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2/28/2011 c1 18FALLEN101
Well first off I want to say that I really liked it, not so much as the last one but it was still good, well written, and fun to read. It was quite suspenseful for Aaron's part of the story and Peter and Richard had excellent character development throughout, it's rare to see so much of it in such a short story. The descriptions were excellent, your use of adjectives were awesome, I had no problem seeing what was going on.

I do have one suggestion, for Aaron's struggle perhaps make the descriptions of the attack shorter to add to the sense of raw violence and horror, it felt a bit long towards the end of the attack when it actually finished him off.

There were some technical errors I noticed, there weren't too many but I figured I'd list them: In the 2nd italicized paragraph "He couldn't se.." Add another e.

I don't know if it's intentional but when they arrive at the camp Peter says, "Awe won't even have to stay here overnight." It doesn't make sense as it's written, I think you were going to put and we at the beginning but I'm not sure.

"I found the body of a band new father" Brand?

I also appreciated the allusion to the couple in Africa from your last story, well placed. All in all, great story and keep up the good work.
2/27/2011 c1 19Henry Viau
I really admire-if not envy-your ability to pump out three or four chapters to several different stories over the course of a couple days, and then write a totally new story on top of that! At most I can do a few poems in a week, and then a short story if I get lucky... Oh, and not to mention, all those chapters and stories you're writing are actually good! I could understand if some were rubbish and others weren't, but they're constantly good. Gahaha, you gotta' teach me your secret.
2/27/2011 c1 13MADdreamers
Near the end, I was just waiting for the hybrid to just jump out but I'm glad it didn't. I liked how you flashed back to Aaron's point of view to pull the story together. Showing the hybrid's view and what it was thinking was really interesting. Good story, thanks for posting.

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