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for Genedrone

6/7/2011 c11 2Rambo'neil
Alright, so I read the entire thing and I must say that this story is very good. From what I can tell, the grammar and spelling are good but thats what I suck at grammar and spelling. I personally find that the pacing was a bit fast but it was consistent and that is what really matters. Could have had a bit more attention to detail but it was enough that I actually knew what was going on, you managed to fit enough detail in there without backing yourself into a corner and for that I congratulate you.

Plot twists galore, a rouge unstoppable bio-machine that turns out to be the good guy. The plot line is original and I am fervently hoping for a second installment. It would be interesting what happens to the relationship between the colonel and the doctor. You really set up a whole universe for yourself, my advice is that you don't waste it.
5/29/2011 c1 S. Alvette
A quick warning: the following might seem a bit harsh. If it is, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to be constructive.

You don't need a dialog tag (i.e. Gabriel said) after every spoken sentence. It's only needed for a change in emotion or characters. The plot is quite good, I'm interested to see what happens next, however the characters need a bit more emotion. I understand that they were seeing the President and large outbursts of emotion aren't warranted there, but I'm hoping that after some time the characters true colors will show through.

I did like it, though, and I'll be watching for an update.

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