3/31/2011 c1 8Kobra Kid
Your first sentence hooked me in, so kudos for that! However, the rest of the chapter sort of was, dare I say, dull compared to it. I mean, you said his parents were going to get killed, but you end the chapter with Travis watching Vampire Knight (love that show, by the way!) Maybe, if you added in more thoughts about like, how he wished he did something over that day to prevent the death, or that he never saw it coming, it would suit the ending a lot better. On a more positive note, I really liked the writing. It was well-thought out, clear and precise.

My only suggestions are to un-capitalize 'trench coat' and write out seventeen instead of the number. Oh, also, more descriptions, definitely in-between the part where he ran home and when he got there. One second he was running, and the next his master was taking off his coat. It was just a big jump, that's all. A little paragraph of description would fix that right up! :D But, seriously, this is interesting.

I hope that this review didn't make you think twice about your first chapter. It was great! Just adding some more stuff in would just make it even better! Good work!

Kobra Kid, RH

P.S. Can you please payback via Rise From The Ashes? Thanks!

3/30/2011 c1 I-am-happy
Very good start. The little glimpse of his passed really was good for mood setting. I found it a little choppy in some parts to read, but everyone has those times. Can't wait to read more.

-Happy

Via Roadhouse

3/26/2011 c1 TheJesssk
Great story! I hope you keep writing :) I really like your descriptive language. The story line seems to be good too :)

BTW im having a comp with my friend to see who can get the most reviews in a month so if you wanna help me win:

/s/2902266/1/Why_Me

thanks ;)