for My Life As a Superhero's Girlfriend2/5/2011 c2 
3thenutrunningthenuthouse
Yeah, I like this story. I can see places for cliches to come into play, but I'm assuming you're going to avoid that. As long as that happens, I don't see any major problems plot-wise. Nick's origin story was a bit cliche, but I suppose it is hard to avoid them, so I'll let it pass. Also, Shadow seems like he'll be an interesting villain. From him killing that criminal, I can't tell if he's a vigilante or villain. Aside from that, I'd make sure to develop Nick a little more. Arden's a little more developed with her reading and writing, but she could use some work too. Otherwise, I'll be watching this one.
Oh, and as for genre, I think this could work as either Sci-Fi or Young Adult.
Now, for the review exchange, I'd really appreciate a review or two on 'Tailored.' Thanks in advance. : )
3thenutrunningthenuthouseYeah, I like this story. I can see places for cliches to come into play, but I'm assuming you're going to avoid that. As long as that happens, I don't see any major problems plot-wise. Nick's origin story was a bit cliche, but I suppose it is hard to avoid them, so I'll let it pass. Also, Shadow seems like he'll be an interesting villain. From him killing that criminal, I can't tell if he's a vigilante or villain. Aside from that, I'd make sure to develop Nick a little more. Arden's a little more developed with her reading and writing, but she could use some work too. Otherwise, I'll be watching this one.
Oh, and as for genre, I think this could work as either Sci-Fi or Young Adult.
Now, for the review exchange, I'd really appreciate a review or two on 'Tailored.' Thanks in advance. : )
2/5/2011 c1 thenutrunningthenuthouse
I'm recently getting into twists on the superhero story, and this seems like the start of one of those. Taking the story from the superhero's girlfriend's prospective is interesting, and I can see it going far. So far, both Arden and Nick are pretty good characters for just having their first chapter. The way they joke about the fire and then the news was pretty amusing and seems realistic for their situation. You've interested me, so I'll keep reading.
As for things to work on, things in the beginning where Arden was writing sounds a little odd somehow. Maybe it's just my inner English teacher saying that it's an awful lot of telling. Anyway, I'll keep reading so I can get a better view.
I'm recently getting into twists on the superhero story, and this seems like the start of one of those. Taking the story from the superhero's girlfriend's prospective is interesting, and I can see it going far. So far, both Arden and Nick are pretty good characters for just having their first chapter. The way they joke about the fire and then the news was pretty amusing and seems realistic for their situation. You've interested me, so I'll keep reading.
As for things to work on, things in the beginning where Arden was writing sounds a little odd somehow. Maybe it's just my inner English teacher saying that it's an awful lot of telling. Anyway, I'll keep reading so I can get a better view.
2/3/2011 c2 6Lillian Dooley
The idea seemed very interesting, but it isn't holding my interest. I can tell you are trying to find a stlye, so I'll cut you some slack there, but some of the ideas are put down in a weird way that almost seems unbelievable.
I would like to know more about how they became friends, because if she is so plain, why is she with such a perfect guy? I mean, without super powers, he still seems like a typical popular guy. Is she popular, too? If not, how did they know each other?
Just some questions. Don't give up now!
Lily
6Lillian DooleyThe idea seemed very interesting, but it isn't holding my interest. I can tell you are trying to find a stlye, so I'll cut you some slack there, but some of the ideas are put down in a weird way that almost seems unbelievable.
I would like to know more about how they became friends, because if she is so plain, why is she with such a perfect guy? I mean, without super powers, he still seems like a typical popular guy. Is she popular, too? If not, how did they know each other?
Just some questions. Don't give up now!
Lily
2/3/2011 c1 5Whirlymerle
Very interesting plot you have there. Usually, you hear about the superhero, not the superhero’s boy/girlfriend.
[On top of killer dimples, he also happens to have abilities.] I wish you could put an adjectives in front of “abilities”, something that parallels “killer,” since you’re comparing the two.
[I can't even count the number of times he's saved me from the gruesome fate of a twisted ankle or a stubbed toe. The whole kidnapping or thrown-from-a-high-building scenarios have never really come up, but I'm sure he'd be there to save me.] Very funny! Yeah, I wonder how many times people need to be saved from kidnappings by a superhero. I found the realism pleasantly surprising.
As for you’re A/N, I always thought Sci-fi was the category for superheroes and the like, especially since Nick controls physics. Personally, fantasy brings to mind unicorns and magical forests.
This is a good start, I’m interested in where it’ll go.
Could you review back BDTR? Thanks!
5WhirlymerleVery interesting plot you have there. Usually, you hear about the superhero, not the superhero’s boy/girlfriend.
[On top of killer dimples, he also happens to have abilities.] I wish you could put an adjectives in front of “abilities”, something that parallels “killer,” since you’re comparing the two.
[I can't even count the number of times he's saved me from the gruesome fate of a twisted ankle or a stubbed toe. The whole kidnapping or thrown-from-a-high-building scenarios have never really come up, but I'm sure he'd be there to save me.] Very funny! Yeah, I wonder how many times people need to be saved from kidnappings by a superhero. I found the realism pleasantly surprising.
As for you’re A/N, I always thought Sci-fi was the category for superheroes and the like, especially since Nick controls physics. Personally, fantasy brings to mind unicorns and magical forests.
This is a good start, I’m interested in where it’ll go.
Could you review back BDTR? Thanks!
