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for The Confessions of Cassidy Cain (Grandmaster of Theft 1)

9/3/2014 c2 Blazing Lights
Well it was alright. It didn't exactly appeal to me but it's more my mood on that. I can like crime but I have to be in the mood for it to really get into it.

Personally I felt there was a bit too much dialogue it kinda bored me in a sense but then again the dialogue was amusing in its own way.

Cass's plans ar so unique in her own way that it showcases her personality or at least to me it does. How people plan can tell a lot about a person.

I like Cassidy, I like independent woman who know how to ask or accept help too when the time is right. Strategist too which is a great trait. I could never write a good strategist character but you seem to be have a grip on it.

Have a Great Day!:)
9/3/2014 c4 7LiVEWiRE360
Someone Cassidy knew and loved was murdered? Im seriously curious now lol. It was a short chapter, but short and sweet. It makes me want to know what happened and what's going to happen. Good chapter ;)
9/1/2014 c1 1grumpyturtle
I do believe Cass is well versed in her profession. That is very clear, but almost too much so, if that makes sense. Almost like she's trying too hard to illustrate to readers just how good she is at her job...but I suspect that this effect is mostly from being bombarded by the planning going down in the first chapter. We're just thrown into the middle of a "masterminding" session, and we don't even fully understand the character yet.

Still, that IS her personality, so...hmm. Catch-22 situation here, I think.

However, it is very well written. Wynn makes me laugh...a very stoic and dry form of comedic relief. (In my opinion, the best kind. :D) Hope he sticks around...he's on the same wavelength as Cass and it's instantly obvious. A very nice touch, methinks.


P.S. I wouldn't do "The Rogue's Gallery," personally. Not by themselves. Maybe if Cass found them or hacked into them in the story...I could see that happening.
8/31/2014 c3 7LiVEWiRE360
Rebecca and Rae seem like fun friends. They seem to have a good friendship with Cass. I wonder if they found out who she really was, would they still have the friendship? 6,6 but now we get into some action for the next chapter. I like the dialogue in this and the characters. We get a good look at a bit of Cass's personal life. Good chappy! :D
8/31/2014 c2 LiVEWiRE360
It was a good chapter. Man, Cass explains things in such a way 0.o she seems well trained for the schemes and planning tho. Resourceful and not afraid to take risks. Wynn on the other hand seems like the careful type. Its well written and detailed. The only thing i have trouble with is understanding some of the complicated words. Otherwise, i like it! :D
8/29/2014 c1 LiVEWiRE360
U write fluently and very detailed. Although, its a bit complicated to understand. Cassidy is a good character and u define her well. The history behind many of the things are well written and interesting. I especually like the names of the cities/kingdoms and characters. Very creative :) i like this story!
8/28/2014 c2 1Marc Reid
Review from Fearless to Fly moving over here, long story

"Cassidy Cain is a character that seems to have a lot of thought put into coming up with her. It's intriguing that she is 19 and rich but still decides to steal but not for the money. Overall I feel mystery surrounds her and that she is a highly intelligent person.

Have a Great Day!:)"
8/28/2014 c1 Marc Reid
Review moved over #1 for my personal collection

"I wanted to return your review as fast as possible, so here it is (feel free to ignore my undoubtedly many grammatical errors :D):

I really enjoy Cassidy. She's very...professional and stoic. It's actually kind of funny, the way she handles things. My favorite part so far is when she's "confessing" to Gerard. The way she so calmly talks about contemplating murder, as if it's no big deal, made me laugh. Particularly when she's talking about murder in terms of thievery...it was a very clever ploy and it definitely hooked me.

And Gerard..."I guess it's a good thing you're trying to think of alternatives to murder." XDDD I'm not sure why that was so hilarious-maybe because I was picturing his facial expression? I have no idea, but I love that line. Silver linings much? Gerard the Optimist. Optimist Prime. :P

I'm very curious as to who it is that Cassidy has "yet to actually plan a murder for," and what he/she did to her that makes death a suitable punishment in her eyes.

Love the voice. Fabulously done. Will be reading more.

