for My Teacher3/13/2011 c1 
21Sercus Kaynine
Ah, so the body is the teacher, I see. Nice twist.
Loved the way you brought a corpse to life, making the emotions and thoughts of the narrator consider what it was like for this person to live. Neat idea and message.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
21Sercus KaynineAh, so the body is the teacher, I see. Nice twist.
Loved the way you brought a corpse to life, making the emotions and thoughts of the narrator consider what it was like for this person to live. Neat idea and message.
Good job and good luck in WCC!
3/10/2011 c1 4What Happens Now
Yay, nice opening! I specifically like it because of the tone I felt in it, even at that point I could tell this was an apprehensive time. Accompanying lines show just that (word for word actually) The simile at the end of line two was powerful and a nice add on.
The writing style was excellent, the short spouts of info, paired with the powerful one liners provided an excellent punch. The cross from frightened fear to content appreciation was subtle, and I could feel the change in my own view along with the story.
I enjoyed this story very much. The line that stood out "This could be my grandfather, my grandmother, my uncle. An aunt. But it's not." this was the best part. It was simple and made me feel the same emotions the narrator was feeling.
The ending was nice because it was cheery, and had a stark contrast to the beginning. The ending as I said before was a bit more content, as if all the questions that student had about the ethics of this practice were answered by the realization that it was the man on the table's choice (or at least his families).
4What Happens NowYay, nice opening! I specifically like it because of the tone I felt in it, even at that point I could tell this was an apprehensive time. Accompanying lines show just that (word for word actually) The simile at the end of line two was powerful and a nice add on.
The writing style was excellent, the short spouts of info, paired with the powerful one liners provided an excellent punch. The cross from frightened fear to content appreciation was subtle, and I could feel the change in my own view along with the story.
I enjoyed this story very much. The line that stood out "This could be my grandfather, my grandmother, my uncle. An aunt. But it's not." this was the best part. It was simple and made me feel the same emotions the narrator was feeling.
The ending was nice because it was cheery, and had a stark contrast to the beginning. The ending as I said before was a bit more content, as if all the questions that student had about the ethics of this practice were answered by the realization that it was the man on the table's choice (or at least his families).
3/9/2011 c1 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
I love the way you handled this. With the subject, this has the potential to be a creepy piece, but you were able to really show the other side of it: the respect and care the student has for the cadaver and that person's sacrifice for others. It made me give a different look at the topic and that was cool to me. Writing-wise, I have no complaints. This was easy to read and the narration was fitting. It all worked for me!
Nice job and good luck in the WCC!
63RedactedNoLongerWritingI love the way you handled this. With the subject, this has the potential to be a creepy piece, but you were able to really show the other side of it: the respect and care the student has for the cadaver and that person's sacrifice for others. It made me give a different look at the topic and that was cool to me. Writing-wise, I have no complaints. This was easy to read and the narration was fitting. It all worked for me!
Nice job and good luck in the WCC!
3/6/2011 c1 1xenolith
This is very respectful and lovely. I like how it was caught up in one brief moment, but so much happened in it. There was a nice sense of voice, and I think it was good you re-iterated how young this person really was at the end. That innocence makes it all the more special.
Writing wise, I thought you did a good job. I especially liked the technical descriptions, and how you mixed them up in the prose. Sour formalin, velvet deer lungs and ripe tomato feel of a rabbits heart. Vibrant, vivid, and easy to relate to descriptions really puts the reader in the scene.
And yeah, nice ending. I like how it tied back around to the beginning and really strengthened the piece.
Great work, best of luck in the WCC :)
1xenolithThis is very respectful and lovely. I like how it was caught up in one brief moment, but so much happened in it. There was a nice sense of voice, and I think it was good you re-iterated how young this person really was at the end. That innocence makes it all the more special.
Writing wise, I thought you did a good job. I especially liked the technical descriptions, and how you mixed them up in the prose. Sour formalin, velvet deer lungs and ripe tomato feel of a rabbits heart. Vibrant, vivid, and easy to relate to descriptions really puts the reader in the scene.
And yeah, nice ending. I like how it tied back around to the beginning and really strengthened the piece.
Great work, best of luck in the WCC :)
3/5/2011 c1 70PoetryQueen
I really like the imagery in this. You can picture everything happening, and you really have an insight into your character's emotions.
I like your opening and ending. The repition really makes the story memorable.
The plot was different, I have never read a story quite like this one before. I really enjoyed it and I thought it flowed nicely.
The relationship between your protagionast and their collegue is nicely portrayed when the collegue makes the first incision. I shows the reader that the collegue is stronger, but your main character will get there too.
I have no suggestions to make for this, it was very well written! Good luck in the WCC!
70PoetryQueenI really like the imagery in this. You can picture everything happening, and you really have an insight into your character's emotions.
I like your opening and ending. The repition really makes the story memorable.
The plot was different, I have never read a story quite like this one before. I really enjoyed it and I thought it flowed nicely.
The relationship between your protagionast and their collegue is nicely portrayed when the collegue makes the first incision. I shows the reader that the collegue is stronger, but your main character will get there too.
I have no suggestions to make for this, it was very well written! Good luck in the WCC!
3/5/2011 c1 22RavenclawMoose
This was a truly lovely story. It sort of captured the beauty of human life and human experience, and I liked how reverent the narrator was towards the person they were dissecting. This was a very good piece.
Good luck in the WCC!
RM
22RavenclawMooseThis was a truly lovely story. It sort of captured the beauty of human life and human experience, and I liked how reverent the narrator was towards the person they were dissecting. This was a very good piece.
Good luck in the WCC!
RM
3/5/2011 c1 2Apoptosis
I really appreciate the feel of this piece. Very solemn, yet at the same time, I feel the anxiety of the student. It demands a certain appreciation for human life through exploration of death.
"Sure there's lab scans..."
Use "there are" for subject-verb agreement purposes. That's about it as far as errors go.
2ApoptosisI really appreciate the feel of this piece. Very solemn, yet at the same time, I feel the anxiety of the student. It demands a certain appreciation for human life through exploration of death.
"Sure there's lab scans..."
Use "there are" for subject-verb agreement purposes. That's about it as far as errors go.
3/5/2011 c1 this wild abyss
I liked this way the last and first lines connected, making this story feel almost like a cycle, or a brief interlude into this person's thoughts. It was like, yes, this person was thinking this, but these were just thoughts, nothing more. I can't really explain it, but I thought it was a wonderful effect overall.
Nicely done and best of luck in the WCC!
I liked this way the last and first lines connected, making this story feel almost like a cycle, or a brief interlude into this person's thoughts. It was like, yes, this person was thinking this, but these were just thoughts, nothing more. I can't really explain it, but I thought it was a wonderful effect overall.
Nicely done and best of luck in the WCC!