for The Autumn Effect7/23/2011 c1 Ache
I like that this started off with some action and character interaction. :) I think you did good with keeping it detailed without being tedious and yet not leaving out important details. However a few things to point out, its best if you don't address the reader in the story so...cheesily I guess? like when you wrote "I guess you're wondering...", it comes off a little bit amatuerish. But that's just my opinion of course. Also i really like your main girl, you really can tell what type of person she is and her voice comes off strong. Just don't forget to develop and describe your other characters, like Ryan. However for a first chapter this is really good :) keep it up. hope this review was helpful
I like that this started off with some action and character interaction. :) I think you did good with keeping it detailed without being tedious and yet not leaving out important details. However a few things to point out, its best if you don't address the reader in the story so...cheesily I guess? like when you wrote "I guess you're wondering...", it comes off a little bit amatuerish. But that's just my opinion of course. Also i really like your main girl, you really can tell what type of person she is and her voice comes off strong. Just don't forget to develop and describe your other characters, like Ryan. However for a first chapter this is really good :) keep it up. hope this review was helpful
7/22/2011 c2 
3Holly Nicole
Congrats on your acceptance! This chapter was definitely worth waiting for. I love the descriptions and how Aiden's personality really shines through! Can't wait for the next chapter :)!
3Holly NicoleCongrats on your acceptance! This chapter was definitely worth waiting for. I love the descriptions and how Aiden's personality really shines through! Can't wait for the next chapter :)!
7/22/2011 c2 3Everis
Ooh! This is exciting! I love how not a single line is wasted with your writing. Right away, you started developing Aidan's character and your always either adding to the characters or adding to the plot. You're off to an exciting beginning, so I can't wait for more!
3EverisOoh! This is exciting! I love how not a single line is wasted with your writing. Right away, you started developing Aidan's character and your always either adding to the characters or adding to the plot. You're off to an exciting beginning, so I can't wait for more!
2/13/2011 c1 3Holly Nicole
Wow...just wow! This is an awesome start! I can't wait to read the next part!
3Holly NicoleWow...just wow! This is an awesome start! I can't wait to read the next part!