10/6/2013 c6 Mysterious Miste
Sherlock Holmes is not exactly someone I would call lawful, in any event, I enjoy your words so far.
8/23/2013 c9 7Vladvonbounce
The early set up contingency plan was well done. I quite liked that.
Meeting Cassidy's grandfather was cool. Maybe it was just my own relationship to my grandparents but I found it odd that she referred to him as sir while he called her kiddo. Also if she was going to be formal when speaking with him she mentioned 'convo' a couple of times. Should perhaps be conversation. Overall I really liked having the older mentor, it's a nice tradition.

I think you also did a great job with Cassidy's concerns on recruiting more people. The way she considers the pros and cons is quite intelligent and beyond what most characters in stories do. Which is often just the more the merrier.

Some nit picking
"the swindler must maintain whatever illusion they conceive for a greater deal of time than a short con" is conceive the right word here?

"or to bring The Mark into one owns"- one's own

"That meant she had to honor the agreement by delivering the million crowns to Cain Manor Tuesday at noon."- Cain manor on Tuesday, or a comma perhaps?

"Another had a opened massive monitor "- an opened, or perhaps drop opened altogether as you don't really open a monitor. Unless you mean it was being taken apart.

"In times of crises"- crisis? As the times is plural I think the crisis remains singular.

"the people you must be able to rely on most are those closest to you" I think this could have been better worded to get your point across. Her grandfather is saying she should tell more people her secret but then sseems to say she can only trust those closest to her. I felt like it was a bit of a contradiction.

""I'm not going to do something inane such as recruit eleven people to be in on an operation.""- Awesome line!

""my phone" my phone began to play" This was a bit odd. More likely the phone would start ringing and she would just answer it, perhaps say excuse me I would have thought.

"but Deus is not the time to pick a fight you can't win" Deus is not a time but a person. Perhaps "Don't pick a fight with Deus you can't win."

"It amused me at times how much our nation trumpeted talented individual, yet paid little tribute to those able men and women behind them."- This is a great reflection on our own society.

"I truly felt that a properly constructed crew could've proved crucial to Deus' downfall" - could instead of could've, they haven't failed yet.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
8/16/2013 c8 Vladvonbounce
Great start to part 2!
I love Narcissa's character. Gilderoy Lockhart is definitely a good comparison. Someone with utter self confidence backed up by being completely incompetent.
Not surprised she would break the deal. that's pretty in character.
Glad you are continuing to use her. Looking forward to seeing how she develops.
Cassidy being a chcoholic is an excellent way to give her some more personality.

" Whether she's rubbing elbows with Elites or feuding with them, she's been a controversial figure all across media that's hard to miss" - I didn't like the hard to miss on the end here. It just struck me as a bit off like it was explaining that media is hard to miss rather than media depictions of Narcissa are hard to miss. Also should it be 'the media'?

Narcissa is so snippy and self confident, I love that. Especially after seeing a more vulnerable side to her in the last chapter.

"She brandished Undine Tear" - Undine's?

"something like a drug "- you could just say drugs here. I am not sure what something like a drug that isn't includes?

"or some dumb moral like that" Is 'be yourself' really a moral? On the otherhand it is Narcissa speaking so maybe not relevant.

"is me and the moment's I create"- moments.

"If you ask me, that's what makes a bad people"- Person

"Do you think your recent adversary in The Grandmaster believes you to be that"- "Do you think your recent adversary, The Grandmaster believes you to be that?" or even "Do you think your recent arch nemesis, The Grandmaster of Theft, believes you to be a bad person?""
8/6/2013 c7 Vladvonbounce
First thoughts. Deus is pretty awesome. He reminds me a bit of the Joker from Batman. Chaotic evil! I was initially a bit surprised though as these sort of chaotic types aren't usually quite so secretive about their identities. I found myself believing what he said but still harbouring a lot of doubts similar to Cassidy.

Catchphrase is good. I like the way she clings to her fake identity. As a sort of alternative personality a bit. I also like that she has this darker side to her personality. She isn't a white and shining hero.

