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for The Confessions of Cassidy Cain (Grandmaster of Theft 1)

4/3/2015 c5 Darinas
Sooooooo you are saying there are people WORSE than Miss Richmond in real life? Wow, I guess what I heard is true: sometimes, reality IS freakier than fiction'

Overall not much more to say. i really enjoyed the exchange between Cassie and Narcissa, and I like how Cassie makes her essentially yell the truth yet plays on how stupid this is to make everybody not believe it. Nice to see a protagonist with brain
3/31/2015 c3 2Jalux
Cassidy does thing by the book which is nice to see, love how she checks the employees and everything. This is an excellent way to show her competence without telling us explicitly. I also suspect the scene where she threatens to ruin the guy's life because he wanted five times could be improved. It's not bad but I think you need to transition him from defiant to scared better. It's more like he changes in an instant, you need to go from gradually being defiant to scared as shit I reckon. It's more realistic.

Rebecca was fine in my opinion, I'll need to see more from her before I judge but she seems like a good character with a long history with our MC. Rae is pretty cool I think, he sees to have a strong sense of justice so I wonder how they will work out with Cassie. You definitely feel Rebecca and Cassie are super close given their dialogue.

Narcissa remains the same in my mind, very greedy and power-hungry but terribly clever as well. She knows what she wants and she'll stop at nothing to get it.
3/29/2015 c3 Darinas
Seems like the scheme is progressing well. I like how everything is building up to it. Also, you really seem to make a lot of effort to have Narcissa appear unsympathetic...

Rebecca is... eccentric, to say the last' but quite fun to see in action. I like that.
3/25/2015 c2 Darinas
Okaaaaaaaaaay... so she is planning to show up as herself to commit a crime... that's either the stupidest of greatest plan ever.

Honestly, good start. I like the way it is going. Wynn and Cass seem to have interesting interactions so far, and I am curious to see how the plan will go.
3/20/2015 c2 Jalux
Interesting characterization because Cassie took back the Tear not because she wanted to win the challenge but to get it back for the people who had lost it. That shows a certain level of selflessness and makes her more interesting in my mind. I like how she thinks though and I agree with that quote that sometimes it's better to be overt to be covert. Wynn's opinion being different to hose is a nice contrast and I feel the dialogue here was written really well.

It's also pretty cool how they plan every single detail out and shows just how volatile these operations can be, makes sense though as these operations do look pretty dangerous.

I think the relationship works well. It's obvious they're pretty close and have worked with each other before and it kind of makes you wonder what their past is.
3/15/2015 c1 Jalux
First and foremost I love the amount of world building you did here and it really goes to show the amount of effort you put into the story which is always a good sign. Anyways to answer some of your questions.

The plot is interesting so far although I need to read more to fully make a judgement, honestly as far as I see it doesn't seem too cliched and stereotypical and your opening with the conversation of murder is enough to keep me hooked for me. I like Cassidy so far, she's tough and capable and knows what she wants. The caution with the disguises and her manner of speech make her feel like a badass and I'm interesting to see what lies in store for her. Little more on the fence about Gerard, he seems a bit stale but honestly like...a good type of stale. I feel his character is going to play a minor role but hey I could be wrong.

The lore is quite fascinating and it lets you ponder which I find is always good. Finally for our villain Narcissa I'm uncertain too, I like how she backstabbed people so honestly I think she'll be a good villain and a unique one who I believe uses words and trickery instead of violence which is always cool to see in the bad guy/girl.

I like it.
2/27/2015 c1 4Kouki
I'll describe this chapter as easily as I can, elegant.

It is smooth and easy to follow; no pointless points of exposition and no lack of detail to cause confusion, it is a cleanly written piece that tells you everything you need to know. For the writing style I think you've chosen, I believe that this is the perfect prologue.

Your character, the charming thief; she's really captured my heart. Your writing style really does a character like this justice. It flows so well and so smoothly, it really is an incredible first chapter.

I guess if there's one critique of this story it would be that you might find it fun to make use of the semicolon.

