for The Storm11/30/2011 c1 
28frugale
Congratulations for winning the WCC! You wrote a wonderful piece. Here's your reward!
IMAGERY
I love how you superimpose nature and emotion. The combination of inorganic elements (the weather) and organic ones (humanity) is very powerful.
RHYMING
The partial rhyming scheme is brilliant. Having every line rhyme in some way would have felt too heavy, and while no rhyming at all could've worked, I think the slightly disorganized pattern you chose works best here.
WORD CHOICE
The use of pronouns here is excellent and well balanced. It makes the piece universal, allows each of us to relate at least to parts of the piece, and speaks for humankind as a whole at the same time. There isn't too much repetition. The word 'abuse' strikes me as a bit obvious, though.
LENGTH
I think the length is very good here, it's not too long and not too short. Actually, I think if you had to go one way or another, it would be the 'shorter' route. More words would hamper the rhythm and weaken the message. I think the length of each individual line is just prefect, too. not so short that it's minimalistic, but short enough to have a strong impact.
Overall, a great piece. Bravo!
28frugaleCongratulations for winning the WCC! You wrote a wonderful piece. Here's your reward!
IMAGERY
I love how you superimpose nature and emotion. The combination of inorganic elements (the weather) and organic ones (humanity) is very powerful.
RHYMING
The partial rhyming scheme is brilliant. Having every line rhyme in some way would have felt too heavy, and while no rhyming at all could've worked, I think the slightly disorganized pattern you chose works best here.
WORD CHOICE
The use of pronouns here is excellent and well balanced. It makes the piece universal, allows each of us to relate at least to parts of the piece, and speaks for humankind as a whole at the same time. There isn't too much repetition. The word 'abuse' strikes me as a bit obvious, though.
LENGTH
I think the length is very good here, it's not too long and not too short. Actually, I think if you had to go one way or another, it would be the 'shorter' route. More words would hamper the rhythm and weaken the message. I think the length of each individual line is just prefect, too. not so short that it's minimalistic, but short enough to have a strong impact.
Overall, a great piece. Bravo!
11/20/2011 c1 60AppleCrumble
I love the personification of the storm especially the line 'deafening slap in the dead summer air.' really good piece, brilliant! :-D
60AppleCrumbleI love the personification of the storm especially the line 'deafening slap in the dead summer air.' really good piece, brilliant! :-D
10/15/2011 c1 Eden Green
I like this. I could visualize a much older couple as I read along. The set up was interesting, well done!
I like this. I could visualize a much older couple as I read along. The set up was interesting, well done!
8/26/2011 c1 1A. Gray
Very powerful piece here. I could clearly see this with the imagery you use. I could see the bruise on her, and his anger and relief. This made me sad enough to want to cry, but angry enough to kick that dudes butt. With how short it is it's wonderful that you inspired such strong emotional reactions.
Very well done!
1A. GrayVery powerful piece here. I could clearly see this with the imagery you use. I could see the bruise on her, and his anger and relief. This made me sad enough to want to cry, but angry enough to kick that dudes butt. With how short it is it's wonderful that you inspired such strong emotional reactions.
Very well done!