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for The Confessions of Cassidy Cain (Grandmaster of Theft 1)

5/24/2015 c13 14Virtuella
“Thoughts on how everything is proceeding with Cassidy & Gale so far?” I’m a little confused. Cassidy’s reaction to him saying he’d observe her during the lunch indicates that this is an unpleasant surprise to her, but why would it be, since she knew he was coming? I liked it that she decided to “imagine Gale as less of a hazard to overcome and more of an asset.” A good attitude of playing the hand you’re dealt.

“what's your thoughts on Vincent Sharpe?” Full of himself, though otherwise bland.

“I believe that we should all have an accurate measurement of ourselves, both in strengths and weaknesses.” Very good, a truly Aristotelian attitude. And Cassidy does indeed come across less arrogant in this chapter, with her reflections on the vulnerability of her plans.
5/24/2015 c2 3Psykofreac
Cassidy's plan definitely sounds risky, it reminds me of when I thought nothing was simple. You know, like a game of rock paper scissors where just say one of those three has a higher payoff but it's still difficult to decide which is the best pick? Yeah, kind of I get that feeling about Cassidy's overt covert plan. I'll see how it turns out. n_n;

I think there was a little too much exposition at the beginning of the chapter, maybe not everything was necessary to be said right away, I don't know. Wynn's character and his questioning Cassidy's plan just makes me think "Watson", also how he ends up having faith in her despite showing some doubt before. They also had some good interactions and could crack some nice jokes sometimes.
5/22/2015 c1 Psykofreac
The concept of the grandmaster thief quite reminds me of the Yatagarasu from AAI so far. XD

Or at least dealing with the theme of extremist vigilantes like batman, interested in seeing how you handle it with Cassidy. Though she's interesting so far, Gerard and everything he does seems exactly what me and I think many readers would expect. Not much on Narcissa so far, hopefully you'll explore her more later along with other interesting characters and cases.

Your narrative is mostly good with only few parts a little iffy. Like the bit about Gerard thinking of calling Wynn a thug and we got that it would have offended Cassidy. Unless Cassidy could tell what he was thinking in some way, and it might have helped to point it out, I don't think we got that information from any point of view. It became a little more like reading up facts rather than experiencing the story. Sorry it's just a small thing, don't mean to sound like I'm nitpicking, though it is ironic considering your stance on first person.

Other than that, not so much to critic on but it is just the beginning so far. I look forward to see where the story goes and how worthy my rival is. n_n
5/17/2015 c12 EMLR
Question 1: Alright, what you think of Cassidy so far from everything shown there?

raw, unprocessed thoughts on Cassidy: AAAAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAAaaaAAAAAaaAAAAaaAAAaaAAAaaahhhHHHHHhhhhHHHHhhhhhh

processed thoughts: OMG WOW I LOVE THE DIVIDE BETWEEN HER EXTERIOR AND INTERIOR AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FIRST PERSON NARRATION. I think the rare moments when she decides to externalize even a hint of her emotions (like smirking) are SO VALUABLE like AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Question 2: What you think of things with Wynn and her?
BROTP. that's how I see it at least X'D Except not in the conventional broski sense more like in the literal YES I AM YOUR OLDER BROTHER AND YOU ARE MY TOMBOY YOUNGER SISTER WITH CRAZY-ASS IDEAS THAT I HUMOR FOR SOME ODD REASON

Question 3: What are your thoughts on the portrayal of Cassidy & Rebecca’s relationship?
Cass and Becca? I really really like the hints in the interlude, like if there's an observable change in Cass's demeanor it's gotta be HUGE but the stuff in the beginning YOU SHIP TEASE AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH "OTL
ahem a little too overexcited
why did you ever think Becca and Cass were just friends I'm on chapter one and I'm just like SHIIIIIIIIPPPPP XD THEY'RE SO CUTE AAAAHHHH

Question 4: Do you think Cassidy is more hero or villain? And, if you can answer, why?
From my point of view, she's more of a hero because she minimizes the harm she does, even when she works in a moral gray area. Tbh for me, the best good a human can do is doing no harm.

Question 5: Your thoughts on Narcissa as a whole as the mark? XD Oh and what you think about what she did on the train and the whole reveal?