Overall I thought volume 1 was great. There were a few proofreading issues but the characters are very dynamic and intelligent. There is a lot of witty and amusing banter and it makes me want to read more.

"I seldom took pleasure in opposing the unknown" Do you mean facing? Opposing could imply that instead of doing unknown things she does known things which is a little odd.

" preferably all three at once" great way to unwind!

"I had nothing it, or practically any other offensive strategy, could culminate in." I think you could word this a bit better. "An offensive strategy would go nowhere as I didn't know where to attack." Or somesuch?

"in making the first move exposed them" should that be him?

"ll that just gets me all the more reeved up for this" - revved.

"there supposed motive of making the best of their time." - their

"I'm not precisely positive what I expected, but not that. Who would?" I love this line. Very amusing.
"'evil genius seeking equally brilliant and sexy arch nemesis for fun and games'" This too!
8/6/2013 c6 Vladvonbounce
I quite liked Gale Crawford's firm belief in the law and justice as opposed to Cassidy's vigilante justice. There was some really nice philosophical exchanges going on there. I also like to see two good characters facing off against each other. Personally I am with Cass's ideology. The government should be afraid of its people.

Cassidy's escape plan was good but I would have thought Gale would have already had his sword drawn not have it still sitting in his scabbard? I also thought the way Gale went on a bit of a rant at the start was a little silly. He didn't need to explain his previous military experience at this point. it felt like it was solely for the readers benefit.

I really can't predict what will happen next but I bet it will be awesome.

Just be careful with a few grammar mistakes.

" What went unsaid was his proficient for swordplay in addition to him being more seasoned in CCD than me." This could be better worded.

"I said while reviewing over what strengths I still had at my disposal." - I would remove over as it is a bit redundant. Also I would consider swapping strengths to another word. Abilities perhaps? It sort of came across as physical strength even though I know that is not what you meant.

"From there any change you so wish can be put into brought to attention" - "From there any change you want can be considered."

"Gale promptly blocked card with his sheathe." -"Gale promptly blocked the card with his sheathe"
Also by sheathe do you mean scabbard?

" influential woman could be slayed"- slain. Although I would consider murdered, assassinated or killed.
8/5/2013 c5 Vladvonbounce
I really liked the way Cass dealt with the situation. Convincing Narcissa to become an ally. it felt very natural and reasonable. Her arguments were intelligent and she is a better person for it.
I think Deus just wants to play a game. He wants to show he is better then her I would guess.
I liked the way you introduced this Gale Crawford. I initially thought it might be Deus. I sense a train top sword fight upcoming which would be cool.

" I'd think he mad if they weren't so brilliant at bringing all of this stuff together" - " I'd think he was mad if he wasn't so brilliant at bringing all of this stuff together"

""Cass, keep it cool," Wynn advised" I might add on the radio here as he isn't actually in the room and it is the first time you mentioned him this chapter.

I AM THE INVINSIBLE MADAME RRRRICHMOND - invincible or invisible? :)

" I felt a celebratory chocolate cake was in order." Awesome!
8/4/2013 c4 Vladvonbounce
I liked this chapter. It set up the reasoning behind Cassidy's entrance into the world of crime very well. it also nicely introduced who I assume is to be the true nemesis- Deus. You don't reveal much about him but what you do is intriguing. Clearly he is intelligent and powerful but also a bit of a show off.

The separate flashbacks of her receiving the letter in her locker and then waking up in the morning and then talking to Wynn could each have a line break between them just to split them up.

Wynn is cool. He doesn't really standout. Cassidy for me takes the stage with some very intriguing philosophical points and Wynn sort of just agrees with her.

Cassidy's reasoning behind being a vigilante is well done and easily relatable.

"Didn't you technically just ask me one right there" It is so irritating when people do that :)

"Would you like to know what I believe waits?" Waits?

""Yeah? What, uh, what all's going on up there?" - what's

"all the obstacles they faced, and less opportunities present," - and the fewer opportunities presented, perhaps?

I find it intriguing the way Cassidy is so against murderers for stealing people's future but she is a thief herself. Its a nice juxtaposition.

"Wynn replied after a few seconds pasted" - passed.
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