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for The Confessions of Cassidy Cain (Grandmaster of Theft 1)

2/6/2015 c7 2ElectricNova
Wow...

I think you've spun Narcissa being a glorified messenger as a way to make her a more interesting character. It makes her far more interesting than just a hammy villain.

I like the way she manipulated Narcissa, but to me it was less manipulative and more... like, there was a strange kind of fellowship between them for a second.

Maybe Narcissa's "changed woman" mask in the public eye will start to make her "become the mask" as it will?

Narcissa was great. She's clearly meant as a starter villain, as this is basically a starter arc, and for that purpose she's perfect.

As for Gale... not sure yet. But with how surprised Cass was to see him, he must be more than meets the eye.
2/6/2015 c6 ElectricNova
I like how she refuses to leave before she can find out what's going on/

I like that it was a bit too...easy to get to Narcissa. Gives a foreboeing feeling.

As for Narcissa herself... being a glorified messenger was the only way the story could go from what i could see. You can't really do much more with her.

I am interested in Deus, yes. Is he like a counterpart to the grandmaster of theft?

I...mostly understood it, but the part about frames escaped me somewhat.

I predict a gambit pileup and an attack on Cass's personal life by this mysterious Deus guy. I do think the name "Deus" is a bit cheesy though. Only complaint.

I like the learning that goes on, mostly because of stuff i've already said about previous chapters.

Overall, interested in seeing what happens.
2/1/2015 c12 1Storyus Raccoonus
Gale, this is why it probably helps to not blurt out to the supposed criminal that you know who they are.
2/1/2015 c10 13360pages
Well, Narcissa redeemed herself as a threat, I also love the fact that Cass plan had a flaw somewhat. I also knew he Cass freakout was probably lie. Deus is a nice contrast to Cass. He's enjoying himself and the games that he plays, it feels like someone who does things simply because he can. Which once again I a nice contrast.

I hope Narcissa will have somewhat of a bigger role, even if it was only by chance. Since once again she makes a good contrast to Cass more subtle nature.
1/31/2015 c9 360pages
Oddly enough, I find Cassy's thinking a bit too simple. Some would say the threat of violence is still a bad thing. Her actions doesn't take into account why people do the things they do. A bad person can do good things for the wrong reason and a good person can do bad things for the right reasons.

I actually personally think regardless of intent actions are actions, and a bad person doing good things even if they have every thing to gain from it is still technically a good person. While a person who murders people to save some children is still a bad person regardless of why.

Actually, I tend to think 'why' is an excuse to help soften our decisions. And sometimes doing things without reason can be just as fulfilling. Though that is a completely different topic.
1/29/2015 c8 360pages
Gale reminds me of the Law characters in SMT...actually the entire conversation reminds me of thus. And as a result both ideologies are wrong, balance is he most important in everything, and maintain that balance is key to any society.

Even if the Laws are wrong some are in place for a reason, it would be silly to say stilling from a rich person is fine because they are rich, but stealing from poor people is bad because they are poor. Would Cass follow such a law that would allow someone to freely still from someone else? As long as they are demand not a good person?

On the flip side, law is created to help everyone. A corrupt law is bad and should be changed and in a perfect world laws would be changed casually, but it's not so black and white because different times call for abusing different laws.
1/22/2015 c7 360pages
Hmm, Narcissa really wasn't much going off of this chapter. The story arc isn't finished yet, but I was kind of hoping that she would be the first major road block for Cass. Perhaps give her, her first defeat or make her rethink he approach to certain situation. Though I have a feeling the next chapter is going to do something like that.

Honestly, Cass at times can feel like somewhat of a hypocrite depending on the context. While Narcissa methods are far more blunt and life destroying. I actually feel like both women are very close to using similar method.

I guess it goes back to, do you show more respect for authorities for going behind their back and doing something or openly mocking them.

Gale seems like a character Cass knows, so I will probably read the next chapter to figure something out.
1/19/2015 c6 360pages
Short chapter, not that I mind, now for the questions.

Framing is pretty much single mind people giving a proper definition. It made sense that Narcissa is a messenger, though I suspect something bigger is probably going to happen thus making the previous bet null and void

I enjoy learning while I read I think it is something that more people should do once in awhile, at least for the story. Can't make too many predictions right now since it's a pretty short chapter.
1/18/2015 c5 360pages
I really say that Narcissa is a bit over the top. Not that, that's a bad thing since its a nice contrast to Cassidy. That being said, I doubt she is as stupid as she appears to be. I'm positive she's going to do something that will catch Cassidy off guard.

