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for the city in august is no place for anybody

8/1/2011 c1 144chaos called creation
I love the way you developed this single image and made it so vivid. The ending is especially strong, very telling.

Keep writing!
4/3/2011 c1 cab fed hig
"and they sit- squat round universes" - love this interpretation of oranges.

i actually love all of your melancholy meanings:

"all the hours of steel forecast above the melting cement as august drowns"

"the oranges wait on the scarred table" - (every object you mention seems so delicate to raise questions about the fragility of human spirit and emotion. and it is with a solemn and masterful presence that you orchestrate your heavy story)

"we have the whole of nature now imported from a troubled myth"

"rind trapped beneath fingernails and when" - (all the negative verbs feeding into the sad energy of the piece.)

the ending was my favorite. i might have sighed out loud with the desperation i feel pulsing outward after reading this. i find a blinding radiation of dark philosophy in the last 4 lines:

"i pull my hands down your bare back, sweating against

the small ripple of air trawled lazy by the half-broken fan,

you wince; the citric sting against broken skin, the sudden

overwhelming taste of bitter fruit."

^ 'pull' and 'bare' and 'against' and 'trawled' and 'lazy' and 'half-broken' and 'wince' and 'sting' and 'broken' and 'sudden' and 'overwhelming' and 'bitter' just bring everything to a deafening climax of inevitable tragedy.

honestly, this is most beautiful thing i've read in weeks.
4/3/2011 c1 1k+Faithless Juliet
I really liked the claustrophobic vibe of this one. The intimacy here was very strong as well. It made me think of this young mother in the house with the husband/lover with the children downstairs but not really apart of the scenes of the house, rather just transfixed with the strange foreign fruit on the counter.

Also liked the moment between the lovers at the end and how the fruit played a further mysterious part in that as well.


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