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for Broken Wing

4/8/2011 c2 4What Happens Now
I liked the scene where Kelsey begins to fly, you revealed some of Kelsey's features and at the same time gave an excellent description of the events that followed.

I was a little bit turned of by the way you described the in between. You used lots of physical terms, you called it nothing, just forever nothing. But I had wished you had given it more analogy. Saying something like 'It was like the space between my face and my hand expanded infinitely' keeps me more interested than simply nothing. I was hoping for more figurative and instead I got physical.
4/8/2011 c2 DJ Cobalt
Horray, you finally posted another chapter! It was great, I can't wait to read more! I can already tell this will be a great story!
4/8/2011 c2 35singer22498
I liked that Maddi, it was really good! I didn't see any mistakes and I liked that it was short and mysterious and stuff. Zena is really cool name for an angel!
4/4/2011 c1 singer22498
wow maddi. tht was rly good. I especially like this:

I was always mesmerized by the snow. It was paranormal, the way it seemed to glow and shimmer. And I love it more so than the rain and the falling leaves and the heat of any other season.

I really liked tht decription lol.

GREAT JOB!

We need to tlk about writing more at the lunch table or something cuz we should be writing buddies and share ideas cuz I keep getting stumped writing my stories lol. See ya tomorrow at you know where!

BYEE GREAT STORY!
3/20/2011 c1 DJ Cobalt
Nice. I can't wait for more. My only suggestion would be to look at some of the tenses you are using, the story seemed to jump around a little bit, at least from my perspective.

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