THAT BITCH If I had a run-in with someone like her it'd be hard for me not to break her neck _

Question 6: What's your thoughts on Deus?
I WANNA KNOW MORE! He reminds me of Control Freak from Teen Titans except Deus actually seems competent

Question 7: Thoughts on Gale Crawford & his relationship with Cass?
They feel like really close cousins

Question 8: Thoughts on Edan Cain?

Question 9: What do you think about all the planning and stuff that goes on in the series?
5/13/2015 c12 Rosie

I absolutely love the moments when Cass chooses to break her cool facade and actually express a little of her emotions AAAAHHHHHHH

And the part of the interlude where the priest notices her change in demeanor when she talks about Becca makes her feel so tangible because she's not just a facade, she's human and she has her own vulnerabilities and seeing that small display of weakness in her illusion is just so great and AAAAHHHH

So yeah, I'm really loving this story; please update soon!
5/4/2015 c12 14Virtuella
“What's your response to Gale's deductions & maneuvering so far?” The deduction is solid policing. Coming to Cass to confront her, not so much – a good detective should have had more evidence. But then his personal connection with her makes it believable.

“How about to Cass' counters to Gale in the moment as well as her end plan to stop him?” Her bluff comes across really convincingly. It’s James Bond style spectacular stuff and in comparison what she actually did seems way too simple. I buy it that gale believes it.

“Your thoughts on how Wynn reacted to everything?” He comes across much more as an individual in this chapter. It’s the first time he seems more to me than just a generic sidekick.

“Are you curious to learn more about who Wynn was before he became Cass' bodyguard & partner in crime?” I hadn’t really given any thought to this yet.

“Also, your thoughts on how Cass handled Wynn's frustrations?” The bit with the chocolate was very funny. The piano playing, yes, believable.
5/1/2015 c2 Avalon
"Or at least I will if she doesn't back down from my challenge" Is it stated that the Grandmaster of Theft has been identified as female? The title itself is masculine and unless the person has been identified as female, the use of 'she' there is incorrect.

"since so many faili to consider this is that heists and cons" that what

"If I were to circumvent all of that and secured Adora's Tear" secure, tense is important.

"So, all and all," all in all is the phrase I believe you meant to use.

"It sits opposite of my sofa" of is redundant. "Opposite my sofa" details the information.

"trick or a loophole" a is redundant.

"mosey across the top - where there will be nothing in my way since nobody will be posted there, and pay Narcissa a visit." Either use the dashes or the commas to put the subset sentence in, do not combine the two. "- where there will be nothing in my way since nobody will be posted there -" or the same with commas instead of dashes.

What are your thoughts on all the maneuvering so far from both sides and how I've started out focusing more on the cerebral side?

It sets the scene well and introduces us to the two main protagonists. And it's a very good way to explore how the two of them think. Though it is very obviously slanted towards showing off Cassidy's psyche, and only provides the briefest glimpses into Wynn's thinking.

Are you able to follow and understand Cassidy's assessments and planning?

Indeed I am. She does make a few odd leaps but Wynn is as thrown, if not more so, as any potential reader. Probably the most interesting is that her pride takes a little too much precedence in her reasoning. While her comments on fear factors are sound, and the reputation boost, I constantly reading an underlying 'My pride decided this, this is my reasoning I worked out afterwards' approach to it.

What are your thoughts on Cassidy's plan?

Certainly not the worst she could come up with. There are some things she didn't think of which I thought merited some. For instance, if she didn't actually play the part of the 'Grandmaster of theft', she could get into the appartment as herself, ascertain whether Narcissa had the real thing or not, and then Wynn could play the part of the Grandmaster swooping in to take the item, whether it's real or not. She is right about one thing though, often times your status or history can make people find any alternative that makes sense, even if your duplicity is somewhat obvious. Give them a reason to think you aren't the identity you are and they'll latch onto it. Especially higher class people, who tend to ignore reasons to suspect other members of the upper class unless there is a personal feud between the two.

What's your overall response to Wynn so far and his relationship with Cass as shown in this chapter?

