for THE STALKER7/1/2011 c2 
1Conqueror of the North Wind
Well, to start with, you have a good idea for a story. There are a few errors here and there that could use correcting.
(Oh, wow. Did you believe he was actually reading a newspaper? You've got a lot to learn.)
This paragraph is confusing. "How?" you may ask. Well, you talk about James in third person, but then this sentence kinda pulls out and says "Didn't see -that- coming, did'ya?", which takes away any mysteriousness that our stalker had...
This problem is evident throughout the chapter. Also, the whole chapter reads as an interactive story, which is a horrible plot device. A good author can find ways to continue a story by actions, instead of using a reader's curiosity to advance.
Overall, not a bad story, though I'm not a fan of the interactive element. If you can find a way to advance the plot without the reader, then this would possibly be an all-time great story.
1Conqueror of the North WindWell, to start with, you have a good idea for a story. There are a few errors here and there that could use correcting.
(Oh, wow. Did you believe he was actually reading a newspaper? You've got a lot to learn.)
This paragraph is confusing. "How?" you may ask. Well, you talk about James in third person, but then this sentence kinda pulls out and says "Didn't see -that- coming, did'ya?", which takes away any mysteriousness that our stalker had...
This problem is evident throughout the chapter. Also, the whole chapter reads as an interactive story, which is a horrible plot device. A good author can find ways to continue a story by actions, instead of using a reader's curiosity to advance.
Overall, not a bad story, though I'm not a fan of the interactive element. If you can find a way to advance the plot without the reader, then this would possibly be an all-time great story.
6/30/2011 c2 3KiwiHunch
If there was a stalker that I actually wanted to know more about, this would be the story! XD Love it, really quite nice, I must say. Please, do update! I'd love to hear how this goes.
:D
3KiwiHunchIf there was a stalker that I actually wanted to know more about, this would be the story! XD Love it, really quite nice, I must say. Please, do update! I'd love to hear how this goes.
:D
6/29/2011 c1 2DiamondWolf14
Hardly anything happens, but it is enough to catch interest. I will wait to see how this will continue. :)
2DiamondWolf14Hardly anything happens, but it is enough to catch interest. I will wait to see how this will continue. :)