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for The Confessions of Cassidy Cain (Grandmaster of Theft 1)

12/9/2015 c1 5ZekeFreek
This story, thus far, has an almost Artemis Fowl atmosphere about it. Which I suspect will either change very quickly, or become even more so. I'm impressed how natural the introduction of Cassidy and who she is was done. It was a good set-up for delivering that information. All stories must info dump at one point or another, but the more you can work it into the dialogue itself, the better I think the end result is.

I also like how you only explained what needed to be explained. There's a lot of off-hand mentions of things in this chapter that help flesh out the world, but didn't need to be explained in detail... at least not yet anyway. Tell them what they need to know and gradually build up their interest in other things.

I certainly am interested in seeing what someone could do to Cassidy that would make her consider crossing such a personal line of hers. I like the way it's handled too. It's obviously conflicting for her, but not overtly so. It doesn't come across as callous or whiny, it fits nicely in the middle of the spectrum.

I'm not a fan of untagged dialogue, as I feel a writer should be as clear as possible. But you did do a good job of ensuring it was obvious who was speaking. Of course considering most of this chapter was a conversation between two people, it isn't that surprising. Still I worry I might get confused if this happens in a more crowded scene.

I could say more, but I feel like I want to save some thoughts for future reviews. I'll definitely be continuing on.
10/24/2015 c1 10r3dacted
So me and the author did an interview kind of thing since I thought it'd be cooler than going back and reviewing each individual chapter. All in all, this is a great read, and though the interview has spoilers of sorts, I hope it'll convince ya to check this story out.

Johnnyzwei: do you have a few questions regarding my thoughts off the top of your head?
[10/17/2015 9:46:50 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): Yep! My first one is, with how far you've gotten, what are your thoughts on Cassidy as the series lead?
[10/17/2015 9:47:09 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): Or hell, just make that a character in general. XD But yeah, your thoughts on her as of now.
[10/17/2015 9:47:50 AM] Johnny Zwei: Hm, Okay, thoguhts on Cass as the lead for now
[10/17/2015 9:54:47 AM] Johnny Zwei: She's pretty cool. She knows what she's doing withtout being a Mary Sue. I like the fact that she's stopping to keep her anger in check every now and then. Cause despite it feeling like she's fully prepared, all the other chracters bring their own plans to the table which mess up her plans.

that coupled with her sense of justice and the fact this story is grounded in reality makes it interesting, especially since she's the the grandmaster of theft. It's obvious that the ends don't justify the means to her, but she's willing to be the villain in the eyes of others to do what she thinks is right. She also seems to get a thrill out of it, I know I would too.
[10/17/2015 9:55:29 AM] Johnny Zwei: As far as a story like this, she's definitely a good fit for the series lead
[10/17/2015 10:00:13 AM] Johnny Zwei: As a character in general, she's really fleshed out. I'm used to seeing a bland MC and maybe, just maybe, hopefully a rival character that's half as interesting as her.
(Admittedly, I haven't read or watched that many things lately, but that's been my experience for a while)
[10/17/2015 10:02:59 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): I know that thing with bland protagonists. XD They drive me crazy really. -.- I feel really it's lazy and, well, a whole list of things with them. But I'll save that for another time!

Alright, let's flip script real quick to the other side of the equation: Narcissa Richmond! She's pretty much been The Heavy for the plot so far even if Deus is the Big Bad. What are your thoughts on her so far?
[10/17/2015 10:03:35 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): Also, how do you feel she's been doing as an adversary?
[10/17/2015 10:08:23 AM] Johnny Zwei: As an adversary, she's both predictable and unpredictable at the same time.
Clearly, she needs Deus. Deus has given her the plans and the means to up her repuation and time in the spotlgiht, yet she wants more.

She's not the smartest, but when left to her own devices, she can come up with something clever by using people's expectations of her against them. I can't help but feel that she's in over her head though. She's not prepared for this kind of mind game, and to be honest, a part of me is rooting for her because of that. To be perfectly honest, I don't know whether I hope she gets what's coming to her or if she can manage a happy ending of her own, despite her massive flaws as a person.

