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for The Confessions of Cassidy Cain (Grandmaster of Theft 1)

12/9/2011 c5 5Dr. Self Destruct
Ahaha, yeah, it was pretty nice seeing Narcissa getting curbstomped. And I didn't expect her tie into Deus - that was a nice little way to remind the reader who indeed is the true bad guy here, and helps us revisit the previous chapters as well. But yeah, when she broke down after seeing her blood... ah, that was priceless. Goes to show that not everyone with a big mouth like hers has the muscle or skill to back it up.

I thought the cards were a pretty nice touch. You don't normally see those used very often as weapons. Makes me think of ninja stars. Oh, and I liked how after Narcissa agreed to give up, Cass still kneed her in the gut. It's good to see she isn't a softie, haha. And if you ask me, in some situations destroying a person's legacy can be worse to them than killing them, so I like Cass' methods. ;)

Uh oh! Train fight between Gale and Cass? This should be interesting. I was just waiting for him to pop up - glad he didn't leave me disappointed!

Hmm, trying to think of a reason Deus would be playing with that train... only thing I can think of is that he's trying to toy with Cass and learn more about the Grandmaster. But that's all I can really think as of right now - I'll have to keep my eyes open for future clues.
12/9/2011 c4 Dr. Self Destruct
Really liked Cassidy's transformation in the beginning here, as well as Wynn's and when he's standing outside her door tossing the smoke bomb up and down. Wynn does indeed seem like a bad-ass. Really excited to see him in action first-hand sometime down the line. Oh, and I think it's cool how Cass talks with an accent when acting like the Grandmaster - makes me imagine her voice differently when I read those parts. Really plays with the imagination.

I liked her plan. I thought it was very simple, effective, and not superfluous. I also enjoyed her difficulty with getting across the train's rooftop - I can imagine that's not an easy thing to do, but in the movies they always make it too simple. Glad Cass actually had trouble with the wind resistance and balance and everything.

Considering how Narcissa talks about herself, I was very satisfied to see her knocked down a couple notches, haha. I think Cassidy's confidence is the perfect counter against her. Can't wait to see their hand-to-hand fight - this will be a good opportunity to see just how far Cassidy goes when physically defeating her opponents.
12/9/2011 c6 2ImpaledK
Great ending to a great arc. I foresee some great things ahead and hope that you don't disappoint.

Gale vs Cassidy was as impressive as expected. Objectively thinking, Cassidy is a great character with quite the interesting personality.

In the case of their philosophies I would have to choose Cassidy over Gale, despite me liking the latter better. I agree that laws should be upheld, to a point. Blindly succumbing to the law is stagnant and leaves things in a constant state of nothing. It takes a rebel to change things, whether it be for the betterment of the whole or not. Cassidy represents that rebel, the one trying to change things. Luckily she has the right intentions so I can back her philosophy.

Did she live up to her ego? I will say personally I felt no. An ego like hers is hard to live up to, especially within only six chapters. I will change my thoughts as I see the series progress, but the character always falls short of expectation. I agree she has been impressive but when building an ego based character they can't live up to the reader's expectations. Was she impressive, yes. Could she have been better with what was shown so far, probably but not that easily. Can she grow and become the character her ego describes, yes and I hope to see it.

By the way, she took quite the risk in asking Gale her question. I wouldn't be surprised to learn Gale already has his suspicions on who the Grandmaster really is...
12/8/2011 c5 ImpaledK
Great fight scene and glad to see Narcissa finally shutting up. How lame was that 'your face' line? Not toward you, but the mood and all. I almost wish she died, accidentally of course *wink wink*.

And I must say that Gale has grown on me. It was completely badass when he just appears and says "Hi, how are you doing on the bright day" and catches Cassidy off guard. Without a doubt he is going to be my favortie character of the series. Screw Cassidy I'm behind you all the way buddy!
12/7/2011 c3 5Dr. Self Destruct
[While it was a sunny day outside, in my world, this was only the calm before the storm.]

I really liked this line - I think it sums up Cassidy's shock perfectly, haha. But not only shock, I can feel her anger as well.

