for Winter Night4/23/2012 c1 
3Geraldine Aubergine
Resplendent snow- really great image here. I like the image of the snow as a princess, and I think that could be expanded upon.
-Geri
3Geraldine AubergineResplendent snow- really great image here. I like the image of the snow as a princess, and I think that could be expanded upon.
-Geri
2/26/2011 c1 612simpleplan13
Thanks for your reviews!
"cascading the ground"... I don't get how you can cascade the ground. You would cascade to the ground or over the ground maybe...
The rhyming seemed a bit forced especially with those first two lines. I did like the word choices here though. I thought you had some really great and powerful adjectives which was great since snow is described a lot so the descriptions can get redundant, but not here.
612simpleplan13Thanks for your reviews!
"cascading the ground"... I don't get how you can cascade the ground. You would cascade to the ground or over the ground maybe...
The rhyming seemed a bit forced especially with those first two lines. I did like the word choices here though. I thought you had some really great and powerful adjectives which was great since snow is described a lot so the descriptions can get redundant, but not here.
2/26/2011 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
[RG - Poems - Depth]
Word Choice: Snow brings out the ethereal in us, and your word choice here certainly reflects that. I think, though, that there was one error you made. This is supposed to be a winter night. All of the colors in your poem are white, except for the word "nature" - that word makes me think of green colors, which doesn't really fit. Also, I'm getting too much light, too much brightness, for a "winter night". You may want to rethink the title.
Punctuation/grammar: I think you could improve the rhythm of your poem immensely in about ten seconds by replacing the two commas with semicolons. Also, I would look at your "sentences" to make sure that they make grammatical sense. This poem seems more like a series of images than punctuated sentences; if it is, you should punctuate it accordingly.
Flow: I did not like the rhyme here, not at all. It made the entire poem choppy and irrhythmic. I feel like you only chose the word "bright" because it rhymed. Same with "profound".
Technical aspects: I want to specifically focus on lengths in your poem. For the length of the poem, the length of your lines were just right, despite the rhythmic aspects I mentioned above. I feel that if the lines had not been so choppy, I would have really enjoyed the overall sensation of riding the poem. However, I did say "for the length of your poem" - I think it was a little bit short. When snow is falling outside, it seems to last forever. Ten seconds feels like a lifetime. I think you should have made this poem a little longer if you wanted to more accurately capture the feeling of watching snow fall.
Not a bad poem at all - keep up the good work!
-twb
75thewhimsicalbard[RG - Poems - Depth]
Word Choice: Snow brings out the ethereal in us, and your word choice here certainly reflects that. I think, though, that there was one error you made. This is supposed to be a winter night. All of the colors in your poem are white, except for the word "nature" - that word makes me think of green colors, which doesn't really fit. Also, I'm getting too much light, too much brightness, for a "winter night". You may want to rethink the title.
Punctuation/grammar: I think you could improve the rhythm of your poem immensely in about ten seconds by replacing the two commas with semicolons. Also, I would look at your "sentences" to make sure that they make grammatical sense. This poem seems more like a series of images than punctuated sentences; if it is, you should punctuate it accordingly.
Flow: I did not like the rhyme here, not at all. It made the entire poem choppy and irrhythmic. I feel like you only chose the word "bright" because it rhymed. Same with "profound".
Technical aspects: I want to specifically focus on lengths in your poem. For the length of the poem, the length of your lines were just right, despite the rhythmic aspects I mentioned above. I feel that if the lines had not been so choppy, I would have really enjoyed the overall sensation of riding the poem. However, I did say "for the length of your poem" - I think it was a little bit short. When snow is falling outside, it seems to last forever. Ten seconds feels like a lifetime. I think you should have made this poem a little longer if you wanted to more accurately capture the feeling of watching snow fall.
Not a bad poem at all - keep up the good work!
-twb
2/23/2011 c1 1esthaelum
I love how you described winter like a princess! I always thought of winter as elegant and somehow... pure? And princesses are a great image for that! I thought thtta was clever how you put those two together. I love how this rhymed too. I always find it hard to rhyme in poems, but you made it seem effortless and easy! Overall, this was a nice short poem, and I enjoyed reading it very much :D
Roadhouse~
1esthaelumI love how you described winter like a princess! I always thought of winter as elegant and somehow... pure? And princesses are a great image for that! I thought thtta was clever how you put those two together. I love how this rhymed too. I always find it hard to rhyme in poems, but you made it seem effortless and easy! Overall, this was a nice short poem, and I enjoyed reading it very much :D
Roadhouse~
2/23/2011 c1 8FlamingInk57
That was short and awesome. I love how you make a poem so epic in only a few short lines. I love the snow, it is freaking awesome, and I think this poem was perfect for the theme. You really are a poetry queen. Once again so awesome. You're a brilliant writer.
8FlamingInk57That was short and awesome. I love how you make a poem so epic in only a few short lines. I love the snow, it is freaking awesome, and I think this poem was perfect for the theme. You really are a poetry queen. Once again so awesome. You're a brilliant writer.
2/22/2011 c1 8Kobra Kid
I'm not really a great critic at poetry. I'm better at stories, nonetheless, I'll try my very best! My suggestion is to expand on the idea of snow and winter instead of trying to cram in as many vivid vocabulary words in four lines. Don't get me wrong, I can tell that you can write poetry from only these four lines, but I think that you could expand it and then maybe it would be even better! Wonderful job, either way! I fail at poetry. I can never get my thoughts straight, haha. :D Anyways, beautiful word choice!
Kobra Kid, Roadhouse
**1/2 repaid (What other poem do you want me to review? Do you have a specific one or just any one of them?)
8Kobra KidI'm not really a great critic at poetry. I'm better at stories, nonetheless, I'll try my very best! My suggestion is to expand on the idea of snow and winter instead of trying to cram in as many vivid vocabulary words in four lines. Don't get me wrong, I can tell that you can write poetry from only these four lines, but I think that you could expand it and then maybe it would be even better! Wonderful job, either way! I fail at poetry. I can never get my thoughts straight, haha. :D Anyways, beautiful word choice!
Kobra Kid, Roadhouse
**1/2 repaid (What other poem do you want me to review? Do you have a specific one or just any one of them?)
2/21/2011 c1 13the ticking clock
you dont give yourself enough credit! I think you live up to your username, PoetryQueen. Keep writing.
13the ticking clockyou dont give yourself enough credit! I think you live up to your username, PoetryQueen. Keep writing.