for Alice & Eve5/26/2011 c1 
1Souffle Girl
Although in some of the places the lines were uneven syllable wise, I still really enjoyed the poem, mostly because it had such a great message. :) I won't get all ranty political on here, but I definitely agree with what you're saying here.
"Are you saying that my marriage will make yours obsolete?
Why should you have a problem with my becoming complete?
Is it wrong that I wanna put a ring on her finger and tell her I do?
Or are you just scared I can do it better than you?"
^That part was my favorite. The syllable count matched, the rhyming was nice, and it just packed a nice punch at the end.
Great job!
1Souffle GirlAlthough in some of the places the lines were uneven syllable wise, I still really enjoyed the poem, mostly because it had such a great message. :) I won't get all ranty political on here, but I definitely agree with what you're saying here.
"Are you saying that my marriage will make yours obsolete?
Why should you have a problem with my becoming complete?
Is it wrong that I wanna put a ring on her finger and tell her I do?
Or are you just scared I can do it better than you?"
^That part was my favorite. The syllable count matched, the rhyming was nice, and it just packed a nice punch at the end.
Great job!
3/1/2011 c1 22lipleaf
I love the concept behind this poem and the sassy tone. It gives the speaker character and separates her from being another faceless voice in the crowd. I think you should go back and take a look at the meter- in some places the lines are uneven (some having too many syllables) and it throws the flow off a bit. Nice job. :]
22lipleafI love the concept behind this poem and the sassy tone. It gives the speaker character and separates her from being another faceless voice in the crowd. I think you should go back and take a look at the meter- in some places the lines are uneven (some having too many syllables) and it throws the flow off a bit. Nice job. :]
2/27/2011 c1 1The Western Imperium
Sorry, no. I'm just biased, because I'm far-right. But still...no.
1The Western ImperiumSorry, no. I'm just biased, because I'm far-right. But still...no.