She reminds me of this one character from a manhwha I read. Very different genre, but the first arc was mindgame heavy
[10/17/2015 10:11:10 AM] Johnny Zwei: In Transfer Student Storm Bringer, there's this big guy that's in the bid to become the strongest student in the school. When the main character transfers to the school, he hatches a plan. Join forces with him, and when everyone else is taken care of, he'll call off the alliance and take him down.

But he grew impatient, and started doubting which side was stronger. Wanted to do things his way. I can't remember his name, but despite losing, his actions made the story all the more interesting. He wasn't as smart as the others but still used what he could to the best of his ability
[10/17/2015 10:11:39 AM] Johnny Zwei: The fact that he was kinda in over his head when it came to the mindgames reminded me of Narcissa for that reason
[10/17/2015 10:12:00 AM] Johnny Zwei: They're both very different characters though. But I think that's the reason I kind of sympathize with her a bit
[10/17/2015 10:14:26 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): As odd as this sounds, I'm overall glad for that reaction as a whole! I was wondering if Cissy would gain some sympathy due to how out of her depth she is in comparison to the others. It's certainly been fun watching how it goes down so far and can definitely say I have some really great stuff planned for Act 3 that'll wrap up Narcissa's arc!
[10/17/2015 10:15:04 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): Alright, keeping to the antagonist side real quick, though haven't gotten too much of them yet, what you think about Deus so far and whole elements that are building up surrounding them?
[10/17/2015 10:15:38 AM] Johnny Zwei: Yiss, I'm looking forward to see how Narcissa's story ends and whether or not she'll come back later.
[10/17/2015 10:15:46 AM] Johnny Zwei: As far as Deus goes
[10/17/2015 10:16:00 AM] Johnny Zwei: Hm...
[10/17/2015 10:16:41 AM] Johnny Zwei: for all we know, it could just be a kid. Or it could've been set up to throw off Cass. Either way my big thought is that he's definitely someone who does bad things for the sake of having a challenge
[10/17/2015 10:16:48 AM] Johnny Zwei: hatching a plot and seenig how it goes down
[10/17/2015 10:19:17 AM] Johnny Zwei: I find him interesting in the same way I find L and Light interesting in Death Note. I'm sure that if Deus thought that being a government worker solving crimes was going to be more difficult, he'd do that.

For all we know, he could've been that. Either way, he's built up so far to seem as someone who's got everything under his control. He's outright said that he's bored that no one can stop him, so he was excited to see Cass kinda win.
[10/17/2015 10:20:06 AM] Johnny Zwei: It seems like, whether he's the cause or just mixing things up, he wants to keep an eye on her, make sure he's hated so that she has motivation to take him on. It's a game to him, possibly because nothing else challenges him at all

I so love having those two mix it up. XD Especially just because of the parallels with, as you recognized, Cass gets a thrill out of this and Deus does as well. Though what separates them is her ethics while Deus has a whole lack thereof.

And also, glad you mention Death Note there as it's one of my many influences! What are your thoughts on how I've been handling the whole mindgames and focus on strategy throughout this?
[10/17/2015 10:25:27 AM] Johnny Zwei: I think you've been handling it really really really well.
[10/17/2015 10:26:10 AM] Johnny Zwei: Like, I remember you mentioning that you're holding off on extended combat and violence as much as possible so that its more meaningful when it does happen
[10/17/2015 10:26:16 AM] Johnny Zwei: and that's what makes the mindgames special
[10/17/2015 10:27:31 AM] Johnny Zwei: ah crap, hit ctrl z and erased a bunch of crap, give me another minute to write
[10/17/2015 10:28:11 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): Not a problem at all. XD Hate when that happens. -.-
[10/17/2015 10:29:33 AM] Johnny Zwei: The fact that its grounded in reality, maybe having a different level of technology, still means that it'll take a while to heal from a fight.