I think the con is set up in such a way that there will probably be loop hole with neither of them having to end up paying the amount.

I actually wouldn't mind seeing Cassidy being a bit cocky somewhat. Mostly because Narcissa is a very hard person to take seriously at the moment.

Also, CAPS, it's just me, but those are a lot of CAPs. There is nothing wrong with them though.
1/17/2015 c5 2ElectricNova
So they finally meet.

I thought that it was a good scene, and i like hammy antagonists, but it think the emphasis on full caps dialogue was a bit much on my senses.

I think that while there's not much depth to her, she's an entertaining character.

I enjoyed the excahange, yes. Although it could've been a bit longer.

The propositonal con was something i found a bit confusing, to be honest.

And the enphasis on plans and social engineering is what sets this story apart from the crowd. You really think how a master thief with a civillian identity would, and that's why it's so compelling. I look forward to some violence though.
1/17/2015 c4 ElectricNova
The framing device works. I'd really like to see more of Mr Butler, to be honest. He's a great character from what i've seen.

I didn't find the effect of going from 1st to 3rd person that jarring, personally. It worked well.
1/17/2015 c3 ElectricNova
"What are your thoughts on Cassidy's con?"

Good, though I feel a bit sorry for the conductor, hehe.

"What are your thoughts on Rebecca Maddox?"

She's cute as hell. I hope one day she finds out about Cass's secret identity, as she thinks of her as a hero.

"How about Rae Crawford?"

She's alright. Seems to have a quite black and white world view, which i'm sure is intentional. I wonder if it will bring her into conflict with Cass at any point.

"What are your overall thoughts on Cass's relationships with them?"

Good, and warm, but i can't wait to see the results if they find out about her double life."

As for Narcissa, she's getting more interesting the more i learn about her. Reminds me of a lot of real life celebs TBH.
1/17/2015 c2 ElectricNova
"What are your thoughts on all the manouvering so far from both sides?"

It's kind of fascinating. It's clear that you've thought it out as much as your characters have.

"Are you able to understand and follow Cassidy's deduction and planning?"

Mostly. A bit of it was confusing, but a little reread cleared it up. It shouldn't be too difficult for most people.

"What are your thoughts on Cassidy's plan?"

It's ingenious. I enjoy seeing protagonists who can come up with a good, crazy, plan. Also the fact that you dedicated a whole chapter to the plan is admirable.

"What's your impression of Narcissa Richmond so far?"

She should be interesting. I like egotistical characters, so...

"What's your overall response to Wynn?"

He's alright. Probably the least interesting character so far, to be quite honest, but that's not too bad. He could use a little more, but hey.

One last comment: The biggest strength of this story is definitely the protagonist, so far. She's awesome.
1/17/2015 c1 ElectricNova
Wow. That was really good.

"What was your first impression of Cassidy Cain?"

I always like a strong female protagonist, so yeah, i'm totally on board with her. She's dangerous but has just the right amount of morality to be endearing.

"Are you compelled to learn more about her?"

Definitely! I want to know who it is she's planning to kill, and i'm sure i'll find out. But I also want to know more about her personal life.

"How about Gerard Turner so far?"

This is how you write a religious person. In general the religion stuff seemed really well done here, but particularly him. He acts exactly how a priest should act in that situation, so thumbs up.

"The story surrounding Adora's tear,what do you think about that?"

Well, as i said the religious stuff was well done, and so was the world building. But this is a pretty convincing myth, so yeah.

"Thoughts on the framing device and logic behind it?"

Well, it definitely made me want to read further.

"Any predictions?"

Something is going to go very wrong. Spanner in the works. I know i'm late to this story but that's what i think.

As for comments, I'd say that this is about 200% better than anything i could write. But I'd like to specifically point out the main protagonist and the world building of the religion to be the highlights.
1/14/2015 c3 13360pages
I noticed a slight error, about the mid point of the chapter. The sentence "As for the Phone, I had him keep it on his person, just in case. I figured it best he thought we were monitoring him until the job was complete."

This exact sentence is used for the next paragraph without any changes. I assume it's a mistake though.

Rebecca is alright, I don't mind her at all, I suspect she is a character that will be entering and exiting the story here or there. Though I can see her introducing a slight magical element to the story, which is fine by me.

I didn't expect that kind of back story for Narcissa, but I do find it funny how Cass states that there are better ways to fend off boredom. Despite her not actually know why Narcissa is doing something like that.

As for the con itself...I can't help but think that something like that would be better transported from a plane or a smaller vehicle. I'm also like people questioning Cass decisions, despite everything what she is doing is illegal.
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