Just In
for Isabel's Heart

3/16/2011 c1 7SophieInPink
I loved it! Very intriguing and original. I've never read another story quite like it. Tom's character was sort of inscrutable and I'm still not sure if he married someone else or not. But I like how this story is about Isabel but Maleen is narrating.

Great work and I hope to read on!

soph xx
3/16/2011 c1 Anya

So, let me start by saying that i liked it. It not only held my interest, but actually intrigued me- and that's a great sign. I'm a difficult person to intrigue (especially if I'm not particularly in the mood to read). It's often easier for books or stories you actively seek out, because you have a summary and read that and then decide to read it. Already, you're interested.

But I had no idea what this was about... and by the end was left wanting more. Who is Tom? Is he married? What happened between him and Isabel? Isabel seems like a perfect crystal figuirine, but I'm sure there's much more going underneath that smooth exterior. And what about Maleen? I'm not entirely sure of her intentions- she loves her sister, yet she abstained from getting rid of Tom. While less beautiful, she seems sharp. Will a man come for her? It's like Pride and Prejudice or Little Women- she's like Jo or Lizzie and Isabel seems like Meg or Jane. I adore those books, so the comparison is meant to be a compliment!

There are a few little grammatical errors/spelling mistakes. We all make them, so they don't bother me at all. One thing I think you do (which may be influenced by reading my work... or you may just do it as well) is over-explain or over-describe things. It was more obvious in the first part of the story.

I can't really offer a solution though, seeing as I have the same problem myself. I think it's certainly allowable for the first part of a story as it's often the best place to set up the picture...

But that's the only little bit of advice I have for you. Maybe find a way to make the beginning less wordy? Just a thought. You could leave it as is and it'd still be great, though :)

I don't have a fictionpress account... so let me know when a new chapter's up?

x Anya
3/15/2011 c1 6Pixiebaby321
Alright, first comment dance! Okay, so I like this story; I think its going to go in a good direction so - update soon?

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