for Storm10/27/2011 c1 
60AppleCrumble
Brilliant, this is great! I LOVE STORMS and I loved this. It was supper. Plastic beads and tupperware, a genius link. :-D
60AppleCrumbleBrilliant, this is great! I LOVE STORMS and I loved this. It was supper. Plastic beads and tupperware, a genius link. :-D
7/27/2011 c1 15disrhythmic
I like the imagery here, very clean and vivid. :) It's enjoyable, but at the same time, it's very literal. The bit about the clouds, for example, sounds more like a prose description than poetry, to me at least. Try sprinkling in a few metaphors. Something like... "clouds, the storm-tossed waves, writhing, collapse together with roars of heavenly power..."
That's just an example off the cuff, of course, and naturally it all comes down to personal preference because, in the end, it's your poem and not mine. ^^ Critique aside, I really enjoyed this. :) Makes me miss summer showers...
15disrhythmicI like the imagery here, very clean and vivid. :) It's enjoyable, but at the same time, it's very literal. The bit about the clouds, for example, sounds more like a prose description than poetry, to me at least. Try sprinkling in a few metaphors. Something like... "clouds, the storm-tossed waves, writhing, collapse together with roars of heavenly power..."
That's just an example off the cuff, of course, and naturally it all comes down to personal preference because, in the end, it's your poem and not mine. ^^ Critique aside, I really enjoyed this. :) Makes me miss summer showers...
7/25/2011 c1 9Arait
I also believe when I get a review, I should look at the person's profile and (if they don't freak me out) read something of theirs in turn. So here you are. :)
I love storms! I don't really get poetry very well, so I can't for the life of me figure out what the tupperware has to do with any of it. But I definitely could imagine the honeysuckle and lightning and cool breeze. Makes me miss my old home.
Arait
9AraitI also believe when I get a review, I should look at the person's profile and (if they don't freak me out) read something of theirs in turn. So here you are. :)
I love storms! I don't really get poetry very well, so I can't for the life of me figure out what the tupperware has to do with any of it. But I definitely could imagine the honeysuckle and lightning and cool breeze. Makes me miss my old home.
Arait
6/27/2011 c1 2Musique Faerie
I may not be a fan of poetry, but I do enjoy reading this, especially the last sentence, where you would describe the lightning.
2Musique FaerieI may not be a fan of poetry, but I do enjoy reading this, especially the last sentence, where you would describe the lightning.
6/12/2011 c1 5Apathetic Antichrist
Plastic beads and Tupperware? Never a connection I had made before now. Imagery awesomeness is at work here.
5Apathetic AntichristPlastic beads and Tupperware? Never a connection I had made before now. Imagery awesomeness is at work here.
6/9/2011 c1 3Youthful Abandon
That is a different kind of storm story. I really like the first few lines. You make connections that others don't make, and that's going to be really helpful for you as a writer in the long run. Overall? Great job. It's so hard to grade poetry because poetry is such an art and there are so many ways to do it, but this one was definitely good.
3Youthful AbandonThat is a different kind of storm story. I really like the first few lines. You make connections that others don't make, and that's going to be really helpful for you as a writer in the long run. Overall? Great job. It's so hard to grade poetry because poetry is such an art and there are so many ways to do it, but this one was definitely good.
6/8/2011 c1 MagicPen811
Wow, i can really see an image with this, great job! I once wrote a poem about a storm and with the lightning I put it crashes down like a sword in the midnight sky, (school work) anyway nice images, keep it up!
Wow, i can really see an image with this, great job! I once wrote a poem about a storm and with the lightning I put it crashes down like a sword in the midnight sky, (school work) anyway nice images, keep it up!
6/7/2011 c1 Homura Kitsune
You've got some nice imagery here. I'd try to expand it and add more metaphors, ones that flow into each other instead of just telling one aspect of the rain and then moving onto the next.
Right now it seems like a prose piece disguised as poetry since it reads one sentence at a time. If that's what you were going for, then great! If not, try to make it smoother.
Keep writing!
You've got some nice imagery here. I'd try to expand it and add more metaphors, ones that flow into each other instead of just telling one aspect of the rain and then moving onto the next.
Right now it seems like a prose piece disguised as poetry since it reads one sentence at a time. If that's what you were going for, then great! If not, try to make it smoother.
Keep writing!