for The 'Gift' of Magic2/7/2011 c3 yoyoyo7789
I'm hungry so I'm gonna review this real quick and real speedy just like this if that's ok, ok? Yeah, I'm sure it is. This was my favourite chapter so far. Darius makes an awesome character; he was fun, interesting, quirky...everything you want in the mentor figure. The ending scene was great, too; added a nice edge of tension, grit, and, obviously, darkness. Wo scary! Great work. Looking forward to more. =) x
I'm hungry so I'm gonna review this real quick and real speedy just like this if that's ok, ok? Yeah, I'm sure it is. This was my favourite chapter so far. Darius makes an awesome character; he was fun, interesting, quirky...everything you want in the mentor figure. The ending scene was great, too; added a nice edge of tension, grit, and, obviously, darkness. Wo scary! Great work. Looking forward to more. =) x
2/7/2011 c2 yoyoyo7789
Rom...nom...nom...
Ahem...ok then. Your vocabulary is sound, (well, it exceeds mine, at least) your imagery is explosive and your imagination is soaring. This chapter, content wise, is amazing. It must have been no easy feat to create. Writing style wise, though, I feel that your previous chapter was stronger. However, that's probably due to the fact that you've not proof read this one as much, or something. There's no major errors anywhere, just the occasional fluidity problem. I'll show ya what I mean...
"A dull pain pulsed behind Rek's eyes as he awoke. Not only that, his arms felt heavy and sluggish. His eyes opened slowly."
...personally, whilst the content is great, I think the 'not only that' bit makes it sound dodgy. The repetition of the pronoun 'his' also takes away from the effect. Then again, you may well disagree with me on that. Not my place to say I'm right; it's my place to offer my opinion, though. =p
Anyway, the plot is already drawing the reader in, and confussling many brains to pieces. In true fantasy fashion, you've used many concepts, and neologisms, which makes us feel like we're in a different world completely. Awesome. The characters are exceptionally created, and the setting is exceptional. Imagination is, quite clearly, pulsing through its veins. Keep it up. =)
Rom...nom...nom...
Ahem...ok then. Your vocabulary is sound, (well, it exceeds mine, at least) your imagery is explosive and your imagination is soaring. This chapter, content wise, is amazing. It must have been no easy feat to create. Writing style wise, though, I feel that your previous chapter was stronger. However, that's probably due to the fact that you've not proof read this one as much, or something. There's no major errors anywhere, just the occasional fluidity problem. I'll show ya what I mean...
"A dull pain pulsed behind Rek's eyes as he awoke. Not only that, his arms felt heavy and sluggish. His eyes opened slowly."
...personally, whilst the content is great, I think the 'not only that' bit makes it sound dodgy. The repetition of the pronoun 'his' also takes away from the effect. Then again, you may well disagree with me on that. Not my place to say I'm right; it's my place to offer my opinion, though. =p
Anyway, the plot is already drawing the reader in, and confussling many brains to pieces. In true fantasy fashion, you've used many concepts, and neologisms, which makes us feel like we're in a different world completely. Awesome. The characters are exceptionally created, and the setting is exceptional. Imagination is, quite clearly, pulsing through its veins. Keep it up. =)
2/7/2011 c1 yoyoyo7789
I'm going to be your faithful reviewer for the evening. I should get through these three chapters in oen go; any that you add in the future, though, may take some time for me to get 'round to. Hope you understand. =)
Ahem...alrighty then. You've made a interesting leap forward from your short stories with this. Your writing style has drifted from the previously rough, harsh flow, to this fluid, latinate esque one. This opens doors, you it lets you fit in deeper, more indulgent descriptions. =D
In addition, you've used an interesting technique in that you occasionally disrupt the basic narrative by cutting off and saying, for example, 'two fingers'. It's a useful technique, and it's safe to say that it worked a treat here. =)
In terms of improvements...well, I'm not going to go into detail. But I think you should look over your final paragraph again. Pay extra attention to the first sentence, and maybe read it out loud, and you'll see what I mean.
