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for The Calm Before the Storm

6/24/2011 c1 9The Grey Ghoul
the best part of the poem is 'mischievous troublemaker'. :D it's perfect.

in something as short as a poem, i think this was only 123 words, every single word counts. for the first line, you wrote, "the sun blazes, shining brightly." i'm a writer, not a poet...but i understand that as a sentence or line goes on, the end of the line needs to pop. 'blazes' is a much stronger description than 'shining brightly'. the first line falls flat when i'm expecting you to get even stronger than the word, 'blazes' even if you reverse it, 'the sun shines brightly, blazes' that makes your whole line stronger. if it's blazing, it's searing, scorching, burning...or a set of different words to emphasize the 'calm', glowing, gleaming, shimmering...

i love the 'trumpeting its fury'

i love the swirling and snarling clouds, but 'meet' is a weak word. maybe 'clashed' or 'raged' every word counts.

i love the idea of the calm before the storm, and i can see you rewriting this to make it much stronger.

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