And you know, secret identities, and plans and whatnot.
Moreover. What makes it interesting is that its not just a 1v1 mindgame battle. Its got multiple sides to it.
[10/17/2015 10:30:51 AM] Johnny Zwei: Deus just wants a good show, something to pass the time with and hopefully develop his new rival more.
Cass wants justice, return things to their rightful owners and put arrogant people and criminals down a peg or two.
Narcissa wants her fame and fortune to continue to grow.
Gale, he's part of the governement, he wants justice, but through the current laws.
[10/17/2015 10:31:16 AM] Johnny Zwei: and then of course, those are just the big players, sure there's sides to be taken, but the fact that everyone kinda expresses their thoughts on it makes it more...interesting?
[10/17/2015 10:35:39 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): Glad that's working there big time! And do plan to keep that as a series constant with each scheme and things going on, multiple people trying to run their plans and Cass adapting all the time. Hopefully the intrigue and suspense remains strong for you throughout!

Alright, switching back over to characters, Augustus Wynn! What's your thoughts on him as of now and his relationship with Cass?
[10/17/2015 10:45:20 AM] Johnny Zwei: He's pretty cool. Dunno why he's loyal to her other than that they go way back. Perhaps that'll be explained more. As far as planning goes, he's the muscle, but Casss still runs things by him to make sure she's not overlooking something anyone who thinks of simple solutions can't easily get to. I can't wait for him to get some more screentime, but I sure hope he doesn't wind up crushing on Cass. Simply because you've told me the canon ship. (I think I might erase that bit from the review tho)

Also, I can't wait for you to write that bit where we see it from his POV when has to flirt with Narcissa lel
[10/17/2015 10:45:50 AM] Johnny Zwei: ah, speaking of Narcissa again, is that her given name? Cause its kinda funny how she acts narcissistic and her name is that
[10/17/2015 10:49:35 AM] Thieves R Us/Reynard Fox (Liar Game): Yep, it is indeed her given name. XD I'm "subtle" with names sometimes. D Like Cassidy Cain means Cunning Beauty.

And I will say upfront here that Cass & Wynn's love for one another is purely platonic both ways. As for his loyalty... well, it'll be fun exploring Wynn's past. D I will say that in the coming chapter you'll get just a little more to work with (probably the most important piece), but been dropping small elements
10/14/2015 c4 4M1zz
Thoughts on Narcissa Richmond as of meeting her?

She's the best. Seriously, she's so over the top with all the yelling and stuff. I love her. Like...her yelling in the middle of her sentences. And all of her adjectives in front of her title. It's great. I love her.

Enjoy the overall first exchange between the two?

Yes! I hope it continues!

Thoughts on Cassidy's implementation of a propostional con & how she exploited the pieces Narcissa herself setup to use agaist Cass?

Hm, I'm not too sure. Like, using Narcissa's arrogance agaisnt her. But I'm not sure how the con works in Cass's favor. Like, how does that work? Does it just mess with Narcissa's mind and make her unsure of herself? So I'm interested in that thought process there.

Also, I am curious, what are your thoughts on the emphasis on excecuting on plans & social engineering throughout this so far instead of just straightforward violence?

I like it. Even though Cass has said that this con doesn't go the way she planned I do feel as though Narcissa is an "easy target" and as such a good way to show Cass's skills, in an easy to umderstand manner. It's difficult but not so difficult that the author (you) have to dumb down EVERYTHING in order for Cass to win. (Kinda like Starship Troopers 2). So, while I like a good old fist fight this is fun to watch.

Finally, as always, anything else you want to say?

Hm...not too much this time. Didn’t notice any spelling errors or things of that nature. But if I think of anything I'll Skype you or something.
10/13/2015 c17 1Kazulous
A semi-cleaned up version of our Skype Convo, with spoilers and other chit chat cut out, as requested:-

Thieves: Your thoughts on her so far as lead, now that having refreshed? About the same or anything new there? Plan to delve more there, but starting here!

Kaz: I don't think my views have changed much on her. The rich genius with a lot of time on her hands. Reminds me of Batman.

