for Tower of Dove6/2/2011 c22 hikarii-chan
awwwww oh my gosh im sooo sad this is over. but this was a perfect ending thx so much for sharing this amazing story with us =))))
awwwww oh my gosh im sooo sad this is over. but this was a perfect ending thx so much for sharing this amazing story with us =))))
6/2/2011 c21 hikarii-chan
ohhh my gosh i'm sooo happy he's ok! it wuld hav been so bad if he wasnt.
and im happy simeon and rhea are together=)
ohhh my gosh i'm sooo happy he's ok! it wuld hav been so bad if he wasnt.
and im happy simeon and rhea are together=)
6/2/2011 c20 hikarii-chan
lilyana was so crazy! but i kinda lyked it a lot... how u described her as queen of hell =) i luv this story! hope heiros ok =))
lilyana was so crazy! but i kinda lyked it a lot... how u described her as queen of hell =) i luv this story! hope heiros ok =))
5/30/2011 c19 hikarii-chan
this was so sad. i hope they kill the heron premeir if he ddidnt already die he's evil!
this was so sad. i hope they kill the heron premeir if he ddidnt already die he's evil!
5/30/2011 c18 hikarii-chan
NOO A;LSKDJF;LAKSJF noo omg im going to cry i ddnt kno they were romeo and juliet!
NOO A;LSKDJF;LAKSJF noo omg im going to cry i ddnt kno they were romeo and juliet!
5/30/2011 c17 hikarii-chan
i remeber chadwick and phil hahaah! =) this was adorable he kissed her so sweet! i feel bad for lilyana
i remeber chadwick and phil hahaah! =) this was adorable he kissed her so sweet! i feel bad for lilyana
5/30/2011 c16 hikarii-chan
aw tht was so sad =(( kissa and posy are so cute it makes me smile i luv litte kid romances so inocent =)
aw tht was so sad =(( kissa and posy are so cute it makes me smile i luv litte kid romances so inocent =)
5/4/2011 c4 
6Lillian Dooley
I'm sorry for the immense delay on this story! I promised you I'd review it, but I just haven't had the time. It's fourth quarter in school and the teachers seem to be cramming allthe work they can in before the end of the year. Sorry!
Now for the review.
I thought now would be a good time to review before I move on with the story and forget some of the things I meant to tell you. I have some issues with the story so far, and I hope I don't come off as harsh.
Your writing is pretty good. It sounds like mine at the moment, that transition between childish-sounding and mature. It's an adolescence of writing, if you will. Some of the descriptions sound a little awkward. "As bland as unseasoned rice" was one that stuck in my memory. It seems a little forced, and I have been guilty of that, too. (still am, actually). That is one of the issues.
Speaking of description, I am unsure of this world you've created. It feels as if I'm lookin through a fuzzy glass, and the only relatively focused object is the main character. Even then, it is really uncertain. The biggest problem I have with this is the setting. I feel like I've been plopped into a new world without my glasses, if that makes sense. I can just see the outlines of a pseudo-medieval world, but I can't be sure. I don't know the social order other than yet another pseudo-medieval hierarchy. I don't feel like I know the world at all; I'm lost.
Another big issue I notice right away is your character. Actually, I should say characters. Again, ive been guilty of something very similar. I am going to address your MC first. Lilyana. When I think of her, I think Mary-Sue. She seems too perfect. Her attitude, mannerism, and good looks seem to scream "I've seen this character before!". Because of this, it isn't hard to pick out the story line. The reluctance to like anybody and the attraction seem to be all too familiar.
Also, your cocky, self-assured romance subject seems to be a cliché as well.
The best friend is a classic best friend, and that type is becoming unbelievably overused.
Of course, when you do a romance, it is going to have clichés. That is unavoidable. But, the trick is making it unusual, with a new element
I have not read far enough to determine that, though.
I have been focusing on the negatives, and it seems that I have been neglecting the positives. Your writing style is interesting and engaging. I find the interaction with her sister to be touching,
and the names are original.
I hope I did not come off as harsh. I really just want to help, and sometimes it sounds like tough love. I'll keep reading!
Lily Dooley
6Lillian DooleyI'm sorry for the immense delay on this story! I promised you I'd review it, but I just haven't had the time. It's fourth quarter in school and the teachers seem to be cramming allthe work they can in before the end of the year. Sorry!
Now for the review.
I thought now would be a good time to review before I move on with the story and forget some of the things I meant to tell you. I have some issues with the story so far, and I hope I don't come off as harsh.
Your writing is pretty good. It sounds like mine at the moment, that transition between childish-sounding and mature. It's an adolescence of writing, if you will. Some of the descriptions sound a little awkward. "As bland as unseasoned rice" was one that stuck in my memory. It seems a little forced, and I have been guilty of that, too. (still am, actually). That is one of the issues.
Speaking of description, I am unsure of this world you've created. It feels as if I'm lookin through a fuzzy glass, and the only relatively focused object is the main character. Even then, it is really uncertain. The biggest problem I have with this is the setting. I feel like I've been plopped into a new world without my glasses, if that makes sense. I can just see the outlines of a pseudo-medieval world, but I can't be sure. I don't know the social order other than yet another pseudo-medieval hierarchy. I don't feel like I know the world at all; I'm lost.
