11/20/2011 c1 Only an old bard
Deep, deep, deep. Anyone who knows anything knows that immortality is not a blessing, but a curse. Very interesting way of presenting this idea. There are some slight grammar issues with commas, but these could be typos and such. Overall, very well done.

4/21/2011 c1 3K. T. Scelor
I really loved the whole idea of the story. I thought it was pretty cool, and, let me say, the first part delivered with a "coolness" factor. The second and third parts were very urgent and almost nightmarish. However, I think the second and third sections should be the next chapter so that they don't compete with the feeling of the first section.

I thought the fourth section didn't fit in with the story. Honestly, I don't like when P.O.V. changes within a whole story, let alone a chapter. I think I understand that this fourth part is Michael's new "life." However, I think there can be a better transition into this new perspective, such as reflecting on Michael's past.

For spelling, please don't add extra letters. It does seem professional. Instead, use italics (i.e."darknes" becomes darkness. I also noticed quite a few issues with commas and semicolons (i.e "Night you idiot" becomes Night, you idiot). You also have a lot of run-on sentences that need to be corrected (ex:"He stumbled away, Michael already forgotten" should be: "He stumbled away." Grammar seemed to be the only issue.

I really enjoyed your writing style. I thought the amount of description was just enough, which is the amount of description I love. I easily understood what was occurring, and I thought that you conveyed the feeling of each section very well. I enjoyed this a lot.