Thieves: Alright, with her relationships so far shown, how do you feel about the execution of each one?

Kaz: : I'm not sure how to answer that. I didn't feel anything wrong with them, but I can see where her world view conflicts and creates a barrier to many others in her life. Just like Batman- Deus being her Joker.

Thieves: Alright, still, glad that since of distance still comes across well and more there. Alright, plot wise, with progression of things so far, how are you feeling there as things go on?

Kaz: Well the pace is fine for me. It has more mind games and theory than I'm used to, but I suppose that comes with the territory. I wonder sometimes though if the characters overanalyze, or if I’m too simple.

Thieves R Us: Neither and both? That's just what Cass does really.

Kaz: Sorta like the consequences if someone pretended to be her and did gruesome shit under that persona. Especially with the current arc, I suppose. I like to think people hypothesizing about what happens next makes them more invested in you anyway

Thieves R Us: Oh not a problem, I'm glad it does make you theorize as I like for the story to provoke thought- LMAO, was about to say just about that. And that actually was going to lead into question of do the way things go overall invoke whole feelings of mystery, suspense, and intrigue.

Kaz: I guess it does then?

Thieves R Us: Sounds like it.

Thieves R Us: Alright, keeping with characters, current thoughts on Gale? As an individual and as an obstacle for Cass.

Kaz: He's obviously captain fabulous who reigns from Fabulopolis- Gale reminds me a lot of those Staunch idealists that believe in absolutes and have little room for flexibility in their mindset. I generally don't mix well with these guys myself so I tend to tease them. As an obstacle for Cass I see him as more a monkey wrench most of the time. A fabulous monkey wrench, old spice and all.

Thieves R Us: I guess that answers who you're rooting for!

Kaz: I can see where he's coming from regarding Cass, but giving her a license to steal isn't really changing what she does, only who she works for. At least, that's what it looks like to me. And trying to tie a leash around someone who embodies egoism is probably the worst thing to do.

Thieves R Us: You're not the only one to feel that way there, especially on first half. I've heard a bit on calling him a hypocrite given that she would still be doing the same thing, just for them. Hopefully the logic behind why Gale doesn't think this is wrong comes through at least even if you have your own views, which I still welcome big time as I like people to think for themselves with the series. Oh yeah and speaking of that, on philosophical side, what do you think of Cass' ideals so far from all shown there? IS SHE TRUE JUSTICE?!

Kaz: Well it’s a fine line between deciding whether or not her vision of justice is shared with the majority, and if she should act on her own belief despite not playing by the rules. I suppose I’m on the fence. I know the law isn't perfect. But big power is big responsibility. Sort of like be careful not to crash and burn.

Thieves R Us: Glad to hear there actually just given the intended grayness and danger there. Oh and as of now, do you feel Cass leans more anti-heroine or anti-villainess?

Kaz: I think Cass leans more on the anti-hero spectrum. She believes in noble ideals, but she's willing to bend rules to get results, so long as they don't intrude on her own beliefs.

Thieves R Us: Alright, good to hear there! And on the matter of likability, does she over have that with you in spite of her flaws?

Kaz: I’m more interested in her schemes than the character herself. It’s the same approach I have with Batman and how he deals with his own monsters. I don't hate her though.

Thieves R Us: Which is fine by me there, especially since her schemes are meant to be one of her appeals! Well that and it definitely says that the intrigue side is working there then.

Kaz: Well, I don't usually say I 'like' a character, though innately I guess if I don't say anything bad about them I've come to assume I like them in the end.

Thieves R Us: Makes sense to me there! Alright, let's see, what else... alright, Narcissa, opinion about the same as before or anything to add there?

Kaz: Narcissa seems bipolar to me. She's smart and stupid at the same time. It’s rather amazing, really.

Thieves R Us: Do go on there!

Kaz: I suppose it’s because she's too easy to manipulate. In the story, once she starts trusting herself she generally surprises people, like the Code with her sister and the act on the train. But she's too easily roped by opinion. So her intuition gets muddled by other people’s words. The best example I can think of is if Rommel decided to listen to Hitler's advice unquestioned instead of trusting himself.

