for A Spring Night10/30/2011 c1 
10Harry's Scar
I enjoyed reading your piece. In line 12, I thought of how light can shatter darkness, or how good things in life can take over bad things. In life, where the good is scattered throughout the bad, you can find good nearly everywhere. Then the fireflies mix with the stars. When you search for good, it is like you can fly, like a firefly. That's what I think of.
Good descriptions. You really make me feel like I was standing outside my front door at night with a storm coming. Keep up the good work!
~Harry's Scar
10Harry's ScarI enjoyed reading your piece. In line 12, I thought of how light can shatter darkness, or how good things in life can take over bad things. In life, where the good is scattered throughout the bad, you can find good nearly everywhere. Then the fireflies mix with the stars. When you search for good, it is like you can fly, like a firefly. That's what I think of.
Good descriptions. You really make me feel like I was standing outside my front door at night with a storm coming. Keep up the good work!
~Harry's Scar
6/28/2011 c1 75thewhimsicalbard
Thanks for your review on my story "Hat", which I believe you read sometime in early June. I apologize for the delay, but my summer job is construction, and it is not generous to either my time or my energy.
Your poem is, as you said, not a typical poem. You have some good ideas, and some fairly strong imagery, but there are a few things I feel like I should point out.
First, look at a live preview of this poem. FP's Document Manager eats single-line breaks and makes them paragraph breaks, which stinks for poets. You have to go in and enter them by hand.
Concerning your bagpipe image: as a person of predominantly Irish heritage (familiarity with bagpipes, which sometimes appear at family events) living in the Midwest (familiar with the sound of crickets), I can assure you that crickets sound like many things, but not bagpipes.
My two favorite parts were the image of the tall black sky and then the series of lines "the treading shoe, / the falling leaf, / the turning page". Those were both very good.
Your enjambment needs a little bit of work, though. Enjambment is hard to explain - suffice to say that one should not break lines randomly. An enjambed line should always imply meaning.
Thanks again for your review!
-twb
75thewhimsicalbardThanks for your review on my story "Hat", which I believe you read sometime in early June. I apologize for the delay, but my summer job is construction, and it is not generous to either my time or my energy.
Your poem is, as you said, not a typical poem. You have some good ideas, and some fairly strong imagery, but there are a few things I feel like I should point out.
First, look at a live preview of this poem. FP's Document Manager eats single-line breaks and makes them paragraph breaks, which stinks for poets. You have to go in and enter them by hand.
Concerning your bagpipe image: as a person of predominantly Irish heritage (familiarity with bagpipes, which sometimes appear at family events) living in the Midwest (familiar with the sound of crickets), I can assure you that crickets sound like many things, but not bagpipes.
My two favorite parts were the image of the tall black sky and then the series of lines "the treading shoe, / the falling leaf, / the turning page". Those were both very good.
Your enjambment needs a little bit of work, though. Enjambment is hard to explain - suffice to say that one should not break lines randomly. An enjambed line should always imply meaning.
Thanks again for your review!
-twb
6/23/2011 c1 4Nikou
Interesting imagery. Reminds me of growing up on a farm myself (yep, I read your profile... I was a homeschooled Christian girl too!).
Thanks for the review, and I've pulled the story down. It needs a lot of work, and I don't know if I'll get around to it. Maybe. I'm thinking about maybe doing a much longer thing, and introduce each character one by one, starting at the beginning of the day or something, and going to the moment they enter the bank.
Your poem strongly reminded me of the farm I grew up on. The insects tapping against the windows, and the humidity oppressive upon the earth. Nice one.
4NikouInteresting imagery. Reminds me of growing up on a farm myself (yep, I read your profile... I was a homeschooled Christian girl too!).
Thanks for the review, and I've pulled the story down. It needs a lot of work, and I don't know if I'll get around to it. Maybe. I'm thinking about maybe doing a much longer thing, and introduce each character one by one, starting at the beginning of the day or something, and going to the moment they enter the bank.
Your poem strongly reminded me of the farm I grew up on. The insects tapping against the windows, and the humidity oppressive upon the earth. Nice one.
6/12/2011 c1 5Apathetic Antichrist
Some fancy stuff right here. X)
It's very nice. I guess. I don't know. Unlike you, nature just isn't my thing. I much prefer human beings and their lives and thoughts and feelings. But hey, this is your poem! I do like the way it flows though. It isn't just a sentence for every line, the words flow together like there are no commas or periods at all.
I like your poetry. 'Nough said.
5Apathetic AntichristSome fancy stuff right here. X)
It's very nice. I guess. I don't know. Unlike you, nature just isn't my thing. I much prefer human beings and their lives and thoughts and feelings. But hey, this is your poem! I do like the way it flows though. It isn't just a sentence for every line, the words flow together like there are no commas or periods at all.
I like your poetry. 'Nough said.
6/9/2011 c1 3Youthful Abandon
I like it. This poem was simple but sweet. You do use a lot of imagery, and that's great. It really put a picture in my mind. Great job, again!
3Youthful AbandonI like it. This poem was simple but sweet. You do use a lot of imagery, and that's great. It really put a picture in my mind. Great job, again!
6/8/2011 c1 Maggie Johnson
This was a very nice poem. I loved the image of stars as "tiny shattered suns."
But if you want to improve this, I'd suggest cutting out the word "the" - the poem might be a little smoother.
You're better at poetry than you think. ^_^
This was a very nice poem. I loved the image of stars as "tiny shattered suns."
But if you want to improve this, I'd suggest cutting out the word "the" - the poem might be a little smoother.
You're better at poetry than you think. ^_^