There is a backstory I am curious about here, but I shall make do with the tidbits thrown to my table. I like Wynn as an attempt to balance Cassidy's more outlandish ideas out. I fear she puts too much trust in him to call out her bad ideas, though, as no matter how unsure he is of something, it seems quite obvious that if she is adamant about it, he will cave to her demands unless it is something truly foolish.
4/29/2015 c1 Avalon
"hid her eyes true colors" - "eyes' true colors" Possessive apostrophe, it is the true colors of her eyes.
Note: It can be "eye's true color" if you want to have it as a singular, but since you had the plural on 'colors' I assumed it was a plural of eye as well.
"one would expect of most Salerovian descendants; tall, brown eyes" The part that follows the semi-colon in your work is a list, therefore it should be a colon. A semi-colon is a longer break or a joining, a colon introduces a list, noun phrase, quotation or an example. A good example of a GOOD place to use a semi-colon is just moments later: "He wasn't hideous or anything; he was just an average man"
Is the capitalisation of "The Church" intentional? If so, I'm curious as to why you use that instead of the "The Temple" that is stated to be the title of the grouping of institutes that this branch belongs to. Notably Gerard refers to them as simply "the church" without capitalisation later.
"looked really similar to me" similar to mine/familiar to me. Unless you have that down as an inflection/habit of speech for Cassidy. Or one that she intentionally put on for this part she is playing.
"learned about the stories surrounding Adora's Tear it and, well, here I am." I'm assuming you were tossing up between using "Adora's Tear" and "it" for this spot, and put in both.
"You know, its people like you" should be "it's", read: it is people like you.
"If there's something you've done or plan to" should be "plan to do", unless it's an inflection of speech.
"...Is it true that if something someone wishes to get off their chest, The Followers are not only willing to be there for them, you promise absolute confidentiality about anything shared?" Needs to be cleaned up in some way. "Something someone wishes to get off their chest" indicates the following matter is to be about the something or the preceding statement defines it. As it is, it's a loose end in the statement. Again, in speech this can be the person themselves and how they speak.
"Clasped her hand around her head" I'm assuming you meant the plural "hands" rather than attempting to inflict the image of a single hand engulfing the head.
"perform a background check on your first" should be "you first"
"where an attractive male bartender entertained with a flashy stunt" with the tense as it is, it should be "with flashy stunts" or if it is a singular stunt done rarely, then it should be indicated as such. "where an attractive male bartender occasionally entertained with a flashy stunt"

"he decided upon completing the scan" The last 'he' was Gerard, and as such there is no distinction. One could assume from what was said that it was the guard, but otherwise it's left unclear.

Notation: It is actually difficult to concentrate on spotting errors once you get into the scene where Cassidy is talking to Gerard. The wording is compelling and it is difficult to stop myself from reading ahead just to find out what's going on. A very compelling story so far.

Answers: (I will skip questions I feel I have answered already)
What is your first impression of the series & the premise so far?
It is a very good excuse for first-person storytelling, what with Cassidy telling the tale of woe to Gerard. I am often critical of first person stories for many things, but this is one of them. This, however, is excellent. This is akin to a prologue, very little actually told, but a lot inferred, and a lot of questions raised. It is an excellent start, and already establishes Cassidy and Gerard, though I imagine only the former will have any notable impact in the retelling that is to follow.
I especially enjoyed the world building and the very noticable intent for Cassidy's speech to be much more 'proper' than Gerard, who often uses more colloquial phrasing or uncultured responses.

What is your first impression of Cassidy Cain, both as herself and in relation to being a thief?
Very strong of mind, she presents an interesting character. Though her approach to things is constantly roundabout, rather than direct. She takes odd risks while being perfectly safe in other ways, but in actual fact, I've no idea if this was a conscious decision but she appears to make a very highborn ... for lack of a better word, I will use 'error'. She takes a very noble spin on things, and is very much caught up in the concept of what she's doing. It is not the first time a noble in the history annals has decided there is some sort of noblesse oblige is required of the nobility, and that it is their task to make sure it comes true, no matter what method is needed. And while it is apparent to the readers that Gerard is quite unlikely to reveal her identity, a more zealous fanatic or a more strict servitor of the lore as her 'church confidante' would unravel her quite greatly. She hardly seemed to vet the man before deciding he would be her little churchman.
Not that these points are unrealistic, a more cautious crime-master wouldn't do them but these are quite inline with nobility in the same situation, hence the 'odd mistakes'. I enjoy that aspect, though.