Thieves R Us: Do really like way you put that there actually! Huh, I wonder if this one thing comes across well with her. Narcissa is meant to fit whole trope of Inferiority Superiority Complex.

Kaz: It’s interesting because if Narcissa didn't have her inferiority complex, she would've been an incredibly dangerous opponent... if her intuition is as trustworthy as it seems so far.

Thieves R Us: It should be pretty obvious in those times at least how she did get where she is, aside from the actual means she uses.

Kaz: Haha.

Thieves R Us: I think a huge irony is that if she was following her own intuition alone, she wouldn't be messing with Cassidy to begin with.

Kaz: A reformed Narcissa would be incredibly interesting to see in hindsight, but Deus is a bigger threat at the moment I guess. The formless opponent.

Thieves R Us: Which, of course, brings to thoughts on Deus so far!

Kaz: Deus reminds me of Joker, lol. I don't have much of an opinion on him yet because I haven't 'seen' him do the crimes he's supposedly done. More like third party opinions so I'm simply complying to the common belief. He's an intriguing element though.

Thieves R Us: Do you feel there is a good balance in the series of Cass being legitimately challenged and being competent?

Kaz: Sure. I don't see a need for her to completely crash and burn yet. I mean, her original plans never come to fruition anyway. It’s like watching Mission Impossible. He doesn't lose, but he fucks up a lot.

Thieves R Us: Also, thinking on this, any points of criticism you can think on that you feel I should improve on as a storyteller or a writer?

Kaz: As for criticism, I don't have much really. It’s pretty solid as it stands, and though there are those parts that feel overanalyzed I think it’s just part of the turf you're exploring.

Thieves R Us: Excellent then, glad to hear it there so far! And hmm... oh, another character, Rebecca, your thoughts on her so far from debut scene and build up so far to her taking back spotlight?

Kaz: Becca is cute. That's the long and short of it to me. She's like that mix between the affectionate seductress and the wise wife. Probably an interesting element to Cass, since Cass loves to analyze and strategize. Becca probably provides that enigmatic element of spontaneity that gives her that chemical spice.

Thieves R Us: OH! This whole game Cass has been playing to protect her identity, what you think of her moves so far? Particularly the one where she announced she's a person of interest?

Kaz: Well identity wise people are going to point fingers. I’m just waiting for when it becomes an inevitability to cross that bridge. The best thief never gets known for doing it, but she’s riding the spotlight. To me she's less a thief and more a liberal show star.

Thieves R Us: She's not just a thief; she's a PHANTOM THIEF! But I actually do agree there and more her showy side at times.

Kaz: Heh, sounds like something Deus would say to degrade her, but I meant no malice.

Thieves R Us: OH! How about Rae? Hadn't asked about her yet.

Kaz: Dunno. She looks set up to be the person who betrays or the person who redeems, if that makes sense.

Thieves R Us: Oh yeah, gotcha there! Thinking, who else to touch o- ...HOW DID I MISS WYNN OF ALL PEOPLE?!

Kaz: Well I also forgot until you mentioned him.

Thieves R Us: That means he's doing his job blending in well.

Kaz: He acts as a nice second opinion. The nagging nanny that rounds out her perspective.

Thieves R Us: Oh and to make sure, does fact Wynn is an introvert and intentionally trying to stay out of the spotlight like Cass is come across well? I worry about it sometimes since I feel he can seem more background than he really is, but it's intentional until Cass needs him to step up.

Kaz: Well I feel Wynn is the more cautious of the two. Even though it’s his job to be, he does blend into the background exceptionally well.

Thieves R Us: Thinking, what else, what else... OH! Edan, how about on him so far?

Kaz: Who was that again?

Thieves R Us: Cass' grandfather!

Kaz: Oh, Sir. Sir is pretty cool. That swagpa who lives by his own terms. Gonna live forever, drinking booze and hacking computers.

