for Three Little Words6/5/2013 c1 
8written-tragedies
Oh my. This is so heart wrenching. In a Young Adult's literary world, I've never read so much of a writer who's a guy before, since most YA novels are made my women. So, this whole situation, the very narration of the husband, overwhelms me. I can't help but fall in love with your works. I like it. I totally like it. I wish you could publish a book someday. I'll definitely buy it.
One correction though. The god you have in the chapter, can you please change it to capital G, "God"? If the God you're referring to is the one who answers prayers and the Most High, then please do so. It would mean so much to me and Him as well. Thank you so much!
8written-tragediesOh my. This is so heart wrenching. In a Young Adult's literary world, I've never read so much of a writer who's a guy before, since most YA novels are made my women. So, this whole situation, the very narration of the husband, overwhelms me. I can't help but fall in love with your works. I like it. I totally like it. I wish you could publish a book someday. I'll definitely buy it.
One correction though. The god you have in the chapter, can you please change it to capital G, "God"? If the God you're referring to is the one who answers prayers and the Most High, then please do so. It would mean so much to me and Him as well. Thank you so much!
10/22/2011 c1 3Kitty1116
Another beautiful piece written by you! I am actually crying right now and I got shivers, that's how good this is. Wonderful story.
3Kitty1116Another beautiful piece written by you! I am actually crying right now and I got shivers, that's how good this is. Wonderful story.
10/21/2011 c1 melanincyclops
Whoa...this is a really heavy story. The depth in the words and the depth of his absolute hatred at first for her leaving and going through her murder, rape and comatose, followed by her pregnancy;only to be turned around and brought back to light by his devotion to be with her til the end was both joyous and saddening. I naturally love the sadder side of life; maybe there's something wrong with me personally, but this was beautifully written. And, honestly, when you sent me that email asking which of my stories I've read, I couldn't just say "I haven't read any, because I was too busy trying to make up my mind which one fascinated me the most," because it would make me look bad as a reader as well as a writer. I had to actually READ something of yours and, of course, review simply because your work is lovely. I would say more on it, but I would most likely go past the 10,000 word limit. (heh) Just know you've gained a fan.
-Hammer.Heart.-
Whoa...this is a really heavy story. The depth in the words and the depth of his absolute hatred at first for her leaving and going through her murder, rape and comatose, followed by her pregnancy;only to be turned around and brought back to light by his devotion to be with her til the end was both joyous and saddening. I naturally love the sadder side of life; maybe there's something wrong with me personally, but this was beautifully written. And, honestly, when you sent me that email asking which of my stories I've read, I couldn't just say "I haven't read any, because I was too busy trying to make up my mind which one fascinated me the most," because it would make me look bad as a reader as well as a writer. I had to actually READ something of yours and, of course, review simply because your work is lovely. I would say more on it, but I would most likely go past the 10,000 word limit. (heh) Just know you've gained a fan.
-Hammer.Heart.-
8/30/2011 c1 Ann E. Casap
This was the most best, depressing love story I've ever read. My jaw had been dropped the entire time from start to finish. Reading this has taught me a valuable lesson; no matter how angry you are at your loved one, never ever say 'i hate you'. Thank you sir
This was the most best, depressing love story I've ever read. My jaw had been dropped the entire time from start to finish. Reading this has taught me a valuable lesson; no matter how angry you are at your loved one, never ever say 'i hate you'. Thank you sir
4/24/2011 c1 ElSenorFanol
The premise is intriguing, dark, morbid even. Each of the themes, rape, life support, suicide, regret, are anything but uplifting but it feels like too much was fit into too little space.
I see the unlatched door, but what else? So many of these short, choppy paragraphs leave an enormous amount of room for vivid, gritty, horrifying imagery. While "shredded clothes, saturated in your own blood" and "your typically pale flesh covered with bruises" and a variety of other viscous bodily fluids are splendid images, so much more could be done.
If he's horrified then describe more facets of that horror. His home has been invaded, his wife has been violated, this hearth of warmth, happiness, and love is forever desecrated, describing each of these will add to his terror. Sure, it's implied that any husband seeing something like this done to his wife won't be as right in the head but illustrate that descent into madness more gradually. As far as I see it, you ease into the last gun bit with an increasing restlessness in the husband's voice which gives the effect you want but so much more can be done.
The line breaks look like more of a cop-out than a technique to build tension. Where I expect a paragraph detailing the increasingly tumultuous inner conflict the husband faces while going to his desecrated home every night after the hospital I get a single, sterile, solid line.
I sympathize with the husband, but there's so much untapped emotion to coax, tug, and rip out from the reader.
The premise is intriguing, dark, morbid even. Each of the themes, rape, life support, suicide, regret, are anything but uplifting but it feels like too much was fit into too little space.