2/2/2011 c2 8Kobra Kid
Ooh, I really like this Shadow villain! I usually like the darker, colder antagonists, hehe. :3. Anyways, pretty good chapter. I liked the homecoming dance, added a touch of realism to the story. However, I'd like to criticize one thing. I don't think that Nick should be the quarterback of the football team. It makes it a little cliche, and makes him a star already at the school. Personally, I feel like he should just be this average guy in high school, who doesn't do any sports and isn't exactly popular. The same thing with Arden. It would make it really realistic, and it would make this story even better. The small things are like, why I love Marvel over DC. Peter Parker is just a dorky guy who is trying to get by in life, when all of a sudden he gets these powers and becomes extraordinary. Superman, on the other hand, was born to be great. My only exception for DC is Batman, b/c he's just a bad ass. xD. Anyways, I'll stop my rambling. But yeah, Nick and Arden shouldn't be the head of the football team or the editor to the newspaper, in my eyes. It's your story, though. Up to you. :) Besides that, I can't wait to read more about this mysterious Shadow guy! I love the narration of Arden, it's really nice and well thought out! :D
Kobra Kid, Roadhouse
P.S. If you don't mind, can you payback these two reviews via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks!
8Kobra KidOoh, I really like this Shadow villain! I usually like the darker, colder antagonists, hehe. :3. Anyways, pretty good chapter. I liked the homecoming dance, added a touch of realism to the story. However, I'd like to criticize one thing. I don't think that Nick should be the quarterback of the football team. It makes it a little cliche, and makes him a star already at the school. Personally, I feel like he should just be this average guy in high school, who doesn't do any sports and isn't exactly popular. The same thing with Arden. It would make it really realistic, and it would make this story even better. The small things are like, why I love Marvel over DC. Peter Parker is just a dorky guy who is trying to get by in life, when all of a sudden he gets these powers and becomes extraordinary. Superman, on the other hand, was born to be great. My only exception for DC is Batman, b/c he's just a bad ass. xD. Anyways, I'll stop my rambling. But yeah, Nick and Arden shouldn't be the head of the football team or the editor to the newspaper, in my eyes. It's your story, though. Up to you. :) Besides that, I can't wait to read more about this mysterious Shadow guy! I love the narration of Arden, it's really nice and well thought out! :D
Kobra Kid, Roadhouse
P.S. If you don't mind, can you payback these two reviews via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks!
2/2/2011 c1 Kobra Kid
Very interesting beginning! I really like the concept here, about a normal high school girl dating a not-so-ordinary high school boy, who happens to be a superhero. I'm just hoping it doesn't get cliche, like how in every Spider-man movie, Mary Jane Watson is taking hostage by the bad guy. Still love those movies though, haha. Anyways, good introduction! I really love the narrator, Arden's, voice. She sounds like any average teenager I could pull out of my high school's hallways. Nick seems like an interesting character as well, and I hope he has flaws and isn't some perfect, invincible superhero. Pretty good start!
Kobra Kid, Roadhouse
Very interesting beginning! I really like the concept here, about a normal high school girl dating a not-so-ordinary high school boy, who happens to be a superhero. I'm just hoping it doesn't get cliche, like how in every Spider-man movie, Mary Jane Watson is taking hostage by the bad guy. Still love those movies though, haha. Anyways, good introduction! I really love the narrator, Arden's, voice. She sounds like any average teenager I could pull out of my high school's hallways. Nick seems like an interesting character as well, and I hope he has flaws and isn't some perfect, invincible superhero. Pretty good start!
Kobra Kid, Roadhouse
2/2/2011 c2 3LivesTooShort52
Really amazing! This chapter was better than the last- I didn't think that was possible! Oh, and, now that you have the villain, he needs to capture Arden. Also, try giving us a better physical description of Nick...
Oh, and I know I'd personally find it awesome if you started to mention those new, more dangerous, powers that Nick starts getting.
3LivesTooShort52Really amazing! This chapter was better than the last- I didn't think that was possible! Oh, and, now that you have the villain, he needs to capture Arden. Also, try giving us a better physical description of Nick...
Oh, and I know I'd personally find it awesome if you started to mention those new, more dangerous, powers that Nick starts getting.
1/31/2011 c1 2xXLittlePaperGirlXx
This story was so cute. I like the whole idea of a superheroes girlfriend :) I hope you write more soon ^.^
2xXLittlePaperGirlXxThis story was so cute. I like the whole idea of a superheroes girlfriend :) I hope you write more soon ^.^
1/30/2011 c1 31HK Shmetty
Aw, this story is so cute! I really hope you continue it. I will definately read the next chapter.
31HK ShmettyAw, this story is so cute! I really hope you continue it. I will definately read the next chapter.
1/30/2011 c1 3LivesTooShort52
Really amazing. A couple suggestions:
He's a superhero, right? Well superhero's are suposed to be wicked hot, you know? Sexy-like? - Maybe to other girls. Arden might be "immune." :)
How about his eyesight, hearing, etc... How good are those, huh?
Arden, as a character, needs to have a little bit more depth to her (music, sports, etc...)
Try to use more of your senses. When Nick came back from the fire, Arden mentioned smoke, but didn't smell it.
*Really good, I haven't seen anybody bad on here yet. Please check out my story, Fiammetta the Fiery.
Suscribed for the heck of it. And because I'm already addicted. Shh! Don't tell...
3LivesTooShort52Really amazing. A couple suggestions:
He's a superhero, right? Well superhero's are suposed to be wicked hot, you know? Sexy-like? - Maybe to other girls. Arden might be "immune." :)
How about his eyesight, hearing, etc... How good are those, huh?
Arden, as a character, needs to have a little bit more depth to her (music, sports, etc...)
Try to use more of your senses. When Nick came back from the fire, Arden mentioned smoke, but didn't smell it.
*Really good, I haven't seen anybody bad on here yet. Please check out my story, Fiammetta the Fiery.
Suscribed for the heck of it. And because I'm already addicted. Shh! Don't tell...