Thieves R Us: I guess it's pretty clear with him as her mentor why Cassidy is how she is. Alright, first, do the chapters feel well paced to you? Also, do the read fast or, well, what's overall rate of speed for you there? The other thing, with the actual content, does it feel varied in its own thing? Like, does each chapter feel like expanding and exploring a different side of thing and always building on what came before while offering up another facet?

Kaz: I don't mind the size and pace of the chapters personally. They feel right, considering
10/10/2015 c1 5Evelyn Baker
I love heist stories, and I look forward to how you tackle the genre. This was a solid first chapter; you do a good job introducing the characters. I like that we started off at the end of a job; it lets us know that Cass is both a good thief and an altruistic one.
10/8/2015 c3 4M1zz
What are your thoughts on Cassidy's approach to preparing for the job?

Well, I thought it was very detailed. She seemed to think of everything and plan for it. Part of me feels like her sneaking into Mr. Perkins was a tad tol easy, but I also don't live in an area where there's a..."calm" like there was in this chapter. But I know places like that exist so it's not unreal or anything like that.

What's your first impression of Rebecca Maddox?

Rebecca seems like a bouncy sort of girl. Don't know how I feel about her 100% since this is her first apperance (like bouncy people can be super fun or super annoying) but so far so good. And on a sidenote, I do hope we get more of her. Like, I'm all about female friendships in fiction so I wanna see more of them. Oh! I also like that she's a fan of The Grandmaster. It's a nice little charactrr moment.

How about Rae Crawford?

Rae is on the other end of the spectrum. She seems cool and monotone (at least that's what her voice sounded like in my head). I'm also glad that she's billed as this combat expert. Another thing I'm all about is ladies who can totally kick someone's ass in fiction, so her first impression is real good. I also like her opinion on The Grandmaster. One, it's a good contrast to Becca but it also makes complete sense with her brother who's apart of the royal guard and all that. She’s cool and I hope there's more of her.

What are your overall thoughts on Cass' relationships with them? What about their relationship with one another?

I think I got a bit better sense of these ladies relationships with each other than I did withCassidy and Wynn. It's obvious that Cassidy values each of these girl for more than just their skills (I'm not trying to say that she doesn't value Wynn beyond his skills, but just from their first interactions in the previous chapter I didn’t see it as much as I see it here) and that she doesn't want to put eother girl in a tough situation. Her reasons for not telling them about her being The Grandmaster make a lot of sense, not wanting to put her friends in a tough spot (even though she made it sound like Raewouldn't be in a rough spot).

Thoughts on learning a bit of Narcissa's backstory before her official debut?

Eh. *shrugs* She's not terrible (I mean, she is bit you kow what I mean). I want to hear her speak some more, lol. Did she actually leak the sex tape because that answer will definitely alter my opinion on her. But yeah. Still a bitch I like.

Speaking of backstory, thoughts on that small peek into Cass' backstory? Any guesses as to what happened between Cassidy & Wynn?

It interest me. I think they got into like...some kind of spar. Or...or maybe she was trying to con him and he got her angry? I do like the littke exerpt about anger from her grandfather. It's not anything particularly new but it is well said and fitd in withthe situation.

Any other comments, questions, or criticisms?

I really liked how Cassidy got Mr. Perkins on her side by appealing to his conscience. It was a nice moment.

"My nose pinched" - What does that mean?

"...Cain Manor that Lovis." - I am also confused by what this means.

"...soft mats laid out just in case, floor tiles which cushion well..." - Is the "floor tiles" bit talking about the soft mats? Or is it a typo about how floor tiles are actually terrible cushions?
10/4/2015 c2 9cmaej
Well, Chapter 3’s review is here in Chapter 2… sorry.

What are your thoughts on Cassidy's approach to preparing for the job?

Too much chocolate will make you fat…
Oh. You don’t mean that. XD

She seems to be preparing pretty well, the details are not so in-depth that the exposition gets boring.

What's your first impression of Rebecca Maddox?
Moe. ‘Nuff said. Though… I don’t think there is magic in your universe. I’m pretty sure Rebecca was just practicing some sort of illusionary trick with Cassidy. Surprisingly, that would be cooler than just a simple magic explanation.