How about Gerard Turner so far? What are your thoughts on him?
He is a very familiar case of 'churchman who has rarely been taken out of his comfort zone, but has a strong faith in his belief and finds it hard to bend the rules. However he's got a very maleable streak in him which makes him easy putty in the hands of Cassidy and all her court intrigue experience. So far, there is little depth to him, but I hope to have his character expanded upon in the future of this story.

The story surrounding Adora's Tear, what do you think about that?
A very dramatic tale, to be sure. But one that, at its core, is made out to be much more dramatic than it is. It's a very simple story, and though it is a big deal for the Yewellians, for sure, I am unsurprised by how little the outside world cares for it.

Your thoughts on Narcissa Richmon so far, as she's set up to be the antagonist?
Not enough information to truly look into it. She's a very mundane, traditional, wealthy noble. The only difference I've noted so far is that she's done enough double dealing that not only is it not a big deal when she does, but that she almost revels in the act itself.
4/29/2015 c9 2Jalux
Honestly I don't mind the interludes so much but I will say that some readers will likely be a little annoyed because as interesting as it is it really is filler that expands the universe. It's kinda like they get so immersed in your main story then they have to read this well-written but more "trivial" chapter. Then again this has only happened twice and the first interlude was barely anything so I'm probably just nitpicking.

I do like the clash of philosophy, it somewhat echoes Cassidy's argument with Gale. From what I can glean she does have a bit of an ego and seems to want her way to be right, she's very happy inside when Gerard agrees somewhat and she argued with Gale as well. It's not a bad trait just something I picked up. Cassidy continuing to press him was actually an interesting way to go about it actually, Gerard seems a little on the edge about his beliefs in Yewel.

Overall a good chapter I'd say, Cassidy's talk to him about Yewel was the obvious stand out but you transition nicely back to the main story with his question on why she showed up alone. Looking forward to more!
4/28/2015 c11 14Virtuella
“First impression on Edan Cain?” I think it’s cute that he is the fixer. Also nice touch that Cass greets him so formally and he responds so casually. Him being the voice of caution makes sense, and Cass is beginning to be so overconfident that she really needs a dissenting voice. It seems curious that Cass is so worried about alcohol.

“Thoughts so far on this whole new plan that's been elaborated on in relation to Narcissa? How about the plan in relation to Deus” There was so much of it that I lost track and switched off. I think the chapter is too dialogue-heavy. Some parts could easily be cut, for example the bit about the videos and the long explanations about what a fixer does.

“Finally, how do you think I'm doing so far at writing Cassidy as a Magnificent Bitch protagonist?” I found her more annoying than magnificent in this chapter. She is so full of herself and talks and talks. I liked the grandfather a lot better, he seems a delightful old gentleman.

“Any other comments, criticisms, or questions you'd like to share?” I am puzzled about why she says, “She and I's first encounter” – surely she has better grammar than that?
4/27/2015 c8 2Jalux
I think it's nice how you make Cassidy's weakness apparent, she's not a fighter perse someone who prefers stealth and tactics to open combat. It's good because it makes more sense why she plans everything out rather then use a half-arsed plan. Gale's pretty cool, he smart for one thing and he obviously cares alot about doing the right thing so much so that he gets carried away and lets Cassidy get in a cheap shot with the card. His reaction is what I expected honestly, he wanted a fair fight. Cassidy's retort is clever though, definitely liking the quirky aspects of her character.

Ah the old battle of ideology, always good to see. Gale follows the system and Cassidy defies it basically. I'd side with Cassidy although I need to see more of your story world and how the ordinary citizens fare with the laws and governments in place. I do hope to see more of the world you've developed. Overall a nice chapter!
4/25/2015 c10 14Virtuella
“What are your thoughts on Deus so far upon debut?” The character voice, with its hyperactive, almost manic silliness, was a real surprise and very amusing and entertaining. It makes me curious as to whether this is Deus’s real personality or a persona.

“How about your reaction to Narcissa's betrayal & fact she'll remain the main antagonist?” Kind of what one might have suspected all along. As you remember, I was wondering earlier what Cass could possibly do if Narcissa only brought a fake on the train.