I like this tension you built between Cassidy and Gale. It'll be interesting to see her face him if she's forced to during this theft. Which brings up your author's note questions: I really have no idea what Cassidy has planned, but that's a good thing! It'll be a surprise, and I always love surprises. Looking forward to see her in action. :D

I think Gale being there adds another facet to the difficulty, and if Cassidy wins (which I have a feeling she will) it'll make victory all the sweeter. I like how composed Gale remains when being yelled at by Narcissa - he has a pretty cool character, makes me think of him being cold and calculating. Though, I still like Wynn more - he's funny. xD

I like how extravagant Narcissa is. It really gives this one of those classic superhero vibes (in my opinion anyways) like the old school Batman and such. Normally I don't like seeing words in all caps, but I think it adds to the experience since this is being told differently from other books - kinda gives it a comic book-esque feel (or manga). It also makes me think of the whole 'BOOM' 'POW' screens when Batman was fighting those old villains, haha, very cool.
12/7/2011 c4 2ImpaledK
I must say the only problem I have with this story is how catchy it is. I've tried to keep a steady pace when reading but it gets harder and harder. If nothing else you are a master of suspense.

I read this entire chapter to find out what the "great plan" was, only to be a bit disappointed. No offense there but I was expecting something bigger. Truthfully I'd say it was within the realm of possibility so kudos there, but for all the hype it was kind of anticlimactic. I mean seriously, she climbed on top of the train?

The encounter with Narcissa on the other hand was exceptional. That's where the cliffhanger ending comes in and gets me riled up. I can't wait until tomorrow to watch Cassidy beat the living hell out of that annoying bitch.

To wrap things up, good job. I will say the chapter wasn't as great as I've seen compared to the others, but it's probably just me.
12/6/2011 c2 5Dr. Self Destruct
Sorry this return took a little while - if I don't read chapter three tonight, I promise I'll do it tomorrow! ^-^

I kinda like how Cassidy 'hides' in plain sight. I think it shows how arrogant she is - even though she claims not to be, haha. It's also very different and sets her apart from other vigilantes/super heroes. It's nice to see she has a flaw, too (like her arrogance).

I'm wondering if you've had past readers complain that she's too perfect, but normally that's what happens with characters like this - especially super heroes. After all, they need to be exceptional in many different things to survive this kinda stuff - and what kinda story would it be if she was just like a normal woman? A pretty boring story, if you ask me.

If you couldn't tell, I love superheroes. xD

I thought the way she laid out that Empire officer was hilarious... she really kicked his ass, huh? I'm excited to see the brawl between her and Narcissa (really love that name, by the way).

Hmm, what could Gale be up to? Either he's working against Narcissa and Cass just doesn't know it yet, or we found a possible antagonist!
12/6/2011 c3 2ImpaledK
Hey, loved this chapter. I just realized it was based on on manga format, a real blunder on my part. Your detail is astounding as ever and the conflict is really beginning to rise. I can't wait to see how it plays out between Narcissa and Cassidy.

For the record I don't like Narcissa at all. It's not that she's a badly written character, I just can't stand her pretentious attitude. That being said, kudos on creating a character that can draw theat much emotion out of me.

Now that I'm thinking of this in manga terms it really changes the way I've felt about the general story. Nothing bad mind you, I actually can see the point for things now. One thing I've noticed that most mangakas don't do is keep their characters in the normal spectrum. They either overdramatise their abilties of make the main characters pathetically weak. I have a new respect for Cassidy although I'm not too sure she'll be a favorite character of mine. I don't tend to like the main protagonists, probably because they are the ones meant to be liked. Lol.
12/5/2011 c2 ImpaledK
I must apologize ahead of time as it took quite a bit to get through the chapter so this review isn't going to be that good. Don't take it the wrong way, it's not the story that made it forced but I'm pretty busy here. The story is as good as ever, something I'm striving to achieve myself.

First off I would like to compliment your use of the various writing tools, bold, italics, capitals, etc... It had actually never occurred to me to use those tools in my own story and I can see how they aid in the emotion. The emotion itself was brilliantly executed. I loved the constant bickering, its the best word I could up with on short notice sorry, between Cassidy and Madame Richmond.

One thought I have is the general idea for the story. I'm getting more of a psychological battle over a physical one and I hope you stay that way. This doesn't really affect you per say but I've seen too many people end up switching to a pure physical battle because they can't keep up with the mental one.
12/4/2011 c1 5Dr. Self Destruct
First off, I think it's awesome how you're breaking down this series into episodes. I took a similar route with one of my older stories I started way back when, and it's so cool to see someone else use the same format because I hardly ever see it done in prose. Maybe we'll start a new revolution, eh? :D

Cass kinda of reminds me of a female Bruce Wayne, which I think is really cool, especially because she's a woman. It's always refreshing to see a strong female protagonist, especially those who don't take shit from anyone - and I can see Cass' character being like that. The whole concept of a vigilante is also awesome. I love vigilantes! I think out of all the character introduced in this chapter, I enjoyed Cass and Wynn the most - the latter mostly due to his personality. He sounds a bit snarky and has a lot of character to him already... I'm also curious to learn about what exactly he did to Cass' family.

