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for The Confessions of Cassidy Cain (Grandmaster of Theft 1)

9/23/2015 c6 2Aske Nat
It's a bit hard to think of Narcissa as an antagonist now that we know the truth; she's more like a tool than anything. But I still her character. She served her purpose well.

I'm not sure on what to think of Gale. As of now, he's just a dude on the roof.
9/23/2015 c5 Aske Nat
I hope this doesn't mean that we won't see much more of Narcissa - I actually like her character quite a lot. Still, I like when stories are layered like this and the main character is forced to peel away each layer to get to the bottom of things. I also enjoyed how you built this up to be an epic heist and then the whole thing turns out to be just a minor pitstop on the road to something bigger. And I am most definitely curious as to who Deus is.
9/23/2015 c4 Aske Nat
YES! All the way through this chapter, I kept thinking, “Ace Attorney, Ace Attorney, what the hell is that character from Ace Attorney called again?” Redd White, of course.

I like Narcissa, but I also find her extremely annoying. On one hand, I want her to fail so spectacularly that she will forever hide away her voice from the public, but one the other, I don’t want her gone entirely. She is the character that you love to hate. Also, I love how extreme she is compared to Cassidy as that really highlights how down-to-earth the Grandmaster really is. Polar opposites, comes to mind.

The way Cassidy dealt with meeting Narcissa was clever – not the most innovative idea, but clever nonetheless, and I can’t figure out a better way to so, so that worked very well. Also, using psychology instead of violence is, to me, always more interesting. Anyone can pack a punch, but wielding words is a lot harder.

I’m getting more and more excited about this. After meeting Narcissa, I hope there’ll be an opportunity for someone to yell, “OBJECTION.” Just because.
9/23/2015 c3 Aske Nat
Both Rebecca and Rae seem like interesting characters with well-developed background stories, but their appearance feels a bit random to me. It makes sense that Cassidy needs more information on Narciassa, but I don’t understand why she would feel the need to train her hand-to-hand before knowing whether or not her adversary has any training as well. Now, if that training session had been planned AFTER finding out that Narcissa might be a bigger threat in the regard than previously presumed, it would have made sense to me. But until mentioned, I would always assume that Cassidy had the upper hand considering her background. However, doing it like you’ve done it shows that Cassidy always tries to cover all her bases, which I actually like. So this is really just a case of ‘on one hand, one the other hand’. I might not find it the most logical approach, but then again, I’m not a master thief (of course not, that would be preposterous), and I think this whole chapter shows some important character traits of Cassidy.

I like how you’ve chosen to introduce Narcissa in snippets. We’ve talked a lot about how to deliver information in a story, and this is one of the ways that I find most interesting because the snippets come within proper context. In this chapter, you tell a little about her in contrast to Rebecca, which makes a bigger impact, because you get two sides of the same coin.

I really enjoyed reading this chapter, and the only thing I would recommend would be to ease back a bit on the amount of physical descriptions. To me, their exact heights and such seem a bit irrelevant. But, you know how I feel about stuff like that, so that might just be me.
9/16/2015 c2 Aske Nat
I'm not entirely sure what to think of Narcissa's challenge. She does it for publicity, but it feels more personal than that, what with they way she is specifically targeting The Grandmaster. Also, the way Cassidy reacts doesn't really fit with the image I had from reading the first chapter. There, she seemed organized and meticulous, but here - she talks about not looking like cowards, but I'm not sure why she would care.

Anyway, I still really like the chapter; it wasn't as information-heavy as the first, and telling through dialogue has always been my cup of tea. We even got to see a bit more personality from Wynn, which was nice. I'm curious as to how that relationship came about.

All in all, I enjoyed it very much!
9/6/2015 c1 Aske Nat
One thing I really liked about this, was the very first description of Cassidy; I thought it very clever and natural to describe her appearance in the context of what her disguise was hiding. Other than that, you have a very nice, well-written flow, though there were a few missing and words and typos here and there, but nothing truly disruptive.

I'm not the biggest fan of a huge amount of background info in a story, and this was definitely heavy on that, but it did show that you are working with a very well developed work, which was great.

Nice job.
8/20/2015 c1 1echogirlcapri
HEY OMG SOMEONE ELSE DOES GRQs?!

Sorry, I just find it sooooo much easier to review when there are questions. By the way, in case you didn't remember, this is Cap doing your illustration and it should be drawn by this weekend but I may have a little bit of trouble posting it :( Anyway, found the scene, got a pic in my head, etc. Gonna try and start a illustration forum... But wait, enough about me!

Caper story: Not sure why it's a manga fiction?
I like the mysterious mood, but - and this is just me, obvs - I'd see the caper/crime element and get pulled into the story faster if it started out as a scene of action, maybe? Where she's actually stealing something?
Still, I do like that you invoke the Robin-Hood-esque morals right away, since I think it'll come to define Cassidy as a character.
Just out of curiousity, is Adora's Tear a real thing?

FIrst impress of Cassidy: Wily. Fox-like, like her eyes. (Oh and a nit-picky thing, I noticed you said "foxes" about her eyes when it should be "fox's").

Gerard: Clueless goon XD No, I'm kidding.