Another big issue I notice right away is your character. Actually, I should say characters. Again, ive been guilty of something very similar. I am going to address your MC first. Lilyana. When I think of her, I think Mary-Sue. She seems too perfect. Her attitude, mannerism, and good looks seem to scream "I've seen this character before!". Because of this, it isn't hard to pick out the story line. The reluctance to like anybody and the attraction seem to be all too familiar.
Also, your cocky, self-assured romance subject seems to be a cliché as well.
The best friend is a classic best friend, and that type is becoming unbelievably overused.
Of course, when you do a romance, it is going to have clichés. That is unavoidable. But, the trick is making it unusual, with a new element
I have not read far enough to determine that, though.
I have been focusing on the negatives, and it seems that I have been neglecting the positives. Your writing style is interesting and engaging. I find the interaction with her sister to be touching,
and the names are original.
I hope I did not come off as harsh. I really just want to help, and sometimes it sounds like tough love. I'll keep reading!
Lily Dooley
4/25/2011 c14 hikarii-chan
i feel so bad for lilyana, but i rly liked posy's part. she's still my fav =) i hope this ends ok.
i feel so bad for lilyana, but i rly liked posy's part. she's still my fav =) i hope this ends ok.
4/25/2011 c13 hikarii-chan
omg i wanna cry =( tht was soo sad! amethyst is evil and the robins premier is a jerk to!
omg i wanna cry =( tht was soo sad! amethyst is evil and the robins premier is a jerk to!
4/25/2011 c12 hikarii-chan
this was amazing... sad sumtimes but i luv it, and hiero is too cute! i luv it when they kiss =))
this was amazing... sad sumtimes but i luv it, and hiero is too cute! i luv it when they kiss =))
4/24/2011 c14 31HeroofEnelios
This is a very sad, emotional and dramatic chapter and personally one of my favorites of the story because of just how beautiful it is. Simply put. Well done, and do write more soon. Please. :)
31HeroofEneliosThis is a very sad, emotional and dramatic chapter and personally one of my favorites of the story because of just how beautiful it is. Simply put. Well done, and do write more soon. Please. :)
4/16/2011 c1 4MercedesPhoenix
Sorry it took me so long to review! I pretty much stayed a safe distance away from FictionPress because me with no desire to write + a place that reminds me of my stories = a pressure to write = me posting a chapter that's pretty much just crap on paper = nobody's happy. I hope that made sense to you, because it sounded a lot better in my head.
Anyways, on to you. I haven't been able to find any good romance stories lately, and none of the people on my Story Alerts list are posting. So when I saw your story and read the summary, my first reaction was something along the lines of "Romance! Yes!" Then I started to read.
Let me just say this story was amazing. I've only read the first chapter so far, but I really like it! I usually don't go for more of the historical fiction stories on FictionPress. But I love yours already, so that deserves a congratulations! I love how Simeon reminds me of a character I really like in the Mortal Instruments trilogy by Cassandra Claire. And the sarcasm makes me smile all through the chapter! I just have one little thing I'm confused on. You mention she's wearing a dress and have added many details that suggest this was in a medieval time period. You then went on to say Lilyana really wished she had dressed in a pair of jeans. This doesn't make much sense to me, considering jeans were most likely not invented back then and it was a scandal for girls to wear pants. At least, I'm pretty sure it was a scandal.
One last thing: the last name "Oakleigh" made me freak out when I first saw it. I know you didn't intend for it to happen, but that name sounds like a mixture of Oakley and Annaleigh, which are two of my main female characters, as you know. You make me happy. :)
That's pretty much the end of this review! I'll make another one once I catch up in the story, so I'll see you in Chapter 13, I believe!
4MercedesPhoenixSorry it took me so long to review! I pretty much stayed a safe distance away from FictionPress because me with no desire to write + a place that reminds me of my stories = a pressure to write = me posting a chapter that's pretty much just crap on paper = nobody's happy. I hope that made sense to you, because it sounded a lot better in my head.
Anyways, on to you. I haven't been able to find any good romance stories lately, and none of the people on my Story Alerts list are posting. So when I saw your story and read the summary, my first reaction was something along the lines of "Romance! Yes!" Then I started to read.
Let me just say this story was amazing. I've only read the first chapter so far, but I really like it! I usually don't go for more of the historical fiction stories on FictionPress. But I love yours already, so that deserves a congratulations! I love how Simeon reminds me of a character I really like in the Mortal Instruments trilogy by Cassandra Claire. And the sarcasm makes me smile all through the chapter! I just have one little thing I'm confused on. You mention she's wearing a dress and have added many details that suggest this was in a medieval time period. You then went on to say Lilyana really wished she had dressed in a pair of jeans. This doesn't make much sense to me, considering jeans were most likely not invented back then and it was a scandal for girls to wear pants. At least, I'm pretty sure it was a scandal.
One last thing: the last name "Oakleigh" made me freak out when I first saw it. I know you didn't intend for it to happen, but that name sounds like a mixture of Oakley and Annaleigh, which are two of my main female characters, as you know. You make me happy. :)
That's pretty much the end of this review! I'll make another one once I catch up in the story, so I'll see you in Chapter 13, I believe!