for Son of the East Wind1/25/2004 c20 
16Germaine Amundsen
Wow! This is an amazing story! Who'da thunk... all that... wow. Please update this soon, as surely I shall not see the suns of a fortnight without it!
Hehehe... I like fancy-talk.
16Germaine AmundsenWow! This is an amazing story! Who'da thunk... all that... wow. Please update this soon, as surely I shall not see the suns of a fortnight without it!
Hehehe... I like fancy-talk.
1/4/2004 c20 34Forest Passant
this is awesome; from someone that doesn't usually read fp fantasy that's lavish praise...
...finish it.
34Forest Passantthis is awesome; from someone that doesn't usually read fp fantasy that's lavish praise...
...finish it.
12/15/2003 c20 1Bakadesu
I pretty much battled my way through this story, and this is what I've got to say.
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You have excellent ideas. Your plot is firm, deep, and very creative. I honestly think that you could get very far with this if you payed a little more attention to your grammar and spelling.
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However, you seem to confuse "your" and "you're," "its" and "it's," apostrophes in general, and other basic grammatical rules and nuances. I think you also need to watch your use of gerunds.
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The formatting wasn't bad, and this is just my personal opinion, so don't sue:
The formatting of the thoughts bugged me. I think you should try italicizing your characters' thoughts or putting parentheses around them, and please, please, please still capitalize them. At first, I couldn't figure out what they were doing and thought that you didn't really feel like capitalizing.
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Also, _please_ don't use the word "yaoi" to mean "gay." They aren't synonymous.
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Overall, though, the majority of your story is there. Excellent character development and good plot ideas. All you need to do is polish it a little, and your story will improve a great deal.
1BakadesuI pretty much battled my way through this story, and this is what I've got to say.
-
You have excellent ideas. Your plot is firm, deep, and very creative. I honestly think that you could get very far with this if you payed a little more attention to your grammar and spelling.
-
However, you seem to confuse "your" and "you're," "its" and "it's," apostrophes in general, and other basic grammatical rules and nuances. I think you also need to watch your use of gerunds.
-
The formatting wasn't bad, and this is just my personal opinion, so don't sue:
The formatting of the thoughts bugged me. I think you should try italicizing your characters' thoughts or putting parentheses around them, and please, please, please still capitalize them. At first, I couldn't figure out what they were doing and thought that you didn't really feel like capitalizing.
-
Also, _please_ don't use the word "yaoi" to mean "gay." They aren't synonymous.
-
Overall, though, the majority of your story is there. Excellent character development and good plot ideas. All you need to do is polish it a little, and your story will improve a great deal.
11/30/2003 c20 xXTorturedButterflyXx
E.. I love this! Geh, three more chapters, you say? Well, I suppose it's worth the wait x.x; It's good. I was reading another story, and it didn't update anytime soon.. so when it did.. I didn't wanna read it. =\ Hope that doesn't happen here.. perhaps if it does I'll just have to reread it. Hmm? Anyway.. great job. ^.^!
E.. I love this! Geh, three more chapters, you say? Well, I suppose it's worth the wait x.x; It's good. I was reading another story, and it didn't update anytime soon.. so when it did.. I didn't wanna read it. =\ Hope that doesn't happen here.. perhaps if it does I'll just have to reread it. Hmm? Anyway.. great job. ^.^!
11/29/2003 c9 7Bloaty Kitsu
"the ladies room"
*snickers*
Great story, really! You know, maybe you should even publish this as a book, because it'd make a really awesome science fiction! ^-^ I love Michael and Zoe! Cute couple! Hope you get them together soon!
7Bloaty Kitsu"the ladies room"
*snickers*
Great story, really! You know, maybe you should even publish this as a book, because it'd make a really awesome science fiction! ^-^ I love Michael and Zoe! Cute couple! Hope you get them together soon!
11/14/2003 c20 Elite Fiction Award
Greetings! I am Amethyst from the Elite Fiction Award Comm. I am pleased to say that your story is a really good one and thus we are presenting you with the Elite Fiction Award, and your story will be placed under our Favourite Stories to allow visitors to the site to see the good stories easily. Once again, I congratulate you.
Greetings! I am Amethyst from the Elite Fiction Award Comm. I am pleased to say that your story is a really good one and thus we are presenting you with the Elite Fiction Award, and your story will be placed under our Favourite Stories to allow visitors to the site to see the good stories easily. Once again, I congratulate you.
