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for Twenty first century love catalogue

4/27/2011 c1 105qubed

My favorite line is: "breaking my bones until/I fit into your disk drive."
4/26/2011 c1 30october lies
psh, ignore the review before mine. simplicity is not always considered the best, only when the meaning of a poem is lost due to over-indulgence. what you've got right here is great - both the imagery and flow. sad poem to see, though.
4/26/2011 c1 7poetintraining576
Great poem! I especially love the image of the person (I'm guessing a girl) becoming a 'disk drive.'

Some suggestions to improve your poem:

Cut out useless words and simplify, so maybe it goes:

"this culture grows,

reaching the ceiling

suffocating me

until my bones break

now I fit into your disk drive

I close my eyes,

send you an email

maybe look you up on facebook

that's how I say, 'I love you.'"

Just a suggestion, of course it's your poem and you're free to change it however you want; I like the comment on our society's obsession with technology, and I really like the brevity of the poem. Nice job. :)

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