Just In
for Just Hanging

5/5/2011 c3 airsickness
Hey! Welcome back!

I really liked this poem. I enjoyed how you tweaked your main verse with a different ending to give it a different meaning. There's a lot of power in your words as well, and the imagery is pretty well portrayed too.

Keep it up.
5/4/2011 c4 2063M2R
is this meant to be a song? because if it isn't, the last line of the sixth stanza is way to long. it feels out of place.

anger. despair. fear. pain. sorrow. hate.

all in one poem.

I don't dare to speak more of what i think because i think what you've went through is beyond my comprehension... beyond my experience... beyond what my callow mind can conceive.

'self destruction for five more minutes' i love this line. gd thing it was repeated so many times.

this time i feel the bracket wasn't quite well-done. as sa poem, it felt odd, and as a song, it seems awkward. the words in brackets for songs tend to have equal number of syllables to that of the word before... and usually a repetition. idk, but i just didn't find it helpful to the read, in the rhythm, flow or meaning. i guess it would be a nicer read without it. although i do get why you want to put it there, but just... don't think it's quite well portrayed.

'i always bounce back' reminds me of a bright yellow ball being thrown onto the floor and then i bounces into the sky, higher than whom had threw it. nice imagery.

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