How about Rae Crawford?
Quite surprised that she would turn Cassidy in without much of a thought. Is she a tool like her brother? Meh. It’s not fair to judge her so quickly. She’s like that girl who is always glaring in that group of anime chicks.

What are your overall thoughts on Cass' relationships with them? What about their relationship with one another? I like how they don’t know that Cassidy is the Grandmaster. It’s like when Peter Parker has to listen to debate on whether Spiderman is a good or bad guy with his colleagues. XD

I don’t really know what this means about Cassidy. Does keeping such a big secret from her friends bother her, or are they just mere allies in her schemes?

Thoughts on learning a bit of Narcissa's backstory before her official debut?
I called it! Kardashian wannabe! Seriously… No shame in showing her ass on the internet, no moral values, and omg, she is so ghetto for a rich bitch. She screams daddy issues.

Speaking of backstory, thoughts on that small peek into Cass' backstory? Any guesses as to what happened between Cassidy & Wynn?

Cassidy lost at a chess game against Wynn. Cassidy raged-quit, flipping the table in the most dramatic fashion possible. Even if Wynn and Cassidy may be childhood friends, I’m not shipping, yet.
10/4/2015 c3 cmaej
What are your thoughts on all the maneuvering so far from both sides & how I've started out focusing more on the cerebral side?

You mean going from third-person to first? I backtracked to see if there was an actual change. XD

I hope to have a good balance of mind games and action. The planning, predicting, and gathering allies makes everything realistic. So, in short, focusing on the cerebral side isn't a bad thing at all.

Are you able to follow and understand Cassidy's assessments & planning? What are your thoughts on Cassidy's plan?

I understand, though I’m surprised this Narcissa woman didn’t just keep the entire train for herself so no one suspicious will reserve a car. You know? Like what Beyonce did to the public hospital when she had her baby. *nuked*

As for Cassidy’s plan, it seems that Wynn is needed to be that plan “b” guy when she gets over-confident. I do wonder what makes Wynn so loyal, since it’s plain to see that he’s not the average thug.

What's your overall response to Wynn so far & his relationship with Cass as shown in this chapter?

Wynn’s character actually helped me understand Cassidy’s character better. She comes of as no-nonsense, but given Wynn’s attempt at humor, she’s more chillaxed than she lets on. He personally knows her real limits and pushes it. I honestly like how I can get to know Cassidy through him. It’s like being a fly on the wall in the batcave, listening in on Batman and Robin’s private discussions, and learning more about Bruce Wayne because he lets his persona down around Robin.

No shipping, yet. ;)

Your thoughts so far on how I've been trying to use the setting to express Cass' character?

Her interaction with Wynn, the way she handled that greedy train conductor, her obvious legal and underground knowledge, and a glimpse of her in action (breaking and entering)… nice.

Do you feel sympathetic towards The Grandmaster side right now? If so, what did it for you?

I’m still on the fence. Yes, her actions helps a group of people with little political power, but is there an ulterior motive? Does her actions also help her as an heiress to a prestigious company? Possibly. Would it sway me to root for her or not? Maybe. I still need to know the reason why she wants to murda. I enjoy a good, well-rounded proteg. Being a good guy for the hell of it will be a pain of an MC to endure.

Any other questions, criticisms, or comments?

I was confused about the social status of your story, Thieves. It seemed that it was socially acceptable to steal, and the better you are, the higher your status. Sorta like how everyone in the Naruto universe are ninjas. Well, thank you Chapter 2, for clearing that up. XD
10/4/2015 c12 6Darth Zannacross
Mostly more mind games today with new players that's impact is unsure, but Cassidy admits she is arrogant. Eh, we will see, mostly boring chapter for me though.
10/4/2015 c1 9cmaej
What is your first impression of this series?

It totally reminds that book I recommended. I hope to see some suspense, thrills, and maybe some murda. I’m expecting mind games similar to Death Note. That would be a breath of fresh air.

