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for Ash

5/3/2012 c1 6Victoria Best
This was so sad! I just cannot believe that ending. I am still in shock. I refuse to believe the story actually ended like that! :'( It's so shocking, because I honestly thought they would be happily together forever (Yes, I am a hopeless romantic, as you can see) and up until that last part I had the biggest smile on my face. It was so cute and really made me laugh in places, especially their first conversation with each other, for example when he tells her his name is Ash, and her first response is "Like the kid in Pokemon?" :') It's unbelievable that it ended like that :'( To create such a fast, emotive change of tone and atmosphere like that shows you are a brilliant writer.

The characterisation in this was brilliant. Right from the beginning she came across as quite a damaged, broken individual, especially with the single sentence "She cried." You clearly showed her forced, unstable relationship with her parents, which almost borders neglect. I got the impression her father cares far more about his work than he does about her, and the part where she describes her usual conversations with her parents was touching. It's almost like she is simply trying to force herself to believe that she does not care about her parents, when in reality, she craves their attention and their neglect has brought about her closed off, distanced attitude to life. This was beautiful.

I especially loved the philosophical themes running through this, for example about how everything changes, and in the end, memories are all we are left with. The recurring theme of photographs was great. Everything linked back to them, even the name of the dog. I suppose, looking back over it, there was always this chilling undertone of the story, as though she herself knew it was too good to be true, and that in the end, just like always, she would only be left with memories. The recurring theme of change made the ending even stronger, when she reflects on how a single photograph is her only proof that Ash ever even existed, as though she is scared even her memories will be altered over time and she will forget him eventually. This was stunning.

I would say, if you are ever going to extend this, add more or improve, I think you should have a look at the paragraph summarising her summer with Ash. I thought it was a little... Lacking. Almost a little teasing. I wanted to know more! I would have liked to have seen at least another scene with them together to really give a sense of their developing relationship, and therefore allow me to understand their emotions and actions even more, and empathise with them. This would also help to make the ending even stronger, as we would feel even more for the characters and therefore empathise with Katherine even more.

Overall, I really like this! I am definitley adding this to my favourites. You're a brilliant writer, and I hope you write more stories soon. Keep writung and following your dreams! :D

-Vicky x
4/18/2012 c1 6deadkitty1
What a sad story! The beginning conversation they had kinda made me cringe but I think the awkwardness was needed. I kinda thought she'd reconcile her relationship with her parents too but I guess that'll come later? She's changed a lot after meeting Ash. I don't know if the change will take a turn for the worst after his death or not but I'm sure she'll cherish the memory of him.
4/3/2011 c1 5Cheshire.Stripes
Oh, this was so sad! I definitely didn't see the ending coming. Very well written, I loved it.


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