Anyway, great read so far, can't wait to get to the rest!

Good job!
2/25/2015 c4 20hazelnutbrew
This was short and sweet, though it's a set up that promises great things to come. I wonder what's going to happen next. I don't think I mind the perspective shifts that much, as long as it's an engaging story, then anything can be written well. Like that yuri fic that you wrote with Cassidy and Becca xD Hahaha. Anyway, I know that the next chapter promises to be as amazing as the previous chapters, so I'm looking forward to reading more!
2/25/2015 c3 hazelnutbrew
This was another good chapter! I like Cassidy's scheme to hijack the train, and she shows off her professionalism as a thief by going to the train director's house unnoticed. Well prepared is definitely her motto, that's for certain. I also like the introduction of Becca in the story. Her dialogue is pretty cool, I just love the way that she talks and it serves as a contrast to Cassidy's more sophisticated speech. Rae is also an interesting character, though she doesn't seem to approve of the Grandmaster of Theft. I think that the Grandmaster of Theft is a noble thief of sorts-after all, Cass could have just threatened the train director and left it at that, though she gave him a handsome amount of money for his services. Him demanding more was unreasonable, though : Still, he wised up eventually.

After reading that yuri fic with Cassidy and Becca, I ship these two hardcore now. I can't wait to see more interactions with them in the future. Of course, Becca may be in the background for now, but her time will come when she truly shines. I like the fact that she's a magician as well and knows prestidigitation tricks and such. I also liked how you paralleled Narcissa Richmond and Becca together, that was an interesting contrast to show. Narcissa is an interesting character, though she seems to thrive on controversy. Haha.

A very well done chapter, Thieves! I will be sure to read more of this story, as I'm becoming more and more engaged with each chapter that I read. I can't wait to see how this little train hijacking works out, and I want to see Cassidy's confrontation with Narcissa Richmond.
2/16/2015 c1 1GrimNightingale
Hello from The Roadhouse!

I rather like the character of Cassidy Cain. I like the way that she is elegant and polite, but in the end, she also harbors resentment strong enough to consider murder despite her conflicting values. It shows that despite seeming nearly perfect on the outside, she is still human on the inside.

Gerard Turner served an important role in introducing the Cassidy and Wynn, however, there was a sort of blandness to his character in this first chapter. Perhaps this could be remedied with a few more details on what he thinks of Cassidy, especially to show that he is more inwardly thankful to her services.

I thought the story surrounding Adora's tear and also the religion set up in the story was a very nice touch and I can tell that you spent a lot of time on it. The religion of Yewel seems to mirror our modern-day Christianity, in so far as I have read.

As for other thoughts, Wynn, in my opinion, was described magnificently, but prematurely, giving him too much focus and detracting from the two main characters. Perhaps it would be better to downplay him a bit at first, then gradually show the readers how awesome he is later on.
Another thing to note would be when Cassidy mentions having the "key to Gerard's heart." It read a bit awkwardly to me, since it made it sound like he had fallen head over heels for her already. Perhaps, a change in wording from "heart" to "loyalty" could be better. It is a minor detail, and just my personal opinion, of course.

Anyways, I like the story and I am a sucker for elegant lady thieves. I hope my review was at least a bit helpful, and I look forward to reading more. )
2/15/2015 c2 20hazelnutbrew
First person perspective is nice, we get to delve into Cassidy's thinking and line of logic. Speaking of which, her grand plan for getting back at Narcissa is ingenious, but then that is to be expected, as Cassidy is an intelligent young woman after all who is worthy of the title Grandmaster. I like the explanations that you've provided throughout the text as well, to give the reader's a better understanding about everything. I think that you manage to portray Cassidy's brilliance convincingly, and you've certainly got a firm grip on telling an exciting story that is true to the caper genre. I haven't read much of the caper genre myself, though I think this story would be a good introduction into it for me!

