for A Rise to Power11/6/2011 c1 
16Dragon made me do it
'There are moments when the life of a superhero is not a whole lot of fun. One of those times is when your arch enemy is suddenly made into the hero. What does that make you, then?' - reminds me of working in an office. I suppose it must be something fundamental to the nature of power that this sometimes happens.
You do a good job of depicting how it disenfranchised and isolated and downright scared the narrator feels in this position.
'I can almost feel a wave of static electricity making the hairs on my neck stand on end as Dr. Marco picks the statuette up and lifts it for the audience to see. Cheers and applause ensue. Oh well, it seems that he will not slaughter everyone on the spot at least.'
Yes that's usually how these things go, demagogues start out by trying to win people's love before they clamp down with an iron fist.
the black uniform- brings up imagery of blackshirts and brownshirts, and all sorts of nasty secret police that tend to come with dictatorships and the 'I'm just following orders' towards the end does the same.
'He smiles politely, possibly even apologetically, then utters five words that freeze the already chilled blood in my veins. "Dr. Marco sends his regards."' - well this scared the hell out of me, far scarier than is something that actually happened.
I don't really see how you can call this a fragment, if the narrator dies at the end, that sounds like a pretty conclusive ending to me.
I really enjoyed this one :-)
Spelling/grammar/punctuation:
'several stories below me' - in this context, the word is spelt storeys
'In the moment it lasts for him to press the trigger' - this phrase doesn't quite make sense to me, although I guessed what you meant. Something like 'When the moment arrives for him to press the trigger'
16Dragon made me do it'There are moments when the life of a superhero is not a whole lot of fun. One of those times is when your arch enemy is suddenly made into the hero. What does that make you, then?' - reminds me of working in an office. I suppose it must be something fundamental to the nature of power that this sometimes happens.
You do a good job of depicting how it disenfranchised and isolated and downright scared the narrator feels in this position.
'I can almost feel a wave of static electricity making the hairs on my neck stand on end as Dr. Marco picks the statuette up and lifts it for the audience to see. Cheers and applause ensue. Oh well, it seems that he will not slaughter everyone on the spot at least.'
Yes that's usually how these things go, demagogues start out by trying to win people's love before they clamp down with an iron fist.
the black uniform- brings up imagery of blackshirts and brownshirts, and all sorts of nasty secret police that tend to come with dictatorships and the 'I'm just following orders' towards the end does the same.
'He smiles politely, possibly even apologetically, then utters five words that freeze the already chilled blood in my veins. "Dr. Marco sends his regards."' - well this scared the hell out of me, far scarier than is something that actually happened.
I don't really see how you can call this a fragment, if the narrator dies at the end, that sounds like a pretty conclusive ending to me.
I really enjoyed this one :-)
Spelling/grammar/punctuation:
'several stories below me' - in this context, the word is spelt storeys
'In the moment it lasts for him to press the trigger' - this phrase doesn't quite make sense to me, although I guessed what you meant. Something like 'When the moment arrives for him to press the trigger'