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for Devotion

7/1/2011 c1 Tricorvus
Very good story. Well written. I think the girl's spirit must smile upon you, for trying to tell her story. At first I thought it was Ancient Egypt, but as you most likely know, their civilization had much in common with the pyramid-builders among the South Americans. Bravo!
4/8/2011 c1 2Orange Muffins
I love the way you wrote the story. It was very interesting, especially the way you made the story in a slave's point of view. It reminded me of my history teacher's stories. Thank a lot for sharing your story. :)
3/18/2011 c1 12Annabel H. Wilde
I like the realistic detail taken to establish the setting of the story because it gives it a very realistic feel. This is helped by the narrator's voice, although the death of her mistress struck me as anti-climatic. On the whole, a well-written tale.
3/16/2011 c1 1xXxTake.Your.Last.EmbracexXx
This made shivers run down my spine! XD I love the setting and time period. Most stories I read are set in either the future or modern times, so it's nice to see someone finally go back a couple years (and the fact that a little over 50 is considered old is definitely a big clue). I also love the research you've put into this, because everything was described in such detail!

The ending made me shiver. Nice job mixing up a little fear with awe. =D It was sort of a bittersweet story, I could you could say. Well done! I also was just as confused as Nenetl when the "new" master declared his orders...

One little thing, though: I would imagine being buried would cause a bit more emotion. =) If she's mine with it, by all means put it in, but maybe a little more fear or such? =)

All in all, fantastic!
3/15/2011 c1 35singer22498
That was really cool Maddi! Haha I can't believe you wrote about what we are learning about in social studies (kinda). You should show this to Mrs.Morton lol
3/15/2011 c1 5Whirlymerle
I liked the Peruvian village setting of the story. It gives the story a unique tone and allows for such an interesting plot that you can’t get away with when writing about modern life. I thought the whole burying scenario was fascinating.

I didn’t like how you had one line about how the narrator felt when her Master told her she was to be buried. Even if it was custom, I’d think that more emotions would be coursing through her mind.

The ending was absolutely haunting, especially with the narrator’s rationale. Nice work there.

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