Let's see, I liked the dialogue exchange with Wynn and Cassidy. Devious plans within plans, haha. Hijacking a train, eh? Sounds epic, and I know that Cassidy will do it with style. Also, Narcissa Richmond seems to be quite the character. I liked her overly bold declaration for calling out the Grandmaster of Theft and trying to lure her in, she's quite a personality just from that alone. I wonder what tricks Narcissa would have up her sleeve? Though I'm pretty sure that Cassidy will be able to outmaneuver Narcissa with her quick wits and intelligence.

We're talking about likeable protagonists, and I have to say that I like Cassidy Cain as a character because she's so compelling and her morals and principles are fascinating, to say in the least. She has her own sense of honor, and she makes a great thief and is definitely called the Grandmaster of Theft for a reason. I can tell from the first two chapters that Cassidy will stun us all with her grand schemes and heists.

She's an amazing protagonist, and I can't wait to see her use her wit and outmaneuver other people while doing it with style. You've done a good job of writing her, and I'm compelled to read more about her adventures : )
2/8/2015 c1 hazelnutbrew
I'm in love with Cassidy Cain. She's intelligent, well-spoken, and incredibly authoritative. I like how in control of the entire situation she was in this piece, and I can tell that this will be a tale of grand heists and honorable thieves and epic adventures with the crew that you've described here. I love intelligent protagonists, and they're so hard to portray at times, to capture their brilliance and everything, though you've done everything to make Cassidy's brilliance convincing in this very first chapter.

I'm intrigued by the fact that she confessed to a priest and is telling him to stop her from committing a murder. That just piques my interest, and it makes me wonder what kind of individual that person is to make Cassidy hate him so much that she wants to murder him. Gerard Turner is a kindly priest, and I think that you portrayed him well. The Adora's tear had an interesting backstory to it, and I can tell that you put a lot of thought and effort into it.

I like this story thus far and I'm going to be following through with it. The characters are compelling, the prose is top-notch, and you've created a story that promises epic adventure and I know that you'll be able to hold your promise to that. The main character is quite lovely and I think that she's an amazing protagonist, and I would definitely love to see more of her shenanigans and hijinks and whatnot.
2/6/2015 c10 2ElectricNova
Ooh, I like Deus!

He reminds me of the BBC Sherlock version of Moriarty, what with the way he acts. I love villains who do what they do just for fun, not caring about the consequences for others.

It'd be interesting though, if it turns out that he isn't doing it just for fun and games. What if the whole "looking for a nemesis" thing was just a facade? what if he has a real motive?

Narcissa, that bitch. She's just making things more difficult for her in the end, though. I hope she gets what's coming to her. I'm a fool for trusting her.

I... actually thought you were done with her, due to Deus.

I didn't quite believe her faked out reaction though. The whole "but my calculations!" came off as faked.

I don't think it's going to take down Deus straight away, but it's a good start.

I honestly have no idea what's coming up. What if Deus knows her true identity?
2/6/2015 c9 ElectricNova
I don't see Cass as either a hero or villain. She's just a person doing what she thinks is right.

I have to say i agree with her though. If you're not prepared to use violence ever, even to defend yourself... then there's no point. Moral victory is less important than results.

Gerard seems a little naive to me, but his heart is good. I'm looking forward to him questioning his own beliefs a little, but i wouldn' t want to see him lose them, as such.

I didn't notice the shift into pure dialogue until you mentioned it. But it works.

I think it's time for Deus to be expanded on, soon. Because the tear on the train was a forgery, wasn't it?
2/6/2015 c8 ElectricNova
I like Gale. He... reminds me of a somewhat softer inspector Javert, actually, in the way that he believes that law is the ultimate decider of morality. Between order and justice, huh? I can see this ending tragically.

The trick was a bit more physical than i expected. I expected some mental manipulation, but a card to the face works too.

I'm leaning more towards Cass's view. The law is not morality. It exists to uphold morality but most of the time, it fails.

I really like the world, and i kind of want to know more about this princess.

But having someone Cass respects as an antagonist gives an extra layer to things, because he's not a bad person, and she knows that. The problem is... he can't see the grey.

Part 1 was great, looking forward to future parts.
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