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for But don't change your style, sweetheart

8/4/2012 c1 3Kat Annie
Everyone one of your poems has a distinct personality. I love this. It's quick like finger snaps.
6/9/2012 c1 28a-perpetual-hiraeth
This reminds me of an anthem. I can almost sing it. Well done.
12/8/2011 c1 28mikey magee
Rhythm: I enjoyed the ryhme scheme in stanzas 3, 4 and 5. They really added a nice musicality to the piece. Something you don't really see in a lot of poetry these days.

Form: I loved the use of white space in the poem (like in stanza 7, with "Pause"). It really embodies the word and makes the reader stop and literally "pause". Nicely done.

Subject: I actually like the irony you've put into the poem. Throughout the piece the speaker wants this other person to change many things about themselves (yet all of these things are superficial) and the title almost rebukes these statments, "but don't change your style), meaning don't change something that isn't superficial about yourself. It's very nice.

Other: I did enjoy the rhyme scheme, but I think it might have helped if it had remainded consistent through the poem. In some stanzas there is rhyme and in others there isn't, so this kind of threw off the poem a little bit for me.

Just the same very nice piece.
10/30/2011 c1 336TheGlycoprotein
Well, where do I start with this?

The constant repetition of change and the varied way in which you use it really hammers home the fact that you want this person to be completely different.

Good use of similes, for example "Say your name with conviction, like you stepped into a warzone and your name is ammunition". It makes the poem much more interesting to read. Word choice as well is quite sophisticated at times, but I think this adds to the poem - the first bit makes me think the person you're wanting to change is quite sloppy, so the sophisticated language adds to how you want them to be.

I like the rhyme scheme, it may be loose, but the way it works is quite intriguing and adds to the flow of the poem.

I also especially like your formatting from "change back" to "times have changed." It just reinforces everything you want the reader to see.

My personal opinion is that this is such a great poem, I really love it :) Great work, well done :)
9/28/2011 c1 GoneAway-MightNotBeReturning
The opening sentence definitely cuaght my attention.

I really loved the rhythm in this piece and the rhyming scheme. It really, well, characterised the narrator well, and it conjured up this whole powerpack of emotions in this poem.

This would rock, if it was a song. Definitely favourited. :D

~ Daphne
2/11/2011 c1 11berley
People have said this before, but I think my favourite part of this piece was the rhythm. It just flowed so nicely as I read it and it worked perfectly with what you were expressing in the poem. I’m not sure if I would say it sounded like a rap, but more like a person taking a friend of theirs by the shoulders and giving them a good shake, if that makes sense.

The opening line was very strong; it grabbed my attention right away. I like how direct it was. I think my favourite line was “Like you stepped into a warzone and your name is ammunition.” Or “Change the way you make mistakes, change that annoying sound you make”

Great job and good luck in the WCC!
2/10/2011 c1 9Air Rey
Another great piece! the stanza breaks work well with your overall flow. The narration also worked well. your tone was well-conveyed and the overall experience of reading this poem is overwhelmingly addicting. I've read it again and again. good job! :)
2/9/2011 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
What an interesting piece. I found the rhyme scheme a little frustrating, but you handled it pretty well, and it wasn't totally regular, and therefore not boring. The rhythm was pretty wicked, too. I got all into it, like I was rapping or something. Yeah. Me. Rapping.


Wait a moment.


Plus, it was nice to see you getting some more poetry out there! In my opinion, there will never be enough active poets on this site.

The title was interesting... I'm still thinking about what it means. I'm mulling this one over, especially with the references to Roman Catholicism in here. My gears are going.

My favorite line was:

"I'm sorry, Father, but I need a little more of your time"

A few complaints... For the most part, you capitalized the first word in every line, which I don't really like... It's akin to letting MS Word write a part of your poem. What a terrible world we will live in when computer programs write our poetry for us.

Also, you don't have to end every single line with a stop. That gets pretty repetitive after a while.

Great job, and please write more poems! I want someone to write poems with, seeing as Dee went off and died. She hasn't been here for months.

Sorry. Venting over.


Best of luck this month!

2/8/2011 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
Loved the upbeat tone to this. The rhyming gave it a nice rhythm too. You won't be upset if I say it sounded slightly like a rap? XD But in a good way!

"Like you stepped into a warzone and your name is ammunition."