Favorite line: "I am by no means a child" because I get asked all the time if I'm a freshman 0.o

Pretty good first chapter, coming from someone who NEVER reads this genre :P

CHeers,
Cap

PS Sorry that my reivews are so sporadic. I got some severe dyslexia... -_-
8/9/2015 c1 17cud-b-better
Well a good starting point, truth be told I was kind of expecting the opening chapter to be some heist to demonstrate her abilities but it was thoroughly interesting. Anyway considering you're asking questions in A/N it's only polite to answer them:

What is your first impression of the series & premise?
Interesting, the concept doesn't astound me as anything original, but going by the title of the story I'm kind of wondering whether this is going to be in a similar type of thing like Interview with a vampire. Cassidy telling of the crimes she's already committed rather than doing more. If so this story will probably not have any suspense to it.

Did this prologue overall draw you into the story?
It certainly did, the very fact you appear to have made a religion (I'm not sure whether it truly exists) tells me just how much thought you've put into this. You've also done an excellent job in capturing the minds of the characters, the priest somewhat wanting to escape but wishes to abide by his duty.

What is your first impression of Cassidy Cain both as herself and in relation to being a thief?
She just strikes me as someone who creates and follows her own sense of justice like any type of vigilante but even though she breaks the law it doesn't appear that she considers herself entirely above it.

How about Gerard Turner?
Well I covered a bit about him above, but I'd say he's the dedicated type that believes no crime is unredeemable, he may just be the perfect foil for Cas who resorts to crime for the greater good. I'm still not entirely sure what kind of role he's going to play though.

The story surrounding Adora's Tear what do you think about that?
It just seems to me like a typical religious artifact gone missing in the distant past.

Your thoughts on Narcissa Richmond as far as she's setup to be the antagonist?
I feel as though she could be the thief's biggest threat. Even if she were to steal the jewel and return it to the church on paper she is the owner and it'll just come back to her. Well she's just coming over as a money grubbler trying to milk out the desperate.

Anyway so far so good. Still not sure what kind of format you're going for but only time will tell.
8/5/2015 c8 3Psykofreac
Nice philosophical debate there, it's cool how you have some of Cas' adversary to be good people with different ideals. I also like how you didn't let her run out so easily after her confrontation with Narcissa. Her threatening Gale over his katana was a nice trick I guess, though I'm a little iffy on taking advantage of his honor.
7/24/2015 c7 Psykofreac
I have to admit the confrontation with Narcissa seemed a little... anti-climactic and her easy surrender also seemed a little contradictory to her willingness to put money on the table earlier. Though this case seems to be more of setting up the plot for the bigger events later on. At least we got a hype for Deus as a villain and it's a pretty good one particularly how afraid Narcissa is.

Well if Narcissa is willing to change her ways, best of luck to her.
7/2/2015 c5 20hazelnutbrew
I have to say that Cassidy is brilliant and she manages to maneuver around Narcissa effectively. That was a delight to read, and I love seeing Cass use her wits and sharp thinking while making a spectacle to put Narcissa on the spot. That was well-played. Though I have to say, maybe I'm one of the rare few people that finds Narcissa amusing and amazing rather than annoying. There's just something about her that is intriguing, and I love her grandiose speeches and her bravado about confronting the Grandmaster. She definitely has a lot of guts, and she lives for the spotlight. A good villain to start off with, I think, though I sense that there are deeper machinations behind this. I won't reveal it, though, because I've been privy to some spoilers for your series, but it's still fun to see the plot unfold in your actual writing. Very good, I have to say.

I also love Wynnie. I just like his laidback demeanor and his contrast to Cassidy Cain. Cass in general is a great protagonist, and I just love how intelligent she is. Her dialogue in first person perspective is well-written, and we get to see the well-lubricated machine of her mind. The exchange between Cassidy and Narcissa was wonderful-like I said, Cass taking advantage of the situation of Narcissa gathering an audience and using it against her was wonderful. And she certainly knows the psychology of manipulating people and working them into her favor.

Overall, a very good read, and I can't wait to read more of this story!
6/22/2015 c6 3Psykofreac
At least Narcissa's calmed down a bit, I'm not sure, maybe she just likes to act over the top. I don't think Narcissa is simply just handing over the tear, I mean at least either her earlier or present act is false. The letter... First I wonder what was the point of sending a message in code when she couldn't count on Cassidy to understand it.

I'm guessing maybe as a bluff in case, she's someone who's familiar with the key or as a wild goose chase to distract Cass. Well the frequency analysis shows the characters to be fairly spread out, not too much so I'm not sure. Might be a genuine code, but haven't solved it yet.

Other than that, the foreshadowing of Dues was actually pretty well done.
6/13/2015 c5 Psykofreac
Narcissa's personality was rather... unexpected. Well now that you mentioned it, she is kind of similar to Redd White though still lacking something of his. I mean, White was over the top mainly with his "No one matters but me" kind of douchebaggery.

Cassidy's plan to stick out like a sore thumb is indeed counter-intuitive, but it would be cool if it adds up well in the end. Also...

"Oh I wouldn't hazard the thought. I abhor debacles such as this shall become."

"WH-WHAT?!"

"I…abhor…debacles…such as this…shall become."

You really had too much Liar Game haven't you? XD
6/12/2015 c4 Psykofreac
Have to admit, it was sort of vague for now. I'll see how this part plays in later.
6/8/2015 c3 Psykofreac
Rebecca's my favorite character at the moment. Not that I don't like Cassidy as well, but Bec's just so funny and full of life. I like her joke with Rae's negative energy.

I quite like Cassidy's thoughts on the weaknesses in any system is the human element, though I think her plan to exploit it is a little costly. -w-

Now with recent character interactions, I'm getting more of the feeling of batman but with a yatagarasu style thief. You know, with the whole some like them as heroes but others hate them as criminals thing? XD
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