Just In
for Days Around The Crash

3/29/2011 c4 emlayne
You gotta add more i was on my heels the whole time i just have to read more!
3/24/2011 c1 119SomeRandomScribbles
Great intro! I love the way you start this piece straight to the point: Amber hates planes, and this is going to have a great bearing on the story. You introduce the characters really well - the relations between them and a bit about their personalities are clear, but you manage not to overload us with information at the same time.

Just a few points:

[So how do I end up on?] - should this be "on one"?

I think it would be better if, instead of using speech marks, you kept to just writing thoughts in italics - otherwise it can get confusing.

Careful with commas - there are a few times where one is missing - [Ladies and Gentlemen this is your captain] - or there's one where there needn't be one - [...my niece, in the back seat...].

The ending is a little confusing - a bit more explanation and proofreading would help it out a bit. However, you build up tension well, and overall I'd say it's a good opening! :)

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service