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11/9/2012 c1 Lizray
This was definitely beautifully written. As a matter a fact I wonder if you have ever read "The Story of an Hour", the author's name escapes me right now but for some reason I found some similarities between the two stories. Although in different centuries both stories talk about the solitude of a young woman, the pain of being married with someone they don't love and the rare but necessary sense of finally feeling alive. But enough chitchat. Again beautiful story and best wishes... Lizray
7/28/2011 c1 7rgarner31
Congrats on your win at the WCC, here is your prize! :)

- I really like your opening paragraph, because it really puts the character's relationship into perspective, and fast. I love the line, "But she wasn't sorry. Not at all."

- I LOVE the ending, mainly because, "pulse of being alive," really drives home your point of their love

- In the beginning especially, i was bummed when i didn't see many indicators of the time period. Otgher than theres a maid, if you took out the time stamp i wouldn't know the time period.

- Your dialogue seems to fit well with your character's apparent personalities

- I really appreciate that you take the time to develop your characters through the actions they take. Most people are like, "theyre cool. But lazy cuz they hate work. Blah blah blah" Lol :)

- I definately understand how Widya feels in this, especially how scared she is to let her feelings take the reins in her, and it totally makes sense that she tries to cool her emotions.

- I like that your writing style includes "show dont tell" throughout the chapter. Its so boring trying to push my eyes to keep reading a story that keeps *telling* me information on the character without showing it through their actions.

- "Can almost smell..." Did you mean, "She could almost smell,"?

"Sniggers," maybe meant to be "snickers"?

Instead of "Leech," meant to be "leash"?

- I enjoyed reading this piece mainly because of how quickly it flows and that its easily digestible. I dont care how, "amazing" Nathaniel Hawthorn was, he just ain't my cup of tea :P

- I really like the idea of the relationship between Widya and Bayu, and have even thought of writing a story with a slightly similar plot line, but then decided not to when Brothers, the movie came out. I worry here that the two may be eerily similar in some places, so ide be careful about that

- This piece has a good, steady pace with a nice sense of direction. It really looks like you know where to go with this

- I really enjoy your descriptions. Not necessarily your scenery ones, but just things like, "it was a snorting laugh," really helps me to understand him better, which is always a good thing in writing.

Good luck with this piece and congrats on winning the WCC! :)
7/4/2011 c1 7WoodpeckerWho
For me, the lack of subject in some sentences didn't really work, although I do understand why you've done it. I found myself slightly confused about which objects belong to who etc.

I do like how this piece is broken up into several sections. In each, there is a subtle change in the interaction between Widya and Bayu, gradually leading to the climax at the end. It's very cleverly done and to me, the reader, it portrays the development in their relationship quickly, but still in-depth and fully.

I also liked how abstract the piece was. Yes, there was a set storyline, but as the description of surroundings and characters were not hugely detailed, it left a lot to the imagination, which is something I enjoy in writing. There are also many points at which the reader can take own their own interpretation, leaving a wide-ended field of possibilities.

Overall, I really did find reading this piece enjoyable; it flows nicely and is in a style that I wouldn't normally read, but really did admire and find interesting. - Woodpecker.
2/9/2011 c1 Yes
Who! I'm always happy to stumble upon something that's actually well written and well put together! Nice work. I liked the house symbolism, and lots of good tension!
2/8/2011 c1 unknownaliases
wow - this is beautiful. i hope you revisit these characters...

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