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for Joachim Kelley

2/5/2011 c1 3metasgirl
Uhh... Bravo. I really enjoyed this, except for a bit of the pointless paragraphs in the middle. The ending was actually really funny too. Hah. It was a funny mystery-horror. A great story!
1/18/2011 c1 8OniRoi
I love the descriptiveness and the way you've created Joachim's personality.
1/17/2011 c1 1walkonair
I am so disappointed in you. Peach-Scent was supposed to grab him, kiss him passionately, and pull him to her lair at the end. But she killed him, instead. How decidedly unromantic.

In all seriousness, this was very well written and oh so vivid and dramatic.

I am also so jealous that you wrote this in two hours.

Sorry I don't have more to say, but I enjoyed this very much. :)
1/17/2011 c1 17Avra-Sha Faohla
Ooh, exciting! I love the name. And I love this line: "I wouldn't want to be anybody else."
1/17/2011 c1 7Justin Carlton
Hey, really nice! Good detail and very succinct. The ending was easily anticipated, but it seems the piece needed to come full-circle in order for it to work.

I find it hard to believe that an experienced hitman would leave his truck around the corner from the job. Aside from witnesses seeing it, he runs the risk of blowing his own cover.

Good writing overall, as usual.

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