The only suggestion I can really give is I noticed sometimes you used pronouns (mainly 'that') which could have been eliminated and the sentence would have still made sense. It's generally a good practice to use as little words as possible to convey the same message - tighter sentences improve the flow and help loads with the pace.

But altogether, this chapter was very easy to read and get into. I think you have an interesting start here and I'll be looking forward to seeing where it goes. :)
12/3/2011 c1 2ImpaledK
First off let me thank you for reviewing my own story and here is my view of yours.

I was skeptical at first when reading about Cassidy, your description made her seem far too beyond normal. I really don't like when somebody plays one character up to be the best, but I digress. I was pleasantly surprised when you dulled her out, no offence to you there, and made her seem more normal. I'll have to read further to see how you did there.

I do like the fact that your characters are realists, not some half-assed designs to make them more popular. My own story incorporates themes of the true nature of justice. I have to ask, despite this making me seem like a total nerd, have you watched the anime Code Geass? If not I suggest you do as this story reminds me about it in a lot of ways. You may even get ideas from it, just refrain from using gundam styled walkers.

Thanks for listening and don't let me fool you. I loved this chapter and will continue reading as time allows.
11/27/2011 c1 Davient
wow after reading the first chapter i can already tell this is going to be a fantastic story i hope that you keep this up for more than 50 chapters
11/23/2011 c10 5Whirlymerle
Happy birthday!

I figured it would be sort of lame to tell you just this in PM, so you can have another review for today as well. ;)

Ooh, I'm curious about what Cass's mother bet on with Edan that she lost. The somberness with which he relayed Cass this is uncharacteristic, so I wonder if it'll be significant.

With that being said, I really like how smooth Cass's strategy is in assuming her real identity and tempting Narcissa to her that way. I especially like the part where Cass says how one of the reasons Narcissa wouldn't be able to resist Cass's offer was because of the free dining. She's an opportunist in every way!

I find Narcissa's past really interesting. The fact that she felt the need to best with her twin brother, to be specific. I'm getting the feeling that her family definitely favored her brother, so now I feel a smidgen sorry for her. Except, I'm sure she’ll continue to be ridiculously bratty in the following chapters. Wonder how her brother turned out, though.

~Merle
11/23/2011 c9 Whirlymerle
Hmm, I like how Cass tries to think logically through her possible flaws. Man, that girl's rally committed to self discipline and making sure she's at the top of her game! I wonder though, if the fact that she's so bent on being perfect and not having any weaknesses that it's a weakness in and of itself. Hmm, I don't know.

I like how she bellow out the number of push-up's she's done. I don't know if it's meant to be humorous, but my mental picture of Cass being so intense and serious about her excercise regimen is great.

Ope, I see that Wynn's sorta agreeing with me on the overextendnig thing.

[He had leaned into closer towards me and eyes centered on me alone as if we were the only thing that existed in world] I'm really bad at this, so forgive me if I have it completely wrong, but is that a spark of romance, or at least chemistry, that I'm detecting? :D :D :D

In any case, I hope Wynn convinces Cass to take a break. Well, not when she's in the middle of a mission, but certainly, after.

This is such a fun chapter, I really enjoyed it!

~Merle
11/23/2011 c8 Whirlymerle
Hey there, happy (early) Thanksgiving! If you celebrate it.

[Hover above was a glaringly white rigid airship.] Hovering?

[I…engrossed myself in…research entailing an assortment of pulchritudinous maidens] Haha! I LOVE Cass's grandfather. He's got a wonderful sense of humor, especially with using such big words to hide his rather… colorful interests.

[Nonetheless, being me meant that nothing was beyond my grasp] I like that Cassidy isn't humble about her own accomplishments, it makes her a little obnoxious to read about, but hey, you made her so talented that she might as well flaunt it. :D

I like how you keep Cass's love for chocolate consistent however, it's a neat character quirk.

I think Cass makes an interesting observation in how Deus hides behind other people in his schemes. I personally think it's a brilliant move. Cowardly and despicable, certainly. But effective. To be honest, the fact that he uses people like Narcissa, who's obnoxious to no ends, I'd almost commend him in I wasn't rooting for Cass. Nohting like the evil taking advantage of the evil (and stupid).

~Merle
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