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for Entropy

5/15/2011 c1 63RedactedNoLongerWriting
Much belated April WCC entry review. :)

I love the way ideas progress and build on each other here. At first I thought it was a little strange seeing stuff repeated and rephrased but then I saw what was happening and reread it. It makes for an interesting effect, making each statement more profound and also a bit more condescending. I really liked the voice you used here as well, particularly in the first half. It's quite proud, taunting, and creepily right. And then when it states all its views of the world, that was lovely. "I believe in tints, I believe in pastels, I believe in color." That was probably my favorite line, with the repetition and the relatability of that statement. It resonated.

Great job, sorry this review took so long, and good luck in the WCC! :)
5/7/2011 c1 13Sarah Isaacs
Thought provoking. I liked the bubble-gum and pink references and the inference. Mostly because I dislike pink ;)
4/9/2011 c1 21Sercus Kaynine
For some reason I liked the second half of this a lot more than the first. It's because the first half was a little straightforward, I think, while the second really let loose with the descriptions and imagery. Loved that poetic part. I also liked how you kept up the sarcastic tone in this and how you got the philosophical aspects at the end.

Good job and good luck in WCC!
4/7/2011 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
I love this. This was really good. My two favorite parts were the middle stanza and the last line. "And, I trust randomization. And, I have faith in chaos." Absolutely brilliant.

"Laughing because chaos is sublime." Oh, isn't it? Haha you had a great piece this month. The tone of this piece is just so biting, so sarcastic. I feel like smirking at the person to whom the speaker is talking.

My only complaint is that the connotations of your words don't always match the speaker's tone. It's like a man using the word "boobies" when describing his undying love for a woman. It just... doesn't work. The words from the science lexicon don't fit with images of temples and sublime chaos.

Great job, and best of luck in the WCC this month!


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