“Did you believe Cassidy's faked freak out reaction? And what are your thoughts on her trick there?” It did seem oddly out of character, so the explanation that followed was very believable. As a general strategy, it seems sensible and proactive. The actual pay-off would be hard to predict.

“Thoughts as a whole of Act 1 of Confessions?” I feel I have a good idea about the characters and plot. The setting is still something I would like to know more about.

“Any predictions of what's to come next, especially with what Plan C is?” Hard to say. I was previously thinking Cass would be clever to steal Adora’s Tear BEFORE the train journey. May she has already done that and you’ve not told us?
4/22/2015 c9 Virtuella
“Having seen how Cassidy operates & thinks, do you lean towards more towards Cass being more hero aligned (anti-heroine included) or villain aligned (anti-villainess included)? Or something else?” Cass comes across as being too sure of herself. As I said before, I agree that we ultimately all have to decide for ourselves what is good and what is bad, but I would feel more comfortable about her if she did this with a little more modesty.

“Your thoughts on Cassidy's philosophy vs. Gerard's philosophy? Which one do you agree with more?” Again, neither. Cass makes some very valid points, as does Gerard. But their fallacy is to think that there are only these two stances. They overlook the argument for non-violent resistance. I’m with King and Gandhi on this one.

“Also, do you think it was a smart idea for me to let it become more pure dialogue as this went on?” It felt quite natural. A few times I almost lost track of who was speaking, so the odd speech tag might come in useful, but on the whole it was fine.

“Your opinion on what's been added regarding Rebecca?” I think faith should be tested by the believer, diligently and, if possible, systematically. Well, I would say that, I studied theology. Anyway, it makes me think highly of Rebecca that she takes this stance, though I don’t see much point in the content of her belief.
4/22/2015 c7 2Jalux
I did like how Cassidy thoughts thing over before accepting Narcissa's side of the story. It fits really, she's a careful person and isn't one to simply trust what someone else says. That being said it bothered me a little how quickly Narcissa admitted everything but then again she's been caught and has no reason to hide stuff now I suppose. As for my opinion of her, well I liked her although it seems in the grand scheme of things she's a snack and a sign of things to come which isn't a bad thing just that her importance seems pretty low.

Interesting how Cassidy wants a glowing recommendation so to speak, shows her pride in her work and maybe even a bit of an ego? I wonder if that will come back to bite her later on. Well I can't say I can glean much about Gale based on a few sentences, he seems cool and to the point. Will keep an eye out. Good chapter.
4/21/2015 c8 14Virtuella
“Your thoughts on Gale Crawford now that you got to know him more?” It was a refreshing surprise that he is NOT the villain the previous chapter suggested. I like it that they discuss political philosophy, Gale representing the deontic and Cass the utilitarian stance. That had to lead to a stalemate. Perhaps Cass could have argued Aristotle? But perhaps neither of them are ready for that yet.

“What do you think about the trick Cassidy employed to outmaneuver him?” The manoeuvre itself is good and I could easily see that as a movie scene. I didn’t like it so much that she analysed in the detail afterwards. We needed to know why the sword was important, but the rest was obvious and didn’t need an explanation.

“Between the two, where would you say you're leaning more ideology wise?” - Oh, you really want to discuss that with me? I don’t agree with either of them, nor do I entirely disagree. Gale is right to say the means don’t justify the ends. However, he overlooks that this applies to the law as well – an unjust law is not justified by the end of upholding law and order. And Alana, who appears to embody authority, is willing to make use of Cass in a manner that undermines the rule of law. Looks to me like “One law for us and one for everyone else.” Cass is right to say that evil triumphs when good people do nothing. However, she is quick to define herself as good. The danger of that stance is that she might start to define Good as “whatever I am doing.” My own stance would be a teleological and value-guided ethic. Within that framework, Good would be defined as whatever promotes the values and contributes to the aim of a better society. The problem with that is, of course, that the values as well as the blueprint of the society to aim for would be arbitrarily chosen. Personally, I think peace, justice, fairness, solidarity and good stewardship of the Earth are top values beyond any doubt, but I know from experience that there are people who do not agree with that. I fail to understand how their brains work.

“Overall feel you've gotten a nice foundation to the larger world going to be delving into?” Kind of. It’s still a bit sketchy and I am looking forward to finding out more.
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