for Obsession10/23/2011 c1 
9KittyB78
I can see the emotion you poured into this. My constructive criticism for this is: You kept switching tenses.
examples from your work.
:
He's passed - {past tense} me. I release - {present tense} the breath that I didn't know I was holding.
But she was - {past} an idiot. It's not so complicated as all that.I just don't want to look at him; I don't want to make a fool of myself. If I see him, I can't help but stare. The rest of my body stops working; I stand there looking - {present} a fool.
A few misspelled words like this one: defence mechanism {defense mechanism} s- not c.
Otherwise pretty good. the symbolism with the flowers was a nice touch.
9KittyB78I can see the emotion you poured into this. My constructive criticism for this is: You kept switching tenses.
examples from your work.
:
He's passed - {past tense} me. I release - {present tense} the breath that I didn't know I was holding.
But she was - {past} an idiot. It's not so complicated as all that.I just don't want to look at him; I don't want to make a fool of myself. If I see him, I can't help but stare. The rest of my body stops working; I stand there looking - {present} a fool.
A few misspelled words like this one: defence mechanism {defense mechanism} s- not c.
Otherwise pretty good. the symbolism with the flowers was a nice touch.
3/18/2011 c1 1MusicIsMyLife141
Wow, I really liked this! It sounds so much like me. I have liked this one guy for the past three years and he goes out with this girl that used to be my friend. Now I hate her. It hurts too. The worst part is whenever he talks to me or teases me, I act like a jerk. On accident though, not intentionally. I don't exactly have many guys flirt with me... I completely relate to this person... And I just can't seem to get over him either. Proof that life mostly sucks.
1MusicIsMyLife141Wow, I really liked this! It sounds so much like me. I have liked this one guy for the past three years and he goes out with this girl that used to be my friend. Now I hate her. It hurts too. The worst part is whenever he talks to me or teases me, I act like a jerk. On accident though, not intentionally. I don't exactly have many guys flirt with me... I completely relate to this person... And I just can't seem to get over him either. Proof that life mostly sucks.
2/21/2011 c1 Spun In Delirium
God! I feel exactly the same. The only difference is that the boy has green eyes..:D
I like it! Seriusly it made me see that I'm not the only one that's to scary to talk!
Again, I like it !
God! I feel exactly the same. The only difference is that the boy has green eyes..:D
I like it! Seriusly it made me see that I'm not the only one that's to scary to talk!
Again, I like it !