11/3/2003 c20 dark-corner-in-a-crowded-room
O... update soon... Micheal and Zoe need to get on with the bumpty bump =D
O... update soon... Micheal and Zoe need to get on with the bumpty bump =D
10/12/2003 c20 31Quip Clip
Just so you know, this chapter was mostly deleted...I don't know what happened but there's about two paragraph in what seems to be the middle...and that's all there is on this page.
Can't wait until you fix it! ^_^
~*Gretchen*~
31Quip ClipJust so you know, this chapter was mostly deleted...I don't know what happened but there's about two paragraph in what seems to be the middle...and that's all there is on this page.
Can't wait until you fix it! ^_^
~*Gretchen*~
10/10/2003 c20 karinms
Am I the only one who thinks this chapter didn't upload OK? The AN is cut short and the story only shows the last 2 paragraphs. If it IS me then I'll just have to try Refresh a few more times. If it ISN'T me... please fix it as soon as possible. I really like this story.
Am I the only one who thinks this chapter didn't upload OK? The AN is cut short and the story only shows the last 2 paragraphs. If it IS me then I'll just have to try Refresh a few more times. If it ISN'T me... please fix it as soon as possible. I really like this story.
10/8/2003 c20 8AikoShrek
Woo hoo! He's dead! ::laughs:: that was wonderful and now in the next chapter Micheal and Zoe can be together! ::giggles madly:: Update soon, please!
8AikoShrekWoo hoo! He's dead! ::laughs:: that was wonderful and now in the next chapter Micheal and Zoe can be together! ::giggles madly:: Update soon, please!
10/6/2003 c19 Am
This was one of the first stories I ever read of fanfic.net, and I figured witht he long delay in update that it would never be finished. But lo and behold I get back from a long vacation and what do I find? Many updates! You better keep it up lol. I love this story. But I have to admit I like Patrik more than Michael, so please don't let him die. And when this story is finished (fingers crossed=) I hope you keep on with another! Good work!
This was one of the first stories I ever read of fanfic.net, and I figured witht he long delay in update that it would never be finished. But lo and behold I get back from a long vacation and what do I find? Many updates! You better keep it up lol. I love this story. But I have to admit I like Patrik more than Michael, so please don't let him die. And when this story is finished (fingers crossed=) I hope you keep on with another! Good work!
10/5/2003 c19 AikoShrek
Oh man, why did his brother have to die? well, i mean, i understand why... but its his BROTHER. ::sigh:: I'm so sad
I love that you explained that little part about dying being better than his slave near the beginning...
Cant wait to see another update. I'll be checking in!
Oh man, why did his brother have to die? well, i mean, i understand why... but its his BROTHER. ::sigh:: I'm so sad
I love that you explained that little part about dying being better than his slave near the beginning...
Cant wait to see another update. I'll be checking in!
10/4/2003 c18 Pera
AI! Does Miyu live or what? ;_; this is so bad. I don't know how Micheal or Zoe will come out of this. Patrick dies, doesn't he? T_T
AI! Does Miyu live or what? ;_; this is so bad. I don't know how Micheal or Zoe will come out of this. Patrick dies, doesn't he? T_T
10/3/2003 c18 ForeordainedDestiny
Things just keep on getting more and more interesting by the chapter! I'm beginning to like Eden, even though we've only seen him a few times. But Zoe will always be my favorite! Oh man, you have NO idea how anxious I am for the next chapter!
But technical-wise, I only saw about one typo and as usual, your writing is VERY enjoyable to read! I have fun reading this story... It needs to be a book so I can buy it and read it over and over again!
Things just keep on getting more and more interesting by the chapter! I'm beginning to like Eden, even though we've only seen him a few times. But Zoe will always be my favorite! Oh man, you have NO idea how anxious I am for the next chapter!
But technical-wise, I only saw about one typo and as usual, your writing is VERY enjoyable to read! I have fun reading this story... It needs to be a book so I can buy it and read it over and over again!
10/3/2003 c18 Ahborson
OMG
more!
must have more!
Zoi this is absolutly amazing!
mmoree!
OMG
more!
must have more!
Zoi this is absolutly amazing!
mmoree!