for Ask Alice11/17/2013 c30 Quasicrystal
I loved this story, but is it publish-worthy? I'd definitely say, yes. I've read published works that were a lot worse than this. Your characters are solid and your world is beautiful. I have no experience with divorcing parents, but it all felt very realistic.
However, there are some plot holes, most notably that the beginning and the ending don't match. I also felt that Alex was too naive concerning Julia. If it were my sister, I would have suspected something, if even because of the change in her physical appearance. Then when she finally does find out, she forgets about it for a couple of weeks. This goes completely against her character. As her caring sister, wouldn't she worry more about this? Perhaps she would rush to her sister's room to tell her it was alright, only to stop in front of her door and think about how awkward this would be? Speaking of, why didn't Julia get angry when she found out her sister was Alice? I would have felt betrayed and ashamed if I were her and since Alex was the cause of these emotions, I'd get angry at her. Took her long enough to approach her, too. Maybe Alex should ask herself how much she really cares for her sister. And how did she guess so quickly that Alex was Alice? Maybe it was but a friend of hers. The pinky promise felt rushed, like you wanted to get it out of the way to finish the story. My advice for editing would be to take a good, deep look at Julia. I believe she and her relationship with Alex could shine a lot more.
On a more minor note, I thought Jace was a little too fluffy-wuffy and sugary sweet in the first chapters, but I loved him by the end.
Anyway, give it a go! I've never published anything, so I don't know how much of a hassle it will be, but your story stands. I don't think anyone would feel cheated if they paid money for it.
I loved this story, but is it publish-worthy? I'd definitely say, yes. I've read published works that were a lot worse than this. Your characters are solid and your world is beautiful. I have no experience with divorcing parents, but it all felt very realistic.
However, there are some plot holes, most notably that the beginning and the ending don't match. I also felt that Alex was too naive concerning Julia. If it were my sister, I would have suspected something, if even because of the change in her physical appearance. Then when she finally does find out, she forgets about it for a couple of weeks. This goes completely against her character. As her caring sister, wouldn't she worry more about this? Perhaps she would rush to her sister's room to tell her it was alright, only to stop in front of her door and think about how awkward this would be? Speaking of, why didn't Julia get angry when she found out her sister was Alice? I would have felt betrayed and ashamed if I were her and since Alex was the cause of these emotions, I'd get angry at her. Took her long enough to approach her, too. Maybe Alex should ask herself how much she really cares for her sister. And how did she guess so quickly that Alex was Alice? Maybe it was but a friend of hers. The pinky promise felt rushed, like you wanted to get it out of the way to finish the story. My advice for editing would be to take a good, deep look at Julia. I believe she and her relationship with Alex could shine a lot more.
On a more minor note, I thought Jace was a little too fluffy-wuffy and sugary sweet in the first chapters, but I loved him by the end.
Anyway, give it a go! I've never published anything, so I don't know how much of a hassle it will be, but your story stands. I don't think anyone would feel cheated if they paid money for it.
11/5/2013 c30 
51Luna's Child
I think you should definitely publish "Ask Alice". You worked really hard on it and obviously you're proud with the end results, so go for it girl. I'd buy it in paperback. :P
51Luna's ChildI think you should definitely publish "Ask Alice". You worked really hard on it and obviously you're proud with the end results, so go for it girl. I'd buy it in paperback. :P
11/5/2013 c29 Luna's Child
I'm glad to see that you updated your story. :D
I'm so glad that Jace and Alex recovered from the accident; would have been really devastating if they didn't. Thanks for bringing this story to my attention. It was a great read and I hope that you enjoy the rest of my story.
Toodles.
I'm glad to see that you updated your story. :D
I'm so glad that Jace and Alex recovered from the accident; would have been really devastating if they didn't. Thanks for bringing this story to my attention. It was a great read and I hope that you enjoy the rest of my story.
Toodles.
10/13/2013 c28 Luna's Child
Wow, that was such a sweet moment. Please update your story; I really love it and I want to read the whole thing.
Wow, that was such a sweet moment. Please update your story; I really love it and I want to read the whole thing.
10/13/2013 c26 Luna's Child
I bet that anonymous letter is from Julia. If so, then that's terrible that her boyfriend died of cancer.
I bet that anonymous letter is from Julia. If so, then that's terrible that her boyfriend died of cancer.
10/13/2013 c25 Luna's Child
Wow, that's quite the party. On my 18th birthday, I just had one friend over. XD It was my best friend though, so I enjoyed her company :)
A nice chapter RunningwithShadows, hopefully this story has a happy ending.
Wow, that's quite the party. On my 18th birthday, I just had one friend over. XD It was my best friend though, so I enjoyed her company :)
A nice chapter RunningwithShadows, hopefully this story has a happy ending.
10/13/2013 c24 Luna's Child
And that is why I don't go to those types of parties. Too much drama and drinking and fighting, (among other things).
And that is why I don't go to those types of parties. Too much drama and drinking and fighting, (among other things).
10/13/2013 c22 Luna's Child
Well, when one hits rock bottom, the only way to go is up. Hopefully, Alex's problems (at least some of them) get resolved.
Well, when one hits rock bottom, the only way to go is up. Hopefully, Alex's problems (at least some of them) get resolved.
10/13/2013 c21 Luna's Child
Well, talk about drama. xD
I wonder if things will turn out right between them. And I was right! XDXDXD
Well, talk about drama. xD
I wonder if things will turn out right between them. And I was right! XDXDXD
10/13/2013 c19 Luna's Child
Uh oh... What is going on between Jace and Carly? You're making it seem like they're having an affair, but for all I know, they could just be planning a surprise party for Alex's big 18. I hope it's the latter or anything not bad. :s
Uh oh... What is going on between Jace and Carly? You're making it seem like they're having an affair, but for all I know, they could just be planning a surprise party for Alex's big 18. I hope it's the latter or anything not bad. :s