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for Just A Face

1/25/2012 c1 2hvit
After loss, there is still hope. And this story was brilliant.
1/20/2012 c1 12LivieRose
Each and every time I read one of your stories, I feel every bit of emotion. I'm unbelievably envious of the way you use the emotion in your writing, and they way your flow is. This is truely remarkable, and it's definetly something I myself struggle with.

Please, please, please keep writing! Someone with your talent deserves to get published, if that is what you want. It's certianly something you are capable of achieveing.

Marvolous work! I didn't see any errors at all, any you might find would be personal. The flow is truely beautiful, and the emotions capture the heart of the reader.

Don't you dare stop writing! You have unbelievably extraordinary talent.

11/2/2011 c1 1Deaths-Weeping-Angel
Love it. Um actully this is the first fiction story ive read. Awesome.
7/28/2011 c1 15disrhythmic
This was beautiful. I love the sentiment and the description (the sounds especially). The repetition was a nice touch - gives it a rhythm and emphasizes that the hunger and the suffering just goes on and on... I really enjoyed this. It made me think. :)
6/2/2011 c1 35Emilia M
No! That is my answer to that ending sentence.
6/1/2011 c1 Superslow Jellyfish
Your writing is intriguing and pretty much awesome. I'm still thinking about Katie and Ryder and the suckage of how things turned out in the real world and all that.

So I'm up for another go, since you gave me epic reviews on my stories and yeah. I'm compelled to return.

I'm a huge history geek and this was an interesting, yet poignant perspective on the Great Depression, which in my opinion, is one of the things I fear most for us at the moment.

I thought the repetition was a nice touch to the story and we all saw the theme conveyed here as well. The woman here is as plain, ordinary as it gets and she's beat down by something awful called life, because let's face it, life isn't always fair and it sucks sometimes.

You associate a color with her, gray, which reminds me of overall, very depressing things, like the gray skies and clouds as a motif associated with her. I can just imagine this taking place in a monochrome world, mostly with that color intact. Even though this lacks words, you paint a clear picture here.

*peasant is spelled wrong, btw...

Anyways, she's pretty much ignored from everyone, from the wealthy, to the bank...just everyone. And she's illiterate, that sucks too, and I gather this does little to help.

I hate those pawn shop sequences, since I come from one of those proud kind of families. If my descendants were to sell off my gems, I will haunt them, but nonetheless her son was sick and dying, so it's justified.

What made me feel the most kind of remorse for her was of course, at the very end, where she helped that little girl out, either seeing Timothy (reminds me of Dickens, btw) in her or because she's just that good of a person.

Even though she's just a face, she's probably going to be remembered by that little girl, and despite all of the badness that goes on, good can still triumph.

6/1/2011 c1 16Serendipitist Swan
"She's just a face that stands in the street where the light hits her face"

-the repetition of the word face here sounds a little awkward, definitely not as natural as the repetition of the word pale after the comma

"'worthless peasent.'"

-peasent should be spelled peasant, and it seems a little out of place if the time period is the Great Depression

"the fine ladies of the town prance around in all their finery"

-I'm torn between whether this sounds good or awkward. I think the best thing to do would be to not repeat the word fine in finery

I still really loved this story. Ignoring the three little comments up top, the repetition is really good and works completely with the mood being conveyed. Also props for the title that, despite being used often in the story, doesn't look bad at all.

I really like the mood conveyed and how it lightens, just a little, at the end.

-Swan, from the Roadhouse
5/27/2011 c1 5Whirlymerle
Hi there!

Loved this! The repetition of “Just a face” at the beginning of each sentence made the piece sound lyrical.

This is so terribly tragic. I think you bring to life what is normally told only in facts and figures. I feel like everything in this piece is shown through vivid imagery so that readers FEEL instead of learn of the characters suffering. I especially like how in the beginning, you describe the woman’s pale features, lips, gray veil, etc since it really added a somber, lifeless tone to the writing.

It’s nice to see that the woman is able to be generous in the end, even if it was her last dollar she was giving out. The compassion piece reminded me of The Grapes of Wrath. Your protagonist is able to show human dignity even after being deprived nearly all the necessary living assets, and that, I think, is a true triumph.

Excellent piece!

5/27/2011 c1 14Thoughtful Silence
I really liked this as well. As with the other piece I reviewed, the repetition is well used. Not many people would follow through with such an extent of repetition as you have here, but I think it makes this piece strong. There’s a nice message integrated too; the parallels with how the ‘face’ could have done with that dollar when her son was dying and how maybe this one act of kindness could save someone’s life.

In some ways, this piece reminds me of an essay I read by Ken Kushner who criticised the film Schindler’s List for focussing the reality of a tragedy onto one little girl in a red coat. In essence, he said the film deprived the true extent of the horrors of the Holocaust and made it about one poor girl, if that makes sense. Anyway, this piece feels the opposite of that, in a way. I read this girl not as a solo sympathetic figure so much as a faceless (ironic, huh) representative figure for all the people of the time period; well, for the poor ones anyway. Suffice to say, I found this pretty bloody interesting, hence the nonsense. :]

Little niggles which I picked up on:

‘She's just a face that stands in the street where the light hits her face’ – Wasn’t too keen on having ‘face’ twice here.

“the hears” – ‘that hears’.

“a little to taut” – ‘a little too taut’.

Sorry about the rambling review. If it’s any consolation, I only talk bs when I really liked something :]
5/26/2011 c1 3Silent Winter
At first, I had no idea what was going on, lol. Not really a bad thing, because this story, just like your other one, has a very artistic flare to it. The very formation of the story is unique, such as with the repetition of "just a face."

The ultimate message of this story is sweet. I really like how close the snobby girls were to the mother who was willing to give money to another starving family out of pure compassion, even though it is blatantly obvious her family needs it. I also find it interesting that this is in the time of the Great Depression. The way you subtly slipped that into the story was great and it shifted very smoothly :) So nice work on that!

I feel sorry for this woman because even though her husband is being a man and working, she seems very lonely. Understandable, considering her kid is dying. D: SADNESS! Both of your stories have brought me close to tears. lol. You are great at writing drama.

Anyway, this was another very moving story. I think it really speaks to those, like the snobby girls, who would rather pretend they don't see imperfection in our society. There are still people who go to bed hungry every night and so many would rather look away and deny the ugly existence of thins like poverty.

I really seems to me that people who have nothing are the ones who give the most

A very beautiful and touching story. Keep up the great writing!
5/25/2011 c1 20Hokuto Uchiha
I thought this was really well-written. I like how you set this in the middle of the Great Depression, and I felt so bad for the main character: no food, then losing her son, and on top of that, her husband's off trying to make money to feed them T_T

Like I said, great story.
5/25/2011 c1 15fivelfleurhavens
Okay, I adore this piece. :) I love how you set this poor woman in the middle of the Great Depression. You're writing...my God, it made me feel so sad for the woman. Having a husband who's too busy making money, a son who died and just heartbraking.

I admire your writing. It has an angst feel to it and it's truly eye opening and it makes the reader feel sorry for anyone who went through the Great Depression. Good job and I hope you continue writing. :)
5/25/2011 c1 3Rosemarysgraden001
Ok that was really depressing, but if u were going for that. It was much easier to understand than your first story. I thought it was heart felt and sad.


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