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for Earth Trolley

2/3/2012 c8 ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor
I am grinning all over my face!

This is such a fun ending! Lyn was distressed because she thought she would not meet Jim for three years, only to find that she was just about to! Now she has all the fun of living through her life in reality. Kind of like ending at the beginning.

I disagree with her though, I think the proposal over the loud speaker system was just right. It was so 'Jim' it just fitted perfectly. I hope his uncle was out of the office at the time though. It may have caused a bit of familial friction otherwise... unless the uncle shares the same easy-going sense of humour with him, which would not be unexpected I suppose.

If you ever re-write it (which I see no reason to assume you should), I would really like it if you made all the customers cheer and wolf-whistle when they have their first kiss. I can't imagine the supermarket being so empty of curious customers that they would not have some well wishing spectators.

One other thing, do you think that her future self would recall the memory of the missing incidents? I guess because of her confusion over Jim's appearence in the carpark, you must mean her not to...

I just thought of something funny. The whole idea of Lyn having a vitaman deficiency, was got from a comment Jim made to her way in the future, but she actually gave the idea to him in one of her spells. Isn't that hilarious!

Another funny thing is that she won't have any idea about why her book presentation tour has suddenly been replaced by a trip to Spain with her daughter! I hope she doesn't freak out and try to reverse it all. It would really help Hope to love her so much more if she follows through with it. Maybe that was the point of the episode with mother Hope in the supermarket, where she was being a bit impatient and disrespectful. It might have stemmed from resentment carried over from her teens at a mother who put pursuing her own career as a writer ahead of spending time with her daughter.

A good warning for us all ay.

Thankyou so much Byrdy. If I were able to I would add this as one of my favourites on FF.net. Perhaps I may put it on my profile with a link instead. I feel like more people should know about it. It is very cool. I was telling my family about it at dinner tonight and they are all very curious. I think I shall print it out so I can read it aloud to them as our next serial story... as a reward for completing their school work.
2/3/2012 c7 ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor
Wow, that was fun!

Lyn's theory that she can't relive the episodes of her life that she already lived in the past (ie present) makes a lot of sense... actually a BIT of sense, none of this can truely be said to "make sense", but it is fun exploring it. Kind of like a Dr Who episode, but without the Tardis!

The problem with reviewing chapters where there are more available to read is that I get relly impatient and short change you because I really want to read on.

Sorry about that. *smiles apologetically*
2/3/2012 c6 ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor
I am really getting emotionally involved in this now.

Lyn is a woman with a huge lot of courage. I am really impressed she endured the miscarriage so she could save her marriage. I really hope it works. I feel like there is some significance now to the flash-forwards... maybe they are all episodes where she did not realise the consequences of her choices, but now has an opportunity to fix them. I feel like I need to go back an re-read them all again, but I will wait until the end.
2/3/2012 c4 ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor
Okay so maybe my theory was a bit premature. This problem with taking even one hand off the trolley is not very logical...

I wonder if there is any link between what she has already experienced and what scene of her life comes next. Perhaps the mention of a previous pregnancy which went wrong was the trigger to why she is now living through her miscarriage.

If my theory were right though, there wouldn't be all these mentions of vitaman deficiency. It think if it were right it would be true Altzheimer's disease rather than dementia, as she has evidently suffered from it for years.

How awful for her not being able to take her hands off the trolley. When is she going to tell someone about the strange time jumping she finds herself doing while holding the handle? She almost told Natalie in the last chapter, but I would rather she told Jim. I like him.
2/3/2012 c3 ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor
It is funny that she is freaked out by the massage oil. And later by the unmentionables too! I can imagine her not wanting to think about THAT side of married life, especially to a man she doesn't know anything about except his huge size and balding head, although she does seem to feel a kind of attraction to him, and seems to like his blue eyes, which are the window to the soul afterall, so that is the most important source of attraction.

Oops, that is a terrible running on sentence. Sorry about that.

It is really lovely to see the family all interacting together like this.

Some of the mystery is starting to fall into place. I am wondering if her future self has dementia and her perception that she is really a young woman finding herself in some sort of trolley-induced time warp is not the reality at all. I do not know what Dementia patients experience, but I can imagine that this sort of confusion may well be a part of it. How incredibly interesting (in a tragic sort of way), that would be.

I wish you would read this story to a person with early dementia and ask them what they think of it...
2/3/2012 c2 ElvishKiwis Venerated Ancestor
This is really ... awesome! *winks cheekily*

Actually no, It is a really fun surprise to discover that you wrote stories for BOTH my prompts.

I am intrigued.

Is the narrator's name really Lyn then? Because it seemed in the first chapter that she was not used to being called that, but now she doesn't seem to mind it.

I can't believe she just opened a bottle of drink and drained it without anyone accusing her of shoplifting!

This is really strange. I need to read some more.
11/9/2011 c2 Evenstar202
Hmmm, this is exciting-only you would think of such an awesome story line! I can't wait to read the rest-it sounds VERY interesting. Well done! :D
8/4/2011 c8 2Lunary Canary
D'awww...very sweet! I'm loving this :P I've read it since the beginning and I'm addicted! Keep writing!
7/22/2011 c1 2Tabz
Very good first chapter! This is aptly written, and I'm enjoying it. I'm not a fan of comedy or romance but yet you've still kept me intrigued. The one problem I have is that a person wouldn't explain it away as a daydream. Nobody does that in real life.
7/11/2011 c1 Evenstar202
Wow, this is really cool Byrd, Talk about mind twisting!Its really weird how everything keeps changing in front of Lyn, I cant wait to read the next chapter
7/10/2011 c1 22slave to the voices
Very imaginative. It seems like Lyn's having a odd day. I can't wait to see how far this goes.
7/9/2011 c2 Iliana11
First off, you're awesome because you used the word "discombobulated". I love you and your crunchy words! :D

I like the slightly confused, yet fun feel of this story. And now that she sort of realizes what's going on, she's ready to actually see more. So curious!

Oh, and as promised, here's my pouty face. I'd truly like to read more... :D
7/9/2011 c1 Iliana11
You have me intrigued...it's very fascinating, and I am a fan of backwards time! I'm just...going to read onto the next chapter. You can probably expect a pouty face from me wondering where the next chapter is... :o)
7/9/2011 c2 5clar-the-pirate
Oh man, I haven't been on this site in like literally half a decade. Look at the old way of doing my penname!


Oh man, totally intriguing, Byrd. And I have a super soft spot for slice-of-life vignette's and these ones are so simple and normal, I like them a lot. And my favourite parts are all the random stray thoughts - four boxes of Lady Grey, the supply was dwindling, heheh.

And I LOVE that Lyn went through a what-is-happening-am-I-going-crazy phaze but didn't let it debilitate her - okay, so this is happening and I'll deal with it, I'll even work it for what it's worth. You've probably seen It's A Wonderful Life every Christmas since for ever, right? I've only seen it once but it made me absolutely spitting mad, like pacing up and down the living room monologuing my displeasure for like two minutes without once repeating myself mad, and it was all because the stupid man couldn't get it through his stupid head that this was a different reality where he hadn't been born even though he was told like fifty hundred bazillion times. This story is completely pointless except for the fact that you didn't let that happen and I am very grateful for it. Yay.

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