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9/29/2012 c1 1I caught myself
I think this is good. I stumbled a few times while reading certain sentences, so maybe watching your grammar could help improve your writing. However, that's just my opinion. I liked reading this and will begin the next chapter now. Well Done.
6/4/2011 c7 LilMaria
hey hey! ok this was really sweet! one thing that i would like to suggest would be for you to add more detail. Conciseness is always good but detail is good also. you do have some detail but to paint the picture more, you have to make sure you try and tell us what the mood is, what the emotions are and also touch the appearances and settings.

other then that, great job! cant wait for more! :)

Peace and Love


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