I see the unlatched door, but what else? So many of these short, choppy paragraphs leave an enormous amount of room for vivid, gritty, horrifying imagery. While "shredded clothes, saturated in your own blood" and "your typically pale flesh covered with bruises" and a variety of other viscous bodily fluids are splendid images, so much more could be done.
If he's horrified then describe more facets of that horror. His home has been invaded, his wife has been violated, this hearth of warmth, happiness, and love is forever desecrated, describing each of these will add to his terror. Sure, it's implied that any husband seeing something like this done to his wife won't be as right in the head but illustrate that descent into madness more gradually. As far as I see it, you ease into the last gun bit with an increasing restlessness in the husband's voice which gives the effect you want but so much more can be done.
The line breaks look like more of a cop-out than a technique to build tension. Where I expect a paragraph detailing the increasingly tumultuous inner conflict the husband faces while going to his desecrated home every night after the hospital I get a single, sterile, solid line.
I sympathize with the husband, but there's so much untapped emotion to coax, tug, and rip out from the reader.
4/19/2011 c1 1Bisepadi
...So, I guess I'm finally getting round to reviewing this. When I was dond reading, I remember just switching off my computer n crying for a few minutes. Next thing I know I'm at my girlfriend's doorstep with a bunch of tulips and big plans. When she noticed how distressed I was and needled at me over dinner to spill, I remember just smiling n reassuring her that as long as we were together, all was right with the world...Cheesy, I know, but I'll be the first to point out that the sex was astronomical that night :-D Thank you. This little gem has now n forever been archived in my external hard drive, to be read n reread until my eyes r sore n my laptop develops earmarks...Honestly speaking though, I'm feeling a little bad about suggesting Ghost Girl to you if it gave u nightmares. I actually still hold a tentative line of communication with its author. He claims that he discontinued the fic becoz he hadn't done as good a job at coloring the world as dark and as cutthroat as he would've liked. He's currently in the process of restructuring the entire story to meet his death-defying expectations. Heh. Good luck with that, I told him. If ghost girl was any darker, it would be nigh unreadable unless one was possessed of a diamond-encrusted stomach... Random question: R u up-to-date with the Black Lagoon: Roberta's Blood Trail? Coz it would be awesome if there existed another human who frothed at the mouth whenever Roberta rewrites the laws of Badassery ;-p
1Bisepadi...So, I guess I'm finally getting round to reviewing this. When I was dond reading, I remember just switching off my computer n crying for a few minutes. Next thing I know I'm at my girlfriend's doorstep with a bunch of tulips and big plans. When she noticed how distressed I was and needled at me over dinner to spill, I remember just smiling n reassuring her that as long as we were together, all was right with the world...Cheesy, I know, but I'll be the first to point out that the sex was astronomical that night :-D Thank you. This little gem has now n forever been archived in my external hard drive, to be read n reread until my eyes r sore n my laptop develops earmarks...Honestly speaking though, I'm feeling a little bad about suggesting Ghost Girl to you if it gave u nightmares. I actually still hold a tentative line of communication with its author. He claims that he discontinued the fic becoz he hadn't done as good a job at coloring the world as dark and as cutthroat as he would've liked. He's currently in the process of restructuring the entire story to meet his death-defying expectations. Heh. Good luck with that, I told him. If ghost girl was any darker, it would be nigh unreadable unless one was possessed of a diamond-encrusted stomach... Random question: R u up-to-date with the Black Lagoon: Roberta's Blood Trail? Coz it would be awesome if there existed another human who frothed at the mouth whenever Roberta rewrites the laws of Badassery ;-p
2/10/2011 c1 sayalovesdiva
Wow! That was dark. But speaking as someone who has lost loved ones. I can understand how he felt. I tried to take that road myself. I was found by my sister. If she hadn't I'd be dead now. This is a hard story to read. But I understand it.
Wow! That was dark. But speaking as someone who has lost loved ones. I can understand how he felt. I tried to take that road myself. I was found by my sister. If she hadn't I'd be dead now. This is a hard story to read. But I understand it.
2/8/2011 c1 119SomeRandomScribbles
Really beautiful story - you built up supsense amazingly; I love your writing style. The meaning behind this shines through. Great piece.
119SomeRandomScribblesReally beautiful story - you built up supsense amazingly; I love your writing style. The meaning behind this shines through. Great piece.
2/8/2011 c1 E. Belle
I almost cried. This was just too sad! But, it was also very well written... So good job. I like sad stories, so I did enjoy this one (Er, not that I enjoyed hearing about something like this happening). As I said, good job, it really moved me...
I almost cried. This was just too sad! But, it was also very well written... So good job. I like sad stories, so I did enjoy this one (Er, not that I enjoyed hearing about something like this happening). As I said, good job, it really moved me...