for Pictures of You7/25/2022 c1 knockmeoffmyfeet
Hi.. I'm from a fast-growing online reading platform. Currently, we are looking for new authors to join us. Send me a message if this offer piqued your interest!
Hi.. I'm from a fast-growing online reading platform. Currently, we are looking for new authors to join us. Send me a message if this offer piqued your interest!
9/11/2016 c3 Collins-A
"He curses me and strides through the water, very nearly making it out. I start laughing. I can't help it, this is ridiculous. Tav swivels round to yell at me but instead slips and falls backwards."
As the author, you obviously know what's going to happen, but the reader doesn't. The timeline goes back and forth for the reader just by using "and very nearly making it out." Because you imply something has happened that hasn't happened until "but instead slips and falls backwards." This could have been avoided like this:
"He curses me and strides through the water, intent on getting out. I start laughing. I can't help it, this is ridiculous. Tav swivels round to yell at me but instead slips and falls backwards."
Perhaps you should get a beta.
"He curses me and strides through the water, very nearly making it out. I start laughing. I can't help it, this is ridiculous. Tav swivels round to yell at me but instead slips and falls backwards."
As the author, you obviously know what's going to happen, but the reader doesn't. The timeline goes back and forth for the reader just by using "and very nearly making it out." Because you imply something has happened that hasn't happened until "but instead slips and falls backwards." This could have been avoided like this:
"He curses me and strides through the water, intent on getting out. I start laughing. I can't help it, this is ridiculous. Tav swivels round to yell at me but instead slips and falls backwards."
Perhaps you should get a beta.
9/11/2016 c1 Collins-A
A sentence was repeated twice, and you used spelled "definitely" as "defiantly". That's only what I accidentally noticed since I don't usually make it a point to actively look for errors. Anyways, I like this so far!
A sentence was repeated twice, and you used spelled "definitely" as "defiantly". That's only what I accidentally noticed since I don't usually make it a point to actively look for errors. Anyways, I like this so far!
9/13/2012 c3 TM
I googled my name and this came up...I'd love to read more )
I googled my name and this came up...I'd love to read more )
9/24/2011 c3 
3Enchantedflame
I give them like 2 days..3 days max haha. I do rather enjoy them together though
3EnchantedflameI give them like 2 days..3 days max haha. I do rather enjoy them together though
6/2/2011 c1 PJ Draft
Wow, only the first chapter and I'm already hooked. A bit different from what I was expecting from the summary, but I still love it nonetheless. I wonder what happens next,so update soon please. :)
Wow, only the first chapter and I'm already hooked. A bit different from what I was expecting from the summary, but I still love it nonetheless. I wonder what happens next,so update soon please. :)
5/30/2011 c1 Zeekyboogydoog
I'm really interested in seeing where this story's going. I liked the beginning, and I'm looking forward to see what this leads into. I like the introduction to the characters, which I can easily see myself becoming attached to. So, thank you for posting and please continue. I look forward to seeing more. Update when you can!
I'm really interested in seeing where this story's going. I liked the beginning, and I'm looking forward to see what this leads into. I like the introduction to the characters, which I can easily see myself becoming attached to. So, thank you for posting and please continue. I look forward to seeing more. Update when you can!
5/30/2011 c1 5I Can Breathe
The summary really left me wanting more. I didn't expect it to start like this but its intriguing.
5I Can BreatheThe summary really left me wanting more. I didn't expect it to start like this but its intriguing.