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for Adventures of Turtle and Panda

9/29/2012 c1 1I caught myself
Lol that was pretty funny. Thank you for sharing this.
6/4/2011 c1 20My Parakeet Has Issues
Hmm, it's a cute story, but honestly the messed up formatting made me want to stop reading it. I'm not sure if your document manager is messing up (Because mine did for a while and I couldn't really edit documents) or if you just don't format it correctly. . .The way everything is all jumbled up really deterred me from wanting to read the story, so I really think you should fix that. Play with your enter button a bit more. :)

As for the actual story, I wasn't confused as to what was happening, just as to if this was supposed to be, like, a scene from a play or something, or a narrative. . .Because it was written more like a script than a short story. Although, it started out like it would just be a story, then you started adding in actions and what was happening with these "~" symbols. . .I think you should try either developing it into a short story, 'cause it sounds funny, or use the correct formatting and turn it into a script. Either way I like the actual events in it.

As far as grammar and conventions and whatnot goes, I think it should be edited just a liiittle bit more for those. One of the main things I noticed is that you didn't use the plural from of "was", "were." For example, you said "Turtle and I was. .. " instead of "Turtle and I were. . ." So just edit it a bit more. The tense also changed, for the first few lines or so it was in past tense, then it switched to present tense.

I think it's a cute story that would be more fun to read if it were formatted and edited better.

Keep Writing,

My Parakeet Has Issues

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