looking forward to when the male lead character will be introduced. I'd like to see what Carrie/Charity's reaction to him will be. ;P

'til next,

CD 1.0
1/15/2011 c1 PJ Draft
This is great, I am glad you decided to post it. The title is very intersting, I like it. Can't wait to read more from you soon.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service