Your language use, and ability to meld such amazing imagery, is something truly special. This is the kind of writing style that people tend to be quite jealous of. Feed it; experiment with it; play with it. You can only get better; and I think you'll take the literary world by storm, when you do.
I'm going to be your faithful reviewer for the evening. I should get through these three chapters in oen go; any that you add in the future, though, may take some time for me to get 'round to. Hope you understand. =)
Ahem...alrighty then. You've made a interesting leap forward from your short stories with this. Your writing style has drifted from the previously rough, harsh flow, to this fluid, latinate esque one. This opens doors, you it lets you fit in deeper, more indulgent descriptions. =D
In addition, you've used an interesting technique in that you occasionally disrupt the basic narrative by cutting off and saying, for example, 'two fingers'. It's a useful technique, and it's safe to say that it worked a treat here. =)
In terms of improvements...well, I'm not going to go into detail. But I think you should look over your final paragraph again. Pay extra attention to the first sentence, and maybe read it out loud, and you'll see what I mean.
Your language use, and ability to meld such amazing imagery, is something truly special. This is the kind of writing style that people tend to be quite jealous of. Feed it; experiment with it; play with it. You can only get better; and I think you'll take the literary world by storm, when you do.
2/3/2011 c3 
9Mysterious MD
That was another good chapter. Again, it was well written, I didn't encounter any spelling or grammar errors. We see Darius egg Rek on to use his powers, and we see a mysterious figure who wants to use magic for his own gain over Spireless. I look forward to reading more, keep up the good writing.
9Mysterious MDThat was another good chapter. Again, it was well written, I didn't encounter any spelling or grammar errors. We see Darius egg Rek on to use his powers, and we see a mysterious figure who wants to use magic for his own gain over Spireless. I look forward to reading more, keep up the good writing.
2/3/2011 c2 Mysterious MD
That was another interesting chapter. It was a well written chapter, I didn't encounter any spelling or grammar errors. This is a fast paced story, he meets this mysterious person who more likely than not gives him magical powers for reasons of his own. I look forward to reading more, keep up the good writing.
That was another interesting chapter. It was a well written chapter, I didn't encounter any spelling or grammar errors. This is a fast paced story, he meets this mysterious person who more likely than not gives him magical powers for reasons of his own. I look forward to reading more, keep up the good writing.
2/3/2011 c1 Mysterious MD
That was an interesting chapter. It was well written, I didn't encounter any spelling or grammar errors. We see a few characters and find out a bit about the lifestyle for the characters. I look forward to reading more, keep up the good writing.
That was an interesting chapter. It was well written, I didn't encounter any spelling or grammar errors. We see a few characters and find out a bit about the lifestyle for the characters. I look forward to reading more, keep up the good writing.
1/27/2011 c1 6Telephonic
I'm excited to read more of this! Great setting, great description- I had a clear picture of what was happening through the entire thing. I thought the chapter could have been longer but that's a hard call to make on this site, sometimes longer chapters discourage readers. Anyways, if you keep writing I'll keep reading.
6TelephonicI'm excited to read more of this! Great setting, great description- I had a clear picture of what was happening through the entire thing. I thought the chapter could have been longer but that's a hard call to make on this site, sometimes longer chapters discourage readers. Anyways, if you keep writing I'll keep reading.
1/27/2011 c1 119SomeRandomScribbles
I love your writng style! Your descriptive writing is wonderful and sets the scene brilliantly, and your narrative really builds up the tension and drama. I also like how you reveal your characters and their story gradually through action instead of just telling us about them. There was the occasional typo in this, but other than that, a really great opening :)
119SomeRandomScribblesI love your writng style! Your descriptive writing is wonderful and sets the scene brilliantly, and your narrative really builds up the tension and drama. I also like how you reveal your characters and their story gradually through action instead of just telling us about them. There was the occasional typo in this, but other than that, a really great opening :)