for Twenty first century love catalogue4/27/2011 c1 
105qubed
Ingenious.
My favorite line is: "breaking my bones until/I fit into your disk drive."
105qubedIngenious.
My favorite line is: "breaking my bones until/I fit into your disk drive."
4/26/2011 c1 30october lies
psh, ignore the review before mine. simplicity is not always considered the best, only when the meaning of a poem is lost due to over-indulgence. what you've got right here is great - both the imagery and flow. sad poem to see, though.
30october liespsh, ignore the review before mine. simplicity is not always considered the best, only when the meaning of a poem is lost due to over-indulgence. what you've got right here is great - both the imagery and flow. sad poem to see, though.
4/26/2011 c1 7poetintraining576
Great poem! I especially love the image of the person (I'm guessing a girl) becoming a 'disk drive.'
Some suggestions to improve your poem:
Cut out useless words and simplify, so maybe it goes:
"this culture grows,
reaching the ceiling
suffocating me
until my bones break
now I fit into your disk drive
I close my eyes,
send you an email
maybe look you up on facebook
that's how I say, 'I love you.'"
Just a suggestion, of course it's your poem and you're free to change it however you want; I like the comment on our society's obsession with technology, and I really like the brevity of the poem. Nice job. :)
7poetintraining576Great poem! I especially love the image of the person (I'm guessing a girl) becoming a 'disk drive.'
Some suggestions to improve your poem:
Cut out useless words and simplify, so maybe it goes:
"this culture grows,
reaching the ceiling
suffocating me
until my bones break
now I fit into your disk drive
I close my eyes,
send you an email
maybe look you up on facebook
that's how I say, 'I love you.'"
Just a suggestion, of course it's your poem and you're free to change it however you want; I like the comment on our society's obsession with technology, and I really like the brevity of the poem. Nice job. :)