That's a nice line right there. Snazzy rhyming, too.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
2/8/2011 c1 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
This is so cool! It reads like lyrics to a song. I could totally see this in a crazy awesome music video. Everything just flowed and the voice had so much power to it. So commanding, must obey! :O

The only thing that I didn't get was the use of 'Leopard can't change its spots' in the place it currently is. I get that it ties in with the end of the poem but grouped with the rest of the stanza, it felt out of place. Like you wanted to merge into the final accusation that this person refuses to change but it was too fast. To me, and this is just my opinion, it feels like it'd make more sense to flip that line and Times have changed, and possibly set the leopard line off on its own. But that's my poetically illiterate opinion so feel free to ignore this! :)

Nice job and good luck in the WCC!
2/7/2011 c1 22RavenclawMoose
I liked the rhythm of this poem quite a bit. It felt quick and annoyed, in a good sort of way. It had a very distinct narrator voice. This, to me, really made the difference in this between something good and something bad. I did not care much for the message, but I could hear the whole thing as though someone were saying it to someone they didn't like. The narrator came off as a bit pretentious, but at the same time it worked really well in context.

I also liked the way you used the prompt in this. It was interesting.

Good luck in the WCC!

2/7/2011 c1 8Adrenalin
I think it's the first time I saw you using a prompt in such a straightforward manner. I rather like it (it's more my style :p).

I liked the repetition of 'change' at first, but upon reading it again I felt you overused it a little. In the end it just sound like a list. Maybe it sounds different when read aloud though. I'd like to hear it.

Good luck in the WCC.
2/5/2011 c1 1xenolith
This was an odd way to start a poem, I think, with 'Be quiet', it kind of shocked me. Or stunned, rather. In a good way though. Plus no one really says be quiet anymore, it's all shut up or quit it or some kind of swear word mixed with slang, so the fact that this was so simple straight away really intrigued me. It keeps on like that, and I like how it felt very calm and direct. So the sudden exclamation mark at 'And change!' was also a bit of a shock, especially after that lovely little rhyme scheme. I think that's very effective, considering the subject matter. Change is sometimes a sharp shock to the system.

Love the name as ammunition, that's very self-righteous, and I think I'm going to remember that for a while. Something to tell myself when I'm feeling a little down, lol.

The pauses are great. Because we started out with the 'be silent' line, the poem has kinda taken on a simon says kind of vibe. The commands are really direct and simple and it's impossible not to obey.

Ruminate, meditate. Fantastic.

I wasn't sure about the ending, like I almost felt the pause, reflect, change was strong enough to end on. But I re-read it a couple of times, and now I think it's perfect. Earlier on, I liked how you alternated things that mattered with things that didn't, like changing the channel, for example. There are so many 'things' in our lives that you sometimes you forget that none of it really matters. It also reminded me of Prufrock a little, how at the beginning of the poem he's all 'do i dare disturb the universe', and by the end he's berated himself so much that his scope of ambition has narrowed down to 'should I eat a peach', ect. Ah, I think I'm rambling. I just really enjoyed this poem. It's given me a lot to think about!

Best of luck in the WCC, Liana. I have a feeling you'll do great :)
2/5/2011 c1 5thefaultinourpatronus
I think while reading this whole thing, my heart was racing. It's an extremely dramatic poem, and I really love the rhyming scheme. "It wanna see some fucking passion!" Shouldn't it be 'I wanna see some fucking passion!"? Just a thought.

Good luck in this months WCC!

x mandy

~review game, link on my profile*
2/5/2011 c1 PM review from an ossum woman
In the same fix as last time, hope that’s ok.

Man, you should so be a songwriter. I could so seeing this being a top ten hit, lol!

The rhythm, the rhyme, the passion of it is just so wonderful.

Particularly for rhythm: “Say your name with conviction. Like you stepped outta into a warzone and your name is ammunition.” (though I’m not sure about outta into logically, but I can go with it, and the

rhythm is so cool I don’t care.

Likewise “better not don't disappoint me.” Not don’t?

“Be silent.


Wait a moment.

Begin again.”

Love the dramatic pauses there! Perfect!

“I'm sorry, Father, but I think I need some more of your time” – This bit I was least fond of, it just didn’t seem to have the rhythm, of the rest. I can squish it into a rhythm, but… yeah.

“Change the way you sleep, the way you dress.

Change the way you make a mess.

When you drop something, I want you to pick it back up again and smash it.

It wanna see some fucking passion!”

Haha! I love the ‘change the way you make a mess’ especially, coz it’s not like, clean up your fucking act, like someone would normally say, its totally thinking out of the circle and I love it.

And the last stanza was just spot on too. AWESOMENESS! Good luck in the WCC (not that you’ll need it, you genius you!)
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