What is your first impression of Cassidy Cain?

Very confident, no-nonsense woman. May actually prove to be her undoing. Seemingly very detailed, and I would imagine her room to be EXTREMELY organized. She would probably work better with someone who is more personal to counteract her statistical way of thinking. When I say “statistical way of thinking”, I guess I can see her calculating the brain synopsis of every person she meets; their likelihood of being duped and whatnot.

How about Gerard Turner so far? What are your thoughts on him?

I can definitely see him as the fish-out-of-water of the group. He’ll be the only voice of reason when shit hits the fan and would find the most moral why out of a horrid situation. Of course, I also see him as the butt of cruel jokes simply because of his stance. Kind of like how Brief is in “Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt” (why the hell did I use that show as an example? orz).

The story surrounding Adora's Tear, what do you think about that?

The first chapter slowed down significantly, but the backstory of Adora’s Tear saved it. It reclaimed my interest, and also gave me some insight on the politics of the world you made up.

Your thoughts on Narcissa Richmond so far as she's setup to be the antagonist?

I didn’t think she was going to be the story’s antagonist. I just thought she will be one of several of Cassidy’s “victims”. She reminds me of some spoiled Kardashian, so I kind of dismissed her.
10/4/2015 c2 20DevilPogoStick
Okay, I got to admit, a lot of thought has been put in this chapter and it shows.

I forgot the details of Cassidy being a Robin Hood type of character but it's growing on me. I do love how she explains what truly makes a thief more than a mere burglar. Also like that while Cassidy did say Richmond is kind of weirdo of sorts (since she made an open challenge and what not), she did make things a lot more difficult than it should be with the heist, kudos to that.

I honestly can't be as fully detailed as that, as a lot of my works tend to be very straight forward (though I guess none of my major characters are adults XD) but I am enjoying the complex nature of this story.

Keep it up!
10/4/2015 c1 DevilPogoStick
...Why can't I just nap for an hour and not sleep for freaking hours? :(

Well, I must say, this is a very interesting set up and I didn't expect this to be a how we got here type of beginning...Nice. XD

I admit I was confused over what Cassidy Cain (...I am reminded of the Batman character Cassandra Cain LOL) being a heir to a international conglomerate yet is also a thief that sounds rather well known (to the point a disguised is warranted). I mean...Lupin the Third is heir to an Empire to most versions of him but it's a Criminal Empire. I hope you see what I mean by this since I suck at explaining. XD

Nevertheless, hope to read more of Cassidy's story! :)

Keep up the good work!
10/3/2015 c11 6Darth Zannacross
So, another reunion with Gale. Gale is a sharp one, though, everyone thinks they are Batman in this story. Still, Cass keeps puffing hot air , one of theses days someone is going to call her out, at least they better. Well, Gale did not let her off that easily at least. Well, guess we will see how Cass's adaptation to the plan goes.

Eh, my thoughts on Wynn, not sure how he lasted this long if he cracks as soon as things get a little shaky, I guess he will be appeased by things, going according to plan, we will see.
10/3/2015 c10 Darth Zannacross
Grandfather is in the biz to? This is nearly a family affair like with Jojo lol. So, we are not done with Narcissa, damn it all I thought we were done with that blowhard. I don't know about the" Grand master" not being cocky, she all ready got duped once and her grandfather does have quite a lot of experience over her. Did not think they would try and get back on her vie legal means, guess we will see, seems we might even get a whole thieves party going on here, Assassins Creed like almost lol.

The plan with Deus seems to just look out for leads at the moment. I have no idea what will unfold , maybe a dragon will crash the party and steal the tear for itself, highly unlikely but, more insane things have happened.
10/3/2015 c17 Darinas
Well, after several chapters of preparation, things are starting to move. I admit I liked this chapter, though I suspect it was a bit too easy so far; something else will probably happen. I kinda feel bad for Elizabeth, though; while her sister is a horrible person, I can sympathize with wanting to protect someone from your